Heated Debate!
by Pixelated Bloodbath
Summary: With a last nostalgic wave, she turned and continued on her way. Heated Debate!, the hilariously misnamed crackfic, had officially ended once and for all.
1. cake, plushies, and emoness

_**Heated Debate!**_

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Friends, Romans, and assorted otaku! Welcome to the Heated Debate! This is the only place in the world where you can see look-alikes L and Ulquiorra talking about... whatever you want them to talk about! Your input is welcome, for I am bringing this to you out of the kindness of my--

**L:** No you aren't. Your latest fanfiction series _Eternal Night_ isn't getting enough publicity, so you wrote this to get people to read it.

**Ulquiorra: **Don't say "latest" like she's written a lot of them. It's only her second.

**akuhime-chan:** Well, geez. You guys sure know how to make a girl feel special. And not in a good way, in a "special-ed." way.

**Ulquiorra:** That's what we're here for.

**akuhime-chan:** No, it's not. You are here to promote my story, and you will promote it or you won't get any cake!

**L:** Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

**akuhime-chan:** And _you_ won't get to whale on poor Ichigo!

**Ulquiorra:** Hmph.

**akuhime-chan:** Anyways, send in your reviews! If you have any questions, comments, or requests, just send it in and I shall grant your wishes!

**L:** I wish for cake.

**akuhime-chan:** No.

**L: **Cheesecake?

**akuhime-chan:** No.

**L: **Not even a cupcake?

**Ulquiorra:** You're wasting your time on this trash. She only cares for herself.

**akuhime-chan:** Takes one to know one! Besides, L-san can only get cake if someone says he can.

**L:** You mean I'm not going to starve?

**Ulquiorra:** Don't you eat anything besides cake?

**akuhime-chan:** I swear. If you knew anything about L-san, you would obviously know that he lives solely on cake and tea-flavored sugar.

**L: **Tea-flavored...? I don't--

**Ulquiorra:** I believe she means that you put so much sugar in your tea, it can no longer be called tea.

**akuhime-chan:** Exactly! Thank you Ulqui-chan!

**Ulquiorra:** Why do I get a derogatory honorific?

**akuhime-chan:** Uhh...

**L: **Because I'm your favorite?

**Ulquiorra:** Don't flatter yourself. I'm sure akuhime-chan is not the type to pick favorites.

**akuhime-chan:** Umm...

**Ulquiorra:** ...

**akuhime-chan:** I just didn't want to say it out loud...

**L:** See? I always win.

**akuhime-chan:** You didn't win that tennis game.

**L:** ...

**Ulquiorra: **You needed the government's help to catch a murderer who got away anyways.

**L:** ...

**akuhime-chan:** You also died in the end.

**L:** Can we go back to picking on--

**akuhime-chan:** No.

**L:** Can we go back to picking on akuhime-chan if someone wants us to?

**akuhime-chan:** Well... we wouldn't have much choice, would we?

**Ulquiorra:** Have we forgotten why we came here in the first place?

**akuhime-chan:** Huh? Oh, right. The _Eternal Night_ series is a crossover between _Bleach _and _Death Note_ starring these two. The plot is as follows:

**L:** I go after Kira and die!

**Ulquiorra:** He goes to Hueco Mundo and becomes me.

**L:** Then, after drinking a cup of tea-flavored sugar, we become me again!

**Ulquiorra:** Oh, the inhumanity...

**akuhime-chan:** As if you would know anything about being human.

**L:** I even get cool powers and a 4 tattoo.

**akuhime-chan:** What?! I want a 4 tattoo!

**Ulquiorra:** Everyone wants a 4 tattoo...

**Orihime:** I don't want a 4 tattoo.

**akuhime-chan:** ...!

**L:** ...!

**Ulquiorra:** Orihime... How did you get here?

**Orihime:** Well, I'm in the story, too...

**akuhime-chan:** Welcome, welcome! Come have a seat! Would you like some cake?

**L:** I thought you said we didn't get cake unless the readers asked!

**akuhime-chan:** Oh, quit your whining. The _'himes_ get cake.

**L:** Not fair!

**akuhime-chan:** Well, Orihime, since you're here, why don't you tell us whether you like L-san or Ulqui-chan more?

**Orihime:** Hmm... Ulquiorra is very strong and brave. But L-san is very sweet and funny. He's so kind, and smart, and handsome...not to mention we have the same tastes!

**L: **I'm handsome...?

**akuhime-chan: **You didn't know?

**L:** Well, there are no pictures of me in existence, my room is too dark for a mirror, and I've been called a pervert before but never handsome...

**Ulquiorra:** What about me? You said we look alike, so I must be handsome too, right?

**akuhime-chan:** Actually, your tear streaks make you look emo.

**Ulquiorra:** ...

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Please send in your reviews! We accept any input and we will do anything to make you happy!

**L:** I want cake.

**Orihime:** I want a kareoke machine!

**Ulquiorra: **I want to go home.

**akuhime-chan:** And I want an L plushie! Happy Thanksgiving!


	2. Aizen, atomic bombs, and bee stings

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Wow! I know I said somewhere that I would update every week, but we got so many reviews I had to update right away!

**Ulquiorra:** You didn't say that anywhere.

**Orihime:** Yes she did, it's on her profile!

**Ulquiorra:** Who's going to see it there?

**L:** Who cares?! I want my cake!!

**Orihime:** What's with him?

**akuhime-chan:** Sugar withdrawal. Can you blame him? He hasn't had any cake all day.

**Ulquiorra:** Can we get to the reviews before he develops a taste for human flesh?

_ARCtheElite:_

_Very random. Not saying that it's bad, but it's random. And if you didn't make it sound funny that you were desperate, you would have sounded...well...desperate._

_I also think that somewhere in those rules we're supposed to agree to it says that conversation stories aren't allowed._

_Too bad, isn't it? Some rather good stories can be told mainly in dialogue._

**akuhime-chan:** Umm... Thanks?

**Orihime:** We won't tell if you won't. Besides, I don't think anybody likes that rule.

**Ulquiorra:** Maybe sometime later we'll have a regular chapter.

_shiniele:_

_Hehe that was fun! Ok i wanted to ask Ulqui-cha...(gouh)Ulquiorra-kun if he has any feelings for Orihim-oh forget it! Ask him if he has any feelings at all...  
And one more thing about Ulquiorra-kun: Are u an Aizen-otaku like the rest of the espada?If yes, should we take it that you're hom.. interested in the same gender?(yaoi alert hehehe...)_

_Ah, please akuhime-chan give L a cake! (So cute...)_

**akuhime-chan:** I was hoping we'd get a review like this. Ulqui-chan?

**Ulquiorra:** Feelings? I suppose. I feel disgust whenever I see a human. They're such weak and pathetic trash...

**akuhime-chan:** Do you feel anything for Orihime?

**Ulquiorra:** Not particularly.

**akuhime-chan:** And Aizen? Are you obsessed with him or what?

**Ulquiorra:** Now I wouldn't say _that_...

**akuhime-chan:** So are you gay?

**Ulquiorra:** Excuse me?

**akuhime-chan:** Are you gay?

**Ulquiorra:** Next question please...

**akuhime-chan:** OMG, HE IS!!!! -nosebleeds and faints-

**Orihime:** Oh! L-san! You get a cake!

**L:** Wha...? CAKE!!!!!!! -glomps-

**Ulquiorra:** Well that was disturbing.

**Orihime:** Aww... Is somebody jealous?

**L:** Of you or me?

_xxVizardxxRukiaxx_

_Very funny, hehe~ I look forward to reading your story. I love crossovers.. *sighs* But anyway, hallarious, but I call for more characters and random voilence. Also I HAVE A CHALANGE FOR YOU! If you want to take it it would get much palblisity from the HitsuRuki army. Anyway.. FOR MY CHALLANGE: You must have the following somewere:_

_speakers, idiots, buttheads, cats, bee stings, bushes, thorns, stitches, bandaids, parrots, jeans that say "YOU SUCK", a shirt that says "YOU SUCK," shoes 5 sizes too small, and an atomic bomb._

_Pretty tricky.. But you said we can do requests, and hey I'm reading your story. You must give me credit. Also tell L I said hi. ^^_

**akuhime-chan:** Well, I'll see what I can do.

**xxxPLEASE STAND BYxxx**

**akuhime-chan:** Okay, that should do it. Coincidentally, I was already wearing a t-shirt that says "YOU SUCK". Not that any of you do, that's just me.

**Orihime:** As for the atomic bomb, I blew up Hueco Mundo after I escaped. I think Aizen was still in there--

**Ulquiorra:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN!!!! THIS DAY CAN'T POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE!!!!

**Orihime:** --but Grimmjow escaped.

**Ulquiorra:** Me and my big mouth.

**L:** WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?

**akuhime-chan:** Oh, great now look what you've done. Your screaming made poor L-san go deaf.

**Orihime:** You blew out the speakers, too.

**akuhime-chan:** What?! The world's greatest detective is now deaf _and_ I need a new computer?! Thanks a lot, Ulqui-_chan_, you butthead (seriously?). -throws a beehive-

**Ulquiorra:** OW! How dare you-- OW! OW!!

**Orihime:** Don't you think that was a little harsh?

**akuhime-chan:** No. I don't. Go help L. Here, Ulquiorra. You can have some Band-aids.

**parrot:** Butthead! Butthead! AWK!!

**Ulquiorra:** Grr... Stupid parrot... -chases parrot into bushes-

**Orihime:** Be careful, Ulquiorra! That bush has--

**Ulquiorra:** OWWW!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!

**Rukia:** What's going on in here?

**akuhime-chan:** Ulqui-chan is being an idiot and I think he needs stitches now.

**Hitsugaya:** I'll go get Unohana-taicho. -kisses Rukia and leaves-

**akuhime-chan:** So you and Shiro-chan are an item?

**Rukia:** I guess...

**akuhime-chan:** Has he gotten you any presents yet? The way to a woman's heart is through a shower of gifts, after all.

**Rukia:** Well, he gave me a cat...

**akuhime-chan:** And you wanted a bunny.

**Rukia:** Yeah, pretty much.

**L:** Don't worry, Rukia. I can get you a bunny.

**Orihime:** -gasp- Is L trying to break them up?

**L:** Do not misunderstand. I merely wanted to cheer her up.

**akuhime-chan:** Aww... That's so sweet! I really wish I was in your place, Rukia. I love bunnies!

**Rukia:** He also got me a pair of shoes, but they were 5 sizes too small.

**L:** I don't wear shoes unless I have to.

**akuhime-chan:** Well, not everyone wants to walk around barefoot like you do.

**Orihime: **Have we forgotten anything?

**L: **The "YOU SUCK" jeans.

**akuhime-chan:** No problem! -pulls a magic marker out of nowhere and writes "YOU SUCK" on L's jeans-

**Orihime:** I guess that's everything.

**L: **This will wash out, right?

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** I know this is a bit early, since I just started part I, but in part V I have a slight dilemma.

**L:** I would like to take revenge on Light-kun.

**Ulquiorra:** I really don't want to turn back into that... -shivers-

**Orihime:** I think revenge is wrong!

**akuhime-chan:** So you see, I don't know who to listen to, so I'll listen to you, my beloved readers! Please cast your votes!


	3. parrots, magic markers, and tshirts

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** You know what? Forget the formalities. I'm just going to update whenever I get the chance.

**Rukia:** So how often do you think you will get the chance?

**akuhime-chan:** I don't know, like, every day?

**Hitsugaya: **You better not, or you'll never have time to update anything else.

**akuhime-chan:** That's true... But for the time being, updating this is too much fun. I'll manage somehow...

**L:** Don't worry, akuhime-chan! I am good at multitasking! I can do this and _Eternal Night_ at the same time!

**Orihime:** He can also sleep and watch TV at the same time.

**akuhime-chan:** Cool! Like an old man!

**Ulquiorra: **Let's not put me in the hospital this episode, okay?

_xxVizardxxRukiaxx:_

_Hehe~ Wow, now that's something right there! Ah, you forgot the parrot I belive now, but otherwise, I didn't think you could almost pull it off! (Almost, lol.)_

_The army is going to be thanking you! But unfortunately some of our members are.. *ahem* missapearing, hm. I wonder I fL can find them, LOL. But I do have a few freinds I can force to review and of cource the Btw, Poor Ullqi-chan, xD._

_Light.. Hm.. How bout we get Ryuk on here instead, much more entertaining, yes? But having light would be.. Amusing. Oh course that means you must even it out again with a Bleach member too. Hm, How bout we let someone else decide that, ne? (haha~ Candy coated apples.. xD)_

_Seriously, give the poor guy some frikkin cake! He can actually die from not having enough sugar in a day ya know! And It's a holliday! And Be nice or I will be force to go Bankai on you bakas. (lol~)_

**akuhime-chan:** What? We put in a parrot! Ulqui-chan chased it into the bushes, remember?

**Orihime:** That's how he got the stitches, right?

**Ulquiorra:** You're lucky I didn't press charges.

**L:** Alright! More cake!

**Ryuk:** Did someone mention apples?

**all:** -gasp-

**Orihime:** Wh-Who are you? Are you Ryuk?

**L:** I didn't meet him in the series...

**Ulquiorra:** That's because you were dead.

**akuhime-chan:** I have apple cake... I was going to give it to L but...

**Ryuk:** -laughs- You can't deny me. I am a shinigami, after all.

**L:** My cake... -sobs-

**Rukia:** Don't worry, L. We have tons of other cakes you can have!

_Essence Of Hollow:_

_Hm.. after being forced against my will.. by a woman who shall remain nameless, I have't to read this and give my review.._

(-After-)

ROFL! xDxDxD  
You guys are f**king geniuses!  
Then again, L shall be L.  
HAHAHA xD Yaoi fan girls must be luving this! xDxD  
The HitsuRuki part.. Hm.. Well the army shall be happy.. whatever that means..  
Haha, so you take challanges? Ah, I have one:

YOU MUST PUT: GODZILLA (Or however the F* you spell it.) IN YOUR NEXT CHAPTER.

*nodds somnenly* Good luck my freind. *Leaves in stolen T-Shirt saying "YOU SUCK"*

**Orihime:** So she forced you, huh? That's not very nice. Oh, well. It all worked out in the end, right, akuhime-chan?

**akuhime-chan: **Why you... I was wondering where that went!! You stole it?!

**Hitsugaya:** We made the fans happy, that's what counts, right?

**akuhime-chan:** NO!!! This morning, I couldn't find it so I had to wear a Spongebob shirt!

**L:** You poor girl. No one should have to go through that...

**Ulquiorra:** Having to walk around with that horrible _thing_ smiling at you all day... I almost feel sorry for you...

_abyrn:_

_wow...that was absolutely mind boggling. at some point L should get a hold of that magic marker you used to write on his jeans, and start adding to ulquiorra's tear marks. Why are we being so mean to Ulqui-chan in this fic?_

**Ulquiorra:** What does it say?

**akuhime-chan:** Uhh...nothing! Hey, you look kind of thirsty! Here, have a glass of water!

**Ulquiorra:** I do not see the point, but oh well... -drinks- Hey, is it just me, or is the room spinning...? -collapses-

**L:** A sleeping pill?

**akuhime-chan: **Yup. He'll be out for a few hours. -tosses him the marker- Here. Knock yourself out.

**L:** Awesome! I think they need more volume...

**Orihime: **I want to help, too!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** By the way, xxVizardxxRukiaxx, when you said "be nice," did you mean be nice to L-san, or be nice to everyone?

**Ulquiorra:** Ow... My head...

**akuhime-chan, Rukia, Orihime, and Ryuk:** -snicker-

**Ulquiorra:** What's so funny?

**Hitsugaya:** Looking good there, Ulqui-chan.

**Ulquiorra:** Huh?

**Ryuk:** -holds up a mirror-

**Ulquiorra:** GAAAAH!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY FACE?!!!

**akuhime-chan:** "We" have done nothing.

**Ryuk: **It was all L and Orihime.

**Ulquiorra:** L?!! I knew he was nothing but trash!! Where is he?!!!

**akuhime-chan: **L has wisely chosen this moment to go help xxVizardxxRukiaxx find her missing club members.

**Orihime:** Don't forget to vote in the poll--

**Rukia:** --read the _Eternal Night_ series--

**Ryuk:** --and always, always, ALWAYS review!

**akuhime-chan:** Next chapter: Godzilla!


	4. MIAs, love triangles, and Godzilla

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** I got so bored waiting for you all to update. Were you all sleeping off the turkey you ate?

**L:** I came back to help! I have to go back when we're done, though...

**akuhime-chan:** So have you found them yet?

**L:** Not yet, but I'm close.

**Ulquiorra:** Yeah, right. You were probably too busy eating cake.

**akuhime-chan:** -hits Ulquiorra over the head with a shovel- Don't talk bad about L-san! xxVizardxxRukiaxx will kill us! And even if she doesn't, I'll kill you for being mean to him!

**L:** Guys, killing is wrong.

_PuppiesAreAdorable:_

_Sweet!! This story is awesome, just like L-chan!! X3_

_Ulqui-chan, you're cute too but...my L-chan plushie rules all!_

_XD_

_L-chan!! how DARE they take away your cake!! Here, have a year's supply of yummy cakes!!_

_Next time you have to have...everyone getting on a sugar high (even Ulqui-chan) and have Near and Mello come, then have Ren-Ren-chan (Renji) and Momo to get together with Shiro-chan!! the HitsuHina Army is ten THOUSAND times greater than the HitsuRuki army!! BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!_

**L:** I don't know whether to be flattered, disturbed, or... Wait, did you say cake?

**akuhime-chan:** No way! You have an L plushie?! I want one!!

**Orihime:** Umm... about HitsuRuki and HitsuHina...

**Hitsugaya:** It's not that I don't like Momo, but, well... we went out for a while, and then I hooked up with Rukia when she went crazy. There's still hope, though, when she gets out of jail.

**Rukia:** I heard that, baka.

**Hitsugaya:** -gulp-

**Rukia:** Whatever. I was planning to break up anyway.

**Renji:** Well? Have you told them yet?

**Rukia:** I was just about to.

**Ulquiorra:** Never mind. We don't want to know.

_xxVizardxxRukiaxx:_

_lol, whenever you can update huh? this will be interesting. Ah okay, I made that person review_ _against there will but what can I say? I'm Evil most of the time._

_Oh yeah.. haha, well you did complete the chalange then! Congrats! And also I was just Talking about L. He is to cute, and has way more Fangirls, than Ullqiorra._

_Yay! L. is helping me! And appearantly has very good room service.. He's paying anyway! ^^_

_Godzilla.. Did she have't to do that? Probably._

_Oh and here's a Bleach T-shirt. *Hands T-shirt* We can't start advertising stupid and mindless cartoons. People might start choosing them over anime.._

_P.S: I look forward to reading your fic._

**akuhime-chan:** You tell us to be nice to L-san and then go off and make him pay for a hotel room?! That's hypocritical!

**L:** It doesn't matter. I have more money, and besides, it's common courtesy.

**akuhime-chan:** I guess. Oh well. I got a t-shirt. :3

**Ryuk:** Why would anyone want to watch cartoons instead of anime?

**Near:** Only stupid people do that.

**akuhime-chan:** FINALLY!!! What took you so long to get here?

**Mello:** We were busy with other things.

**All:** -lean in expectantly-

**Near:** Mello ran out of chocolate so we stopped to get more.

**All:** -sigh disappointedly-

**Mello:** What were you expecting?

**akuhime-chan:** Oh, nothing. Oh, and by the way, in response to xxVizardxxRukiaxx's review for _Eternal Night_, I got the dates from _Death Note 13: How to Read_. It has interviews, character profiles, the pilot chapter, and a timeline. I only guess about 5% of the time. And I did know what I was doing, thank you very much.

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Okay, here it is! The long-awaited interview with Godzilla!

**Godzilla:** Hi.

**akuhime-chan:** So Godzilla, what are your hobbies?

**Godzilla:** Destroying Tokyo.

**akuhime-chan:** You do that a lot?

**Godzilla:** Not recently.

**akuhime-chan:** Okay... L-san?

**L:** What's your favorite snack?

**Godzilla:** Japanese people.

**L:** Why Japanese? Why not Americans?

**Godzilla:** I'm on a diet.

**Ulquiorra:** Why do you bother doing anything?

**Godzilla:** Cuz I'm not an emo freak like you.

**Ulquiorra:** ...

**Orihime:** Do you have anyone you love?

**Godzilla:** ...Who is this girl?

**Rukia:** Do you like your job?

**Godzilla:** I guess. It lets me do what I love.

**Renji:** How's the weather up there?

**Godzilla:** Do you have a deathwish?

**Hitsugaya:** How much do you eat in a day?

**Godzilla:** Are you calling me fat?

**Near:** How did you grow so big?

**Godzilla:** ...

**Near: **I mean tall?

**Godzilla:** Oh, you know. Eating plenty of cows and vegetarians. (milk and veggies lol)

**Mello:** Do you like chocolate?

**Godzilla:** Everyone likes chocolate.

**Ryuk:** Do you consider yourself lucky that you don't have to follow a spoiled brat around all day?

**Godzilla:** I suppose.

**akuhime-chan:** And that concludes our interview with Godzilla! Thank you for coming!

**Godzilla:** No problem.

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Thank you for reading! -pours sugar into water supply-

**L:** Here are the poll results!

**_Should Ulquiorra regain his memories as L?_**

**_1) No. 0_**

**_2) Yes, and he should take revenge on Light. 2_**

**_3) Yes, but he should just let it go. 0_**

**akuhime-chan: **Review, vote, read the other fic, and send L-san some cake!


	5. war, peace, and karaoke

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Okay, welcome to chapter 5! Orihime is currently trying to get Ulqui-chan to eat what looks like a taco with chocolate sauce, and Ulqui-chan is doing what any sentient being would do: running. Near is busy smashing his Transformers together, Mello is tearing up the place looking for a Hershey bar, and Ryuk is rolling around on the floor laughing.

**L:** Hitsugaya, Rukia, Renji, and Momo are all at counseling (for security reasons), and since I eat nothing but sugar for every meal anyways, akuhime-chan and I are the only sane ones left.

**akuhime-chan:** Today, I have a feeling we will be forced to prevent a nuclear war.

_xxVizardxxRukiaxx:_

_Ah, I have returned to Update! Erm lets see.._

_AH, L! One of the members has returned.. Exams were holding her back.. (sighs) But, you get a day off! And Killing is not wrong it is right, when you have an excuse OF COURSE! Like me for an instance.._

_PuppiesAreAddorable, huh? I already know that girl is F* prepp, so I might have't to kill her, and what did she say about the HitsuHina army? First of all, there is no suck army, and if there so happenly is, I would like to see proof. Second of all, don't insult me, or I will be forced to kill you without hesitation, and you will die a slow, but painful death by my hands. Any  
Questions?_

_XBlueSkyX: YES! How dare they insult us? What have we done to them? Nothing! Unless, of course someone has done something we do not know of.. either way! DOWN WITH THE HITSUHINA ARMY!_

_Ah, L. for helping me, here is STRAWBERRY CAKE =D With sugar of course._

_Hm.. What's going on here.. Is there going to be a battle of Pairings? and besides, I'm also with IchiRuki.. They Rule the Bleach Pairing world.._

_Anyway, Interviewing Godzilla.. New one! And Duh! Who doesn't like chocolate mello?! Anyway, Great Chapter. Can't wait for the update!_

_Also XBlueSkyX is a real member of the HitsuRuki army._

**L:** All right! I get cake AND the day off!

**akuhime-chan:** -covers L's ears- I know killing is okay, but you know L-san. I keep having this dream where I pick up a Death Note and use it to kill Light.

**Mello:** DID SOMEONE SAY CHOCOLATE?!! WHERE IS IT?!! GIMMIE!!!

**akuhime-chan:** Whoa, there. I think Ulqui-chan has chocolate.

**Mello:** ULQUI-CHAN?!!! GIMMIE MY CHOCOLATE!!!

**Ulquiorra:** HELP!!! THESE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!!!!

**akuhime-chan:** Well, I guess we'll be stopping a war after all.

_BlackBelt:_

_Hello ^^ Just making sure there is no animosty happening here. I don't want  
anything to happen between the HitsuRuki-Army and this HitsuHina-Army!_

_Spread the love and peace!! ^^_

**akuhime-chan:** See? At least someone agrees with me.

**L:** But how do we keep our beloved fanfic from becoming a battleground?

**akuhime-chan:** Well, I can see only one way out of this.

* * *

**???:** You don't really mean that!

**???:** What? Of course I do!

**???:** No you don't! Who could possibly love a _witch_?

**???:** Oh, come on. You're beautiful. Besides, you've saved my life on more than one occasion. That's more than enough to make someone love you.

**???:** Hmph. Strange words coming from a _terrorist_.

**???:** Heh. You don't say?

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Anyone who guesses this pairing gets to call the shots! I don't want to hear any complaints either!

**L:** You probably already figured this out, but it's not from _Bleach_ or _Death Note_.

**akuhime-chan:** Well, now that that's settled, let's get on with the special surprise!

**L:** Orihime finally got her karaoke machine, so every five chapters, we're going to sing for you!

**akuhime-chan:** You can send in requests, but please only do so evey five chapters! If we don't know any of the requests, we may just sing whatever we want, or something completely random and stupid.

**L:** Like now!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** GOIN' DOWN TO SOUTH PARK GONNA HAVE MYSELF A TIME!

**Near and Mello:** FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE! HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION!

**akuhime-chan:** GOIN' DOWN TO SOUTH PARK GONNA SEE IF I CAN'T UNWIND!

**Orihime:** AMPLE PARKING DAY OR NIGHT! PEOPLE SPOUTING "HOWDY, NEIGHBOR!"

**akuhime-chan:** GOIN' DOWN TO SOUTH PARK GONNA LEAVE MY WOES BEHIND!

**L:** -tries to sing with cake in his mouth-

**akuhime-chan:** COME ON DOWN TO SOUTH PARK AND MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** If you didn't like that, then send in a request! If you did, send one anyway!

**L:** Here are the poll results!

**_Should Ulquiorra regain his memories as L?_**

**_1) No. 0_**

**_2) Yes, and he should take revenge on Light. 3_** (This is including AmeKage, who can't vote. And no, I don't think that's enough. His life revolves around sugar.)

**_3) Yes, but he should just leave it alone. 0_**

**akuhime-chan:** Seriously, people! VOTE!!! Even if you absolutely _know_ your choice will win, more votes means more motivation.

**L:** Trust me. When she has low motivation, she takes _forever _to get things done.

**Mello:** REVIEW!!! REVIEW OR I'LL SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE!!!


	6. food fights, Matt, and POMEGRANATE!

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Wow. Today was horrible. Everyone was puking from all the sugar and I think Near has diabetes now.

**Mello:** Anywho, the world's greatest (and craziest) fanfiction is back for the final chapter before the stupid author has to go back to the school she never dropped out of.

**akuhime-chan:** Hey, in order to take over the world, one needs a college education! Just ask Light! _He _went to college before he became "god of the new world!"

**Mello:** Don't remind me.

**L:** The point is we're back and we may not be able to update for a while--

**akuhime-chan:** Hey! High school isn't _that_ hard!

**Ulquiorra:** Let's just get to the reviews, alright?

_LarvaxMiyu31:_

_Holy-Crap_

**Light:**Where?!

_behind you..._

**Light:** -starts to chase himself-

_This is pure genious! It's freaking awesome! Hey you know what you should add in? You should add in a part where Ryuk challenges L to a Apple Cake eating contest... I mean seriously or for that matter put L and Mello in a closet with only one piece of chocolate. It would be like a battle to the death!_

**akuhime-chan:** Yes, I think we've already established that there are three geniuses in this fic.

**L: **Three?

**akuhime-chan:** You, me, and Near.

**Mello:** What about me?!

**akuhime-chan:** What _about _you?

**Mello:** -grumble-

**akuhime-chan:** Anyways, as of right now, I have a strict policy of "one food-fight per chapter," so we'll do your closet deathmatch idea next time.

_Vi-Violence:_

_um, i vote for #2, and i request a pomagranite centric chapter, and heres a big slice of pumpkin pie with extra whipped cream for L because last time i checked he eats other sweets than just cake, and tea flavored sugar_

**akuhime-chan:** Yes! Pomegranate! Awesome! Uh... What's a pomegranate?

**L: **I think it's a fruit.

**akuhime-chan:** Oh, right! Pomegranate! How we gonna do that?

**L:** And while it's true that I _do_ eat things other than cake and tea-flavored sugar, I only eat them once in a great while. But thank you, though.

**akuhime-chan:** Bleah. I don't know how you can eat that. It tastes like puke.

_PuppiesAreAdorable:_

_*is growling*_

_Well, i should be the one doing the slow, torturous killing here for be called a Prep! (GAahh!! *cringes* THE HORROR!!) but i'm going to be the sensible one and NOT take this challenge. Or the lazy one. Whatever. Yeah, i like HitsuHina AND IchiHime. What of it? Don't say anything, because i DON'T care!! Right. So bash me all you want; I won't even acknowloge you._

_YAY!! Mello and Near!! X3 Hey guys!! Look what i haavvee!! *opens door to find a truckload of chocolate and toys and video games*_

**Mello:** Video games?? Is Matt here as well?

_YEP!! He's in there somewhere..._

**L:** There's nothing for me??

_Don't cry!! i gave you cake in my last review, remember? But here, have a cookie instead!!_

**L:** YAY!!

_Anyways. Update soon!_

**Mello:** MATT!!!

**Matt:** Hey, everyone! It's me! The only Wammy boy with a normal-sounding name, even if it isn't my real one!

**L:** I gots a cookie. How come you never give me cookies?

**akuhime-chan:** You said you'd only ask for pay in _cakes_!

**Near:** Are there any dinosaurs in there? -mumbles something about pomegranites-

**Mello:** No, you gotta say it loud, like you just won the lottery.

**Near:** POMEGRANATES!!!

**Matt:** Yeah, like that!

_ZacerioSan:_

_I has a challenge, Make Ulquiorra fight the army of ten million grimmjow clones that I've created -crazy-evil-super-insane-laugh-of-doom-_

_Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha  
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha  
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
Great Chapter, Keep up the good work, Or I'll kill you with a butcher knife in yo sleep :)_

**akuhime-chan:** Great advice cuz I _totally_ wasn't planning to anyways. -rolls eyes at ZacerioSan- Besides, it takes more than a butcher knife to kill me.

**L:** What would it take?

**akuhime-chan:** Are you still mad about the cookies?

**Ulquiorra:** T-Ten million Grimmjows? That's like having ten million mosquitoes buzzing in your ear!

**Near:** Yup. All annoying and all want your blood.

**Ulquiorra:** How can you do this to me?! After all we've... No! Bad kitty! Stay away!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

**akuhime-chan:** By the way, in case you were wondering, Grimmy-chan is actually my favorite _Bleach _character. It's just Ulqui-chan that doesn't like him.

**L:** Who's your favorite _Death Note_ character?

**akuhime-chan:** You have to ask? -hugs- So, after Ulqui-chan gets his clock cleaned, can I borrow your army of Grimmjows? Pwetty pwease? -puppy eyes-

**L:** POMEGRANATE!!!

**Ulquiorra:** I-I hate...all...of...you... -faints-

**akuhime-chan:** Notice how he "faints" instead of "passes out."

**Mello:** Like a girl!

**Matt: **Like you're one to talk.

**Mello:** What?!

**Near:** He's right. Girly hair, girly clothes, girly eating habits... (chocolate)

**akuhime-chan:** I bet he's secretly a cross-dresser...

**Mello:** I AM NOT A GIRL!!!!

**akuhime-chan:** What was that?

**Mello:** Uh, I mean... POMEGRANATE!!!

**akuhime-chan:** That's better.

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Here it is, ladies! (are there any guys who read this, or did the yaoi thing at the beginning scare them all away?) L vs. Ryuk apple cake eating contest!

**L:** -starts eating-

**Ryuk: **Done!

**L:** What?!

**Ryuk: **Sorry. My mouth is bigger than yours.

**akuhime-chan:** -hits Ryuk with a frying pan- How dare you be better at something than L! We're gonna get flamers for this!! -continues to hit Ryuk-

**Near:** Here are the poll results.

**_Should Ulquiorra regain his memories as L?_**

**_1) No. 0_**

**_2) Yes, and he should take revenge on Light. 4_**

**_3) Yes, but he should just let it go. 0_**

**Matt:** Since akuhime-chan seems intent on killing Ryuk, I'll say it. Read, review, vote, and stay tuned for L vs. Mello closet deathmatch! POMEGRANATE!!!


	7. chocolate, kitties, and OOCness

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan: **Hello, my beloved fans and readers (though I should hope you're both)! Welcome to our one-week anniversary!

**Mello: **She's been updating almost every day for a week now.

**akuhime-chan:** YUP!!! You guys are awesome!!! Keep sending in reviews! They're one of the three things that keep the show going!

**Mello:** Three? What are the other two?

**akuhime-chan:** ME!!!

**L:** And me!

**Ulquiorra:** What about me? Aren't I one of the main characters?

**akuhime-chan:** Well yeah, but no one likes you, apparently.

**Ulquiorra:** -goes emo-

**Mello:** Nice to see you finally living up to your appearance, you effin' prick.

**Near:** Speak for yourself, freak.

**Mello:** What'd you just call me?!

**Matt:** Whoa, calm down, guys. akuhime-chan is the only one allowed to use violence on this show unless specified otherwise.

**akuhime-chan:** Thank you, Matt. Now let's get on to the reviews, shall we?

_Bleach Girl:_

_Lol XD Funny_

_I vote for...NUMERO THREE! It would be kinda OOC for Ulqui to take revenge o.O It's been like how many days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries -keeps going and purposely implies that Ulqui is very old-_

_And i'm an UlquiHime shipper -should already know that since this fic is in the UlquiHime section 8D- And I would like to challenge Grimmjow and Ulquiorra for a fight to the death ova Hime-chan! -cuz I knowz you have the hotz for her- Plus...don't you agree at that fine threesome?_

_..._

_:3_

**akuhime-chan:** I dunno... You'd be surprised at what Ulquiorra will do when he gets angry (and yes he does get angry). Besides, he will have his memories back, so technically, he will be L. Not to mention, in _Eternal Night_ it's only been, like, seven or eight years.

**Orihime:** But why is it in the UlquiHime section?

**akuhime-chan:** Cuz you can't put it in LHime. They don't let you do that.

**Ulquiorra:** I suppose I should probably get over Aizen. It has been six chapters, after all.

**akuhime-chan:** Huh? I thought you were gay.

**Ulquiorra:** I'm bi. Got a problem with that?

**Grimmjow:** Uh, yeah. I have a problem. Get away from Orihime! She's mine!!

**Ulquiorra:** Since when? I don't see your name on her.

**Grimmjow:** Shut up! Why don't you go make out with Blondie over there?

**Mello:** O.o

**akuhime-chan:** Well, this is awkward. Not only am I an UlquiHime fan, but I'm also a GrimmIchi fan. So GrimmHime isn't in my vocabulary, but I'll try!

**Orihime:** Can't I just be paired with Ichigo?

_ink-pen33:_

_How do you update your stories? I have storie called 'how the hell' its right above yours, and i want to_ _update. it my first ff. i could would you read it and give some pointers?_

_I give L a triple stack cake flavored with chocolate, straberry, and vannil with sprinkles, and my speacial icing with 2 pounds of sugar in it._

_oh yes, LOL!! I LOVE L!! HE IS MY FAVORITEST DEATH NOTE CHARACTER!!_

**akuhime-chan:** Wow. I've only been writing fanfics for two weeks and someone has alredy come to me for pointers. -sniff- I feel so loved...

**Orihime:** The review?

**akuhime-chan:** Huh? Oh, right. You just load a new chapter with the Document Manager and then go to My Stories, click on your fanfic, then click Content/Chapters and put in the file. Also, I'd be happy to read it!

**L:** YAY!!! CAKE!!!!

**akuhime-chan:** Aww... Who doesn't love L? I love him even though I'm on Kira's side (till he goes crazy).

**Grimmjow:** I don't love him.

**akuhime-chan:** -glares-

**Grimmjow:** But, since I am new to this fic and have no right to say so, I will shut up now.

**akuhime-chan:** Good kitty.

**Matt:** Hey! You can't just make Grimmjow submit to you like that! He has to stay in character!

**akuhime-chan:** This is a fanfiction. I can make the characters do whatever I want.

**Matt:** No, you can't! It's disloyal to the series!

**akuhime-chan:** Oh, yeah? Watch me!

**Mello:** Hi, everyone! My name is Mihael Keehl, but you can call me Mello! I'm 21 years old, I like chocolate, and I'm a crossdresser with an ugly facial scar!

**Matt:** You disgust me.

**akuhime-chan:** Yeah, I get that a lot.

**Ulquiorra:** I think I'll just behave like a good little Espada from now on.

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Alright, everyone! The moment you've all been waiting for! The L vs. Mello Closet Deathmatch!

-click-

**L:** Why are we locked in a closet?

**Mello:** I think they want us to fight or something.

**L:** Why would I want to fight yo--do I smell chocolate?

**Mello:** WHERE?!!!

**L:** I don't know, but I'm hungry!

**Mello: **THAT CHOCOLATE IS MINE!!!

**L:** Didn't Roger ever teach you kids to share?!

_BANG CRASH BAM_

-silence-

**L:** Where's my chocolate?

**akuhime-chan:** Well, I guess that means Mello's dead. Orihime?

**Orihime:** Right. _Soten kishun! I reject!_

**Grimmjow:** Wow. So the panda can fight, huh?

**akuhime-chan:** Of course. L is a master of the Brazillian martial art capoera. Mello, on the other hand, relies on his guns, which I took away from him.

**Grimmjow:** So it was rigged.

**Near:** Welcome to our world, Neko-chan.

**akuhime-chan:** Anyways, before Near reveals what a cruel person I am, here are the poll results!

**_Should Ulquiorra regain his memories as L?_**

**_1) No. 0_**

**_2) Yes, and he should take revenge on Light. 5_**

**_3) Yes, but he should just let it go. 1_**

**akuhime-chan:** By the way, where's Ryuk?

**Grimmjow:** You mean that tall guy in the black leather? I think I saw him talking to some guy with brown hair outside. He looked pretty serious.

**akuhime-chan:** Ryuk?

**Grimmjow:** No, the other one.

**L:** I suppose that would be Light-kun. He's probably looking for me.

**akuhime-chan:** Well, that concludes today's lesson. Remember, kids: Read, Review, and vote, vote, VOTE! Luvs to U all!


	8. eloping, Mario Kart, and bathroom crying

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** I'm sorry if anyone can't keep up with me, but if I don't update RIGHT EFFIN' NOW it will be near impossible to update next time without making it a double chapter.

**L:** Not that that wouldn't be cool, but she still needs to update _Eternal Night_.

**akuhime-chan:** Look, to update, I need inspiration, and it doesn't just show up at your front door and start singing Christmas carols and asking for wassail and figgy pudding.

**Mello:** Umm...huh?

**Near:** Wassail is an alcoholic beverage traditionally given to carolers on Christmas.

**akuhime-chan:** I have to memorize _The Wassail Song_ for our school's holiday concert, but since I'm not old enough to drink, I call it _The Waffle Song_. No one even notices!

**Orihime:** Oh, I love waffles! Especially with maple syrup and pickles!

**L:** I eat them with ice cream and strawberries!

**Mello:** I eat them with chocolate syrup!

**akuhime-chan:** Ah... I just eat 'em plain.

**Ulquiorra:** Me too. I hate sweet things.

**All:** -GASP!-

**akuhime-chan:** What was I thinking making you two the same person?!

**L:** I HATE YOU!!! HEATHEN!!!!

**Grimmjow:** Orihime, do you want to spend your life with a health-food Nazi?! Run away with me!

**akuhime-chan:** You can't do that! Who am I going to run away with?

_StalkerChan:_

_:D I just had a bowl full of whipped cream and twizzlers and I feel like doing somthing DEMONIC!!_

**All:** O_O Crap.

_I want Near and Renji to have a serious discussion about moss, while quoting Monty Python. And it must involve plushies. Oh, and at some point L has to be force-fed celery, 'cos I'm just mean like that. And Matt... I kick your butt in Mario Kart. Ha. **passes out from immesnse suger crash**_

**akuhime-chan:** Aw, and we just got this worked out! Oh, well, the reviewer knows best, I suppose. Unfortunately, I don't know any Monty Python (i iz socially challenged) so you're just going to have to do without. Also, Renji is still in relationship counseling with Rukia and Shiro-chan, so don't expect to see him every chapter.

**Renji:** So...

**Near:** So. Moss.

**Renji:** Yeah...moss. Moss is...uh...green.

**Near:** Yup. Green moss. Nice and...green.

**Renji:** It grows on trees and rocks.

**Near:** North side.

**Renji:** Uh-huh... Why don't we just skip to the celery?

**Ulquiorra:** FINALLY!!! THIS IS FOR STEALING MY SPOTLIGHT, YOU EFFIN' PANDA!!!!

**L:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

**akuhime-chan:** Go easy on him, Ulqui-chan! If you hurt him, we might have to end the story! Or worse!!

**Mello:** What could be worse than ending the story?

**akuhime-chan:** Pig wrestling.

**All: **-shudder-

**Orihime:** What if we put peanut butter on it?

**L:** I guess that would make it more tolerable. I still wouldn't like it, though.

**akuhime-chan:** I know what you mean. I hate celery.

**Mello:** Hey, where's Matt?

**Near:** He's crying in the bathroom because he got beat in a video game.

**Mello:** I better go get him.

**Ryuk:** I've always wanted to beat that guy at Mario Kart. I can't even beat Light, and he's not even that good.

**Ulquiorra:** I guess I'll never get to have any fun.

**Grimmjow:** Nope. Guess not.

**akuhime-chan:** I just hope we don't get any hate mail.

_Bleach Girl:_

_Again...funny._

_-throws an ice cream flavored cake in the middle of L and Mello-_

_:D_

_Orihime: NU! WAI CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS TO YOUR FEELINGS? IT'S SO OBVIOUS HE JUST WENT THERE TO FIGHT...IT'S IN HIS NATURE/INSTINCTS! PLUS,_

_SPOILER_

_When you slapped Ulqui-kun and had the hearts talk with him, it's obvious you two are canon :3_

_And making Ulqui bi, is just pure genius ._

_-takes out a GrimmjowOrihimeUlquiorra flag out of no where with their faces in that order- WOOT WOOT!_

**L:** ICE CREAM CAKE!

**Mello:** You can have it. I only like chocolate.

**L:** Suit yourself.

**Orihime:** What are you saying? How dare you say that about Ichigo? I-I... -runs into the bathroom to cry-

**akuhime-chan:** Ah... He's not _totally_ oblivious. He sort of knows in a don't-wanna-hurt-her-feelings kinda way.

**Ryuk:** He's prob'ly just gay.

**Ulquiorra:** How is that genius? There are plenty of bisexual people in the world.

**akuhime-chan:** Shut up! I'm basking in the praise of my reviewers!

**Grimmjow:** Y'know, that L guy is eating way too much sugar...

**akuhime-chan:** Insult him again and your name shall appear as Neko-chan for a week.

**Grimmjow:** -gulp-

_Rina Yuuki:_

_I read your tory and I just wanted to say that you update VERY quickly! I also wanted to request that someone has to be nice to Ulquiorra-kun because I think he deserves it. I also think that Ulqui-kun and Grimmjow-kun should fight just for the sake of it. ANYWAY- make sure to give L a really big cake for me!  
Over and out!_

**Ulquiorra: **I have a fan?

**akuhime-chan:** Hey, I'm your fan, too.

**Ulquiorra:** But you're a bitch.

**akuhime-chan:** True.

**Near:** I'll be nice to you, Ulquiorra-san.

**Ulquiorra:** Pinch me, I'm in heaven.

**Grimmjow:** So I get a fight?

**akuhime-chan:** Guess so.

**Grimmjow:** Sweet.

**L:** Speaking of sweet...

**akuhime-chan:** Yes, you can have your cake now.

**L:** YAY!!!

**Ryuk:** How come no one wants anything from me?

**Renji:** Maybe cuz you look like a zombie clown?

**akuhime-chan:** HEY!! WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?! BACK TO COUNSELING!!

**Renji: **Nobody loves me... -runs to cry in the bathroom-

**akuhime-chan:** We seem to be doing that a lot lately.

_AmeKage:_

_ah, yey! ive never been mentioned by any of the authors on here before! *happiness* although, i didn't exactly know what you meant. do you agree with me, or...? anyways, if you make him look for revenge, and he finds light, does light have memory loss, too? now THAT would be interesting. especially if he was all innocent and nice, the way he was before he found the deathnote... but im getting ahead of myself here. O_o_

**akuhime-chan:** I love choice #2, but I don't think that Orihime would ever say the exact same thing as Light. She's too nice to be so cruel. And even if it wasn't cruel, I doubt Ulquiorra would care about anything enough to go suspecting anyone and everyone of anything and everything. Y'know? Cuz I'm lost. And yes, it would be interesting. Very interesting indeed...

**Renji:** Before I go back to the screaming and the crying and the "and how does that make you feel," I have to ask: What were you guys talking about before I came in?

**akuhime-chan:** Oh, Ulquiorra said he doesn't like sweet things so we all decided to ditch him and elope. Grimmjow and Orihime, Matt and Mello, me and L (cuz I'm awesome like that), Near and his dinosaurs (?), Ryuk and apple cake, and the reviewers can elope with the army of L clones I made with the cloning machine I stole from ZacerioSan.

**Ulquiorra:** But where does that leave me?

**akuhime-chan:** Well, I guess you could put on a magic show or something...

**Near:** I bet you'd be real good at it, too.

**akuhime-chan:** But before that, You and Grimmjow have to fight!

**Ulquiorra:** Very well then. -draws sword-

**Grimmjow:** Ha! This'll be fun!

**Matt:** Since I am now the official joykill who ends the chapters, It is my duty to tell you that the likelihood that the poll results have changed is less than zero so we're not even going to bother. Don't forget to review. And bring cake and chocolate.


	9. Death Erasers, ATK, and Light Imagay

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Welcome to another fun-filled chapter of--

**Mello:** WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! YOU NEED TO UPDATE _ETERNAL NIGHT_!

**Near:** He's right, you know. You've only been writing this for the past week.

**akuhime-chan:** -sigh- I know. It's just that this one is more fun! I promise, as soon as I'm done with this chapter I'll update _Eternal Night_.

**Orihime:** I suppose it would help more if you weren't writing the boring part first, huh?

_Bleach Girl:_

_-a truck pulls in and dumps 9 lbs of chocolate onto L- Enjoy it L!_

_Aw, and poor Ryuk D: -a truck pulls in and dumps 9 lbs of apples onto Ryuk-_

_And I agree with Rina Yuuki. Be nice to Ulquiorra-sama!_

_-A Dark and Menacing Aura surrounds her-_

_Because I am a rapid fangirl who eats Ulquiorra/Orihime/UlquiHime flamerz (not disagreers) for breakfast -hisses while her hand twitches ever so slightly-_

**akuhime-chan:** Don't worry, Near will be Ulquiorra's friend from now on.

**Mello:** Hey! How come _he_ gets chocolate?!

**akuhime-chan:** I dunno, maybe cuz he's not a blond crossdresser with a gun? Or maybe that would get him even more chocolate...

**Ryuk:** Finally! Some recognition!

_kurengo-san:_

_you are totally awesome this is going to favorites L can havfe my stach of sugar candy ehich is mountain top to heavens L rocks and I kinda like ulwuiora whens hes being beat like thye ass hole he is make orihime do gigitty whit ichigo then grim and then WTF why you fuck us both hilarious I wanna see kira dead again that means light itsa pure awesomeness_

**akuhime-chan:** Okay, did anyone get anything out of this besides "you are awesome," "L gets candy," "beat Ulqui-chan's ass," and "kill Light?" Seriously, that middle part is murder on my sanity. If anyone can translate it, you are my god right now.

**Light:** Does that mean I'm part of the story now?

**akuhime-chan:** Yup. But not for long. -writes Light's name in Death Note-

**Light:** Urgh! -falls down and dies-

**akuhime-chan:** Yes, I have a Death Note. I also have the legendary Death Eraser from the pilot chapter! -erases Light's name-

**Light:** -miraculously recovers- Ow... Don't do that!

**akuhime-chan:** Sorry. We don't kill characters in this story ('cept Aizen, cuz he iz a bitch). This is also to the reviewers' advantage! Anyone who wants to see Light die again, just say the word! I will write his name in my Death Note and then bring him back with my Death Eraser and do it all over again!

**Light:** So you brought me here just to kill me? Now I know how L feels.

**akuhime-chan:** So let's all give a big round of applause for Light Imagay-- I mean, Yagami!

**xxxAPPLAUSExxx**

**Ryuk:** For some reason, the word "applause" reminds me of applesauce.

**akuhime-chan:** -gasp- ME TOO!! That's so cool!

_Rina Yuuki:_

_OMG I have never been mentioned in a story before! That is cool. Hey, just for the record I hope that both Grimmjow-kun and Ulqui-kun survive because Bleach would be a dark place without them...even though it is already a dark place...I think that you should put Ikkaku in because, according to my friend, he is my husband somehow...yeah... I guess that's it...WAIT! give L a cake made of cookies and Mellow a big 2 pound bar of chocolate for me!! Over and out! :D_

**akuhime-chan:** No problem! We post all our reviews on here, unless the reviewers don't want to be posted!

**Orihime:** And don't worry--Ulquiorra and Grimmjow are just resting in the infirmary.

**akuhime-chan:** Haha, they really beat the crap out of each other!

**Near:** Hey! Don't laugh at my friend! He fought bravely! Grimmjow cheated!

**Matt:** Of course he cheated. Grimmjow's ATK points aren't high enough to inflict any real damage.

**Light:** Who the hell is this guy? Why is he talking like this is a video game?

**L:** A cake made of cookies? Well, I've never been one to question a cake, but...

**Mello:** CHOCOLATE!!!!

**akuhime-chan:** Mello, slow down! You'll lose your girlish figure!

**Mello: **-starts eating faster-

**Ikkaku:** That's disgusting.

**akuhime-chan:** So you're Rina Yuki's husband?

**Ikkaku:** Well, if her friend says so, I guess it's true.

**akuhime-chan:** I dunno. My friends say I'm Kakuza from _Naruto_. That wouldn't be so bad if he didn't die.

**Light:** So all this story is is you guys goofing off and taking requests from your reviewers.

**akuhime-chan:** Pretty much. Oh! And don't forget that next chapter is the karaoke chapter! Please send in your request for a song and who you want to sing it!

**Near:** Here are the poll results. Due to an inability to properly keep track of votes in reviews, from now on, we will only count the votes that were actually submitted.

**_Should Ulquiorra regain his memories as L?_**

**_1) No. 0_**

**_2) Yes, and he should take revenge on Light. 6_**

**_3) Yes, but he should just leave it alone. 1_**

**Matt:** Stay tuned for the next chapter, where one of us makes a complete fool of ourselves! Read, review, and VOTE!!!


	10. Barbies, Cher, and zOMG!

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Hi everyone! Sorry for the wait! I was writing the new chapter for _Eternal Night_ and I got sidetracked.

**Mello:** In other words, she was busy playing zOMG! like an idiot.

**akuhime-chan:** Hey, I'm doin' pretty good for two days! Some people have been playing for weeks and they're still stuck in the sewers fighting gramsters and peelungers!

**Mello:** Whatever. It doesn't change the fact that it's stupid and childish. Right, Matt?

**Matt:** DIE, PEELUNGERS, DIE!!!

**Mello:** ...

**akuhime-chan:** Peelungers aren't even all that dangerous.

**Near:** You guys are so slow. I've already beaten the OMGWTF.

**akuhime-chan:** Anyways, to make up for the wait, here's an extra-special karaoke chapter!

_Rina Yuuki:_

_Hello again! I don't want to sound like a stalker but I love your story and can't wait for the next chapter! I want to request a song! DUN DUN DUN!! hee hee I think that you should have mello sing 'fat' by weird al! ANYWAY- make sure to give Ryuk and apple, L a big icecream cake, Mello a REALLY big chocolat bar, and Near a Transformer that turns into a clompletely different /transformer (If thats even possible) Over and Out! :D_

**L, Ryuk, and Mello:** YAAAAAAAAAAY!!

**Near:** Why does Bumblebee turn into a Rolls Royce?

**akuhime-chan:** Don't question the reviewers. Just play with your robot.

_Duke Servos master of time:_

_hi there! please have L sing if you were gay to light and give him a life time supply of cake if he does!XD_

**akuhime-chan:** Well? Which is it?

**L:** If I have to choose between my dignity and cake, I choose cake.

**akuhime-chan:** That's the spirit! Pride goeth before the fall, so fall while you're ahead!

**Ulquiorra:** That made no sense...

_i. hate. u. all.:_

_Dude i luved it when you killed Light do it again!:).Oh and i think that you should make Ulquiorra sing the Emo song (think that's what it's called.) Gives L cake :)...forgot to ask could you be nice to the emo a little :(_

**akuhime-chan:** Sorry, had to put spaces in your name so it would show.

**Near:** akuhime-chan will not be nice to Ulquiorra so I will.

**akuhime-chan:** I don't even know why I'm being so mean. I love Ulqui-chan!

**L:** It's the name. "Evil Princess." It gives you authority to make our lives miserable.

**akuhime-chan:** AGAIN with the cookies?! I thought we discussed this!

_kurengo-san:_

_I meant L gets 6453189563498546`320956`87695`091 cakes Mello gets 34785438 9 pouds chocolate bars and make orihime have sex whit ulquiora and grimjow and have them both fight over it and I would like ulqui to get 3 gory beatings and I also would love light ding a painful way_

**akuhime-chan: **Uhh, let's keep it PG-13, shall we?

**Ulquiorra:** But I'm still gonna get beat, aren't I?

**akuhime-chan: **Yup! -pulls a metal baseball bat out of thin air-

**Ulquiorra:** AAAAAAH!!

**L:** Shouldn't we help him?

**Mello:** Nah. Lets just sit and watch what happens.

-go back to eating their cake and chocolate-

_Naito Kanpeki:_

_... Yeah, I must say, out of all the stories I've read that amused me so much, I would say this is in the top ten.. If not, it's in the top twenty... This story makes me laugh, I find it rather comical... And I can decipher kurengo-san's writing... I've dealt with worse, trust me... Anyways, yes, awesome story, by the way, I say kill Light again with your Death note. -_- -Tosses Ryuk an apple- You deserve more attention my friend, so I'll give you an apple. -Gives L a nicely sized cake- There you are, L. -Gives Mello all kinds of Choclate- Have fun eating it... -Tosses a video game to Matt- And that's all. -Winks- Good luck with this story. One more thing. -Waves a gay pride flag- Yaoi is amazing, people better not diss it. D_

**akuhime-chan:** Such manners! Say "thank you" to the nice reviewer, kids!

**Ryuk, L, Mello, and Matt:** Thank you!

**akuhime-chan:** Yeah, and if anyone disses Yaoi, I'll send Ikkaku over to kill your ass.

**Ikkaku:** You wait until now to include me?!

**akuhime-chan:** Sorry, I forgot.

**Ulquiorra:** I think Yaoi is for perverts.

**akuhime-chan:** WHAT?!! I thought you were bi!!

**Ulquiorra:** I am. But I still think it's gross.

**akuhime-chan:** Oh, jeez. Ikkaku?

**Ikkaku:** Yes, ma'am.

**Ulquiorra:** I really need to keep my mouth shut, don't I?

_govener fink:_

_I can be your god! I can translte it._

_you are totally awesome this is going to favorites L can havfe my stach of sugar candy ehich is mountain top to heavens L rocks and I kinda like ulwuiora whens hes being beat like thye ass hole he is make orihime do gigitty whit ichigo then grim and then WTF why you fuck us both hilarious I wanna see kira dead again that means light itsa pure awesomeness_

_You are totally awesome this is going to favorites L can have my stash of sugar candy which is mountain top to heavens, L rocks and I kinda like Ulquiorra when hes being beat like the ass hole he is make Orohime get giggy with Ichigo then Grimmjow and then What the f.u.c.k why you f.u.c.k us both hilarious. I wanna see Kira dead again that means light is pure  
awesomeness..._

_That was fun! Anyhoo! Technically my friends say I'm married to Grimmjow,which is awesome because he kicks ass and he's very beautiful Aka: I want him to sing Believe by Cher. I want to give Ryuk and huge apple tree Mellow gets 5,0 rum chocolates L gets a huge hug (and cake) Ulquiorra gets a frickin ginamoris hug Matt gets a Wii with combat games and everyone else gets a lot of hugs as well. ( :_

**akuhime-chan:** Sorry, kurengo-san beat you to it. And besides, that's technically not translation, that's just fixing the spelling and grammar.

**Grimmjow:** Woohoo! I'm HOTT!!

**Ryuk:** Woohoo! Apple tree!!

**Mello:** Woohoo! Chocolate!!

**L:** Woohoo! Cake!!

**Matt:** Woohoo! A Wii!!

**akuhime-chan:** Woohoo! I got a hug!!

_Night of Red:_

_One of the funniest stories i have read! Hands akuhime-chan a huge chocolate cake. Um... oh! Chalenge. Byakuya needs to be added, everyone gets drunk and they all play 7 min in heaven where anyone can get anyone else. Do this or the gremlins will eat all of mello's chocolate!!_

**akuhime-chan:** Good idea! We'll do that next chapter! -notices L and Mello staring- I'm gonna eat this in the bathroom...

**Mello:** Noooooooooooooooo! No one's gonna eat _my_ chocolate!

**Byakuya:** Hello...

**L:** What's with all the _Death Note_ characters? We need more _Bleach_ characters like Byakuya!

_Bleach Girl:_

_Karaoke :D? Oo Oo I wanna pick!_

_I want Ulquiorra to sing "Barbie Girl" by Aqua in the most peppiest voice he could muster!_

_-fangirl squeals- KYAA!_

_-gives moar chocolate and Ice Cream chocolate cake to L and some broccoli to Mello- ... -glares_

**akuhime-chan:** I expected someone to request this song, but I kinda thought Light would sing it...

**Light:** You perv...

**L:** My dentist is gonna be rich...

**Mello:** Why do I get broccoli?!

**Near:** So you'll grow muscles and people won't call you a girl anymore.

**Mello:** OH! Okay! -chomp- Eeeeeeeeeeew, nasty!

**akuhime-chan:** Hey, I like broccoli!

_Emolette Gothika:_

_LOL. . . love your crazy randomness. you remind me alot of myself^^_

**Ulquiorra: **Yay! thank you! Hueco Mundo! here I come! -grabs rope ladder-  
_  
*sputtering noise comes from helicopter. . . then copter pops out of existence*_

**Ulquiorra:**WTF?! NO!  
_  
*ulqui falls to the ground*_

_*gives L-kun a nice and simple devil's food cake* Here ya go L-kun, Love ya lots *kissy*_

_and you're bashing on my poor Ulqui-kun! Ulqui-kun! I'll save you! *sends a helicopter to save Ulquiorra*_

_Ouch. . . gotta hurt. . . *gives ulqui-kun healing kiss- Anyhoo. . . i want some UlquiIchi! the only pairings i luv from Bleach. . . UlquixIchi, GrimxIchi, HichixIchi, UlquixGrimxUlqui. . . Yah!_

_Challenge: . . . try a gender-bending chappie. . . i've always wanted to see Ulqui and L as a girl and Orihime as a guy. . . LOL!_

**akuhime-chan:** Next chapter's booked, but we'll do that chapter after next! And I also love those pairings!! But I don't want a repeat of the HitsuRuki/HitsuHina incident, so if anyone else wants UlquiIchi, I'd be happy to give it to you!

**Ulquiorra:** I completely forgot that there is no Hueco Mundo anymore cuz Orihime blew it up.

**Orihime:** Heehee, sorry.

**Grimmjow:** Aww, you're so cute when you laugh like that.

**Ulquiorra:** Hey, don't hit on her!

**Grimmjow:** I'll hit on her if I want to! -proceeds to beat Ulquiorra to a bloody pulp-

**akuhime-chan: **And now on to the karaoke!

* * *

**"Fat"**

**Mello: **Your butt is wide, well mine is too  
Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you  
The word is out, better treat me right  
'Cause I'm the king of cellulite  
Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right

My zippers bust, my buckles break  
I'm too much man for you to take  
The pavement cracks when I fall down  
I've got more chins than Chinatown

Well, I've never used a phone booth  
And I've never seen my toes  
When I'm goin' to the movies  
I take up seven rows

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
Don't you call me pudgy, portly or stout  
Just now tell me once again who's fat

When I walk out to get my mail  
It measures on the Richter scale  
Down at the beach I'm a lucky man  
I'm the only one who gets a tan  
If I have one more pie a la mode  
I'm gonna need my own zip code

When you're only having seconds  
I'm having twenty-thirds  
When I go to get my shoes shined  
I gotta take their word

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it you know  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds  
Lemme tell you once again who's fat

If you see me comin' your way  
Better give me plenty space  
If I tell you that I'm hungry  
Then won't you feed my face

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house  
I really sit around the house

You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know it  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
You know, you know, you know, come on  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
And you know all by myself I'm a crowd  
Lemme tell you once again

You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
You know I'm fat, you know, hoo  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know  
(Fat, fat, really really fat)  
And the whole world knows I'm fat and I'm proud  
Just tell me once again who's fat

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** HAHAHAHAHA DO IT AGAIN!!!

**Mello:** Don't we have to do the next one?

**akuhime-chan:** Oh yeah! Guys, your turn!

* * *

**"If You Were Gay"**

**Light: **Aah, an afternoon alone with My favorite book, "Broadway Musicals of the 1940s." No roommate to bother me. How could it get any better than this?

**L: **Oh,hi Light!

**Light: **Hi L.

**L:**Hey Light, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning. This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

**Light: **That's very interesting.

**L: **He was being real friendly, and I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay!

**Light: **Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?

**L: **Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Light...

**Light: **I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read.

**L: **Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Light. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

**Light:**I don't want to talk about it,L! This conversation is over!!!

**L: **Yeah, but...

**Light: **OVER!!!

**L:**Well, okay, but just so you know —  
IF YOU WERE GAY  
THAT'D BE OKAY.  
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,  
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.  
BECAUSE YOU SEE,  
IF IT WERE ME,  
I WOULD FEEL FREE  
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY  
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

**Light: **L, please! I am trying to read.... What?!

**L: **IF YOU WERE QUEER

**Light: **Ah, L!

**L: **I'D STILL BE HERE,

**Light: **L, I'm trying to read this book.

**L: **YEAR AFTER YEAR

**Light: **L!

**L: **BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR  
TO ME,

**Light: **Argh!

**L: **AND I KNOW THAT YOU

**Light: **What?

**L: **WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,

**Light: **I would?

**L: **IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,  
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,  
I'M GAY!"  
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)  
I'M HAPPY  
JUST BEING WITH YOU.

**Light: **High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...

**L: **SO WHAT SHOULD IT  
MATTER TO ME  
WHAT YOU DO IN BED  
WITH GUYS?

**Light: **L, that's GROSS!

**L: **No it's not!  
IF YOU WERE GAY  
I'D SHOUT HOORAY!

**Light: **I am not listening!

**L: **AND HERE I'D STAY,

**Light: **La la la la la!

**L: **BUT I WOULDN'T GET  
IN YOUR WAY.

**Light: **Aaaah!

**L: **YOU CAN COUNT ON ME  
TO ALWAYS BE  
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,  
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,  
YOU WERE JUST BORN  
THAT WAY,  
AND, AS THEY SAY,  
IT'S IN YOUR DNA,  
YOU'RE GAY!

**Light: **BUT I'M NOT GAY!

**L: **If you were gay.

**Light: **Argh!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** My apologies to anyone who was offended by that, L fans, and poor, poor Light-kun.

**Light:** Kill me now...

* * *

**"The Emo Song"**

**Ulquiorra: **Dear Diary:

Mood: Apathetic.

My life is spiraling downward.  
I couldn't get enough money to go to the  
Blood Red Romance and Suffocate me dry concert.  
It sucks 'cause they play some of my favorite songs  
like "Stab My Heart Because I Love You" and  
"Rip Apart My Soul" and of course,  
"Stabby Rip Stab Stab".  
And it doesn't help that I couldn't  
get my hair to do that flippy thing either.  
Like that guy from that band can do.  
Some days ugh...

I'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be  
You'd be non-conforming too if  
you looked just like me  
I have paint on my nails and make-up on my face  
I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs  
'Cause I feel real deep when I'm dressing in drag  
I call it freedom of expression,  
most just call me a fag  
'Cause our dudes look like chicks,  
and our chicks look like dykes  
'Cause emo is one step below transvestite!

Stop my breathing and slit my throat  
I must be emo  
I don't jump around when I go to shows  
I must be emo

I'm dark, and sensitive with low self-esteem  
The way I dress makes every day feel like Halloween  
I have no real problems but I like to make believe  
I stole my sister's mascara now  
I'm grounded for a week.  
Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies  
I can't get through a Hawthorne  
Heights album without sobbing  
Girls keep breaking up with me,  
it's never any fun.  
They say they already have a pussy,  
they don't need another one

Stop my breathing and slit my throat  
I must be emo  
I don't jump around when I go to shows  
I must be emo  
Dye in my hair and polish on my toes  
I must be emo  
I play guitar and write suicide notes  
I must be emo

My life is just a black abyss,  
you know, it's so dark.  
And it's suffocating me.  
Grabbing hold of me and tightening it's grip,  
tighter than a pair of  
my little sister's jeans...  
which look great on me by the way.

When I get depressed I cut my  
wrists in every direction  
Hearing songs about getting  
dumped give me an erection  
I write in a live journal and  
wear thick rimmed glasses  
I tell my friends I bleed black  
and cry during classes  
I'm just a bad, cheap, imitation of goth,  
You can read me "Catcher in the  
Rye", and watch me jack off.  
I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life  
If I said I like girls, I'd only be half right!

I look like I'm dead and dress like a homo  
I must be emo  
Screw XBox, I play old school Nintendo  
I must be emo  
I like to whine and hate my parentals  
I must be emo  
Me and my friends all look like clones  
I must be emo

My parents just don't get me, you know.  
They think I'm gay just because  
they saw me kiss a guy.  
Well, a couple guys. But I mean, it's the 2000's.  
Can't 2 ... or 4 dudes make-out with  
each other without being gay?  
I mean, chicks dig that kind of thing anyways.  
I don't know diary,  
sometimes I think you're the only one that gets me,  
you're my best friend...  
I feel like tacos...

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Once again, sorry to any one who found that offensive.

**Ulquiorra:** O.O That song was so accurate...

**akuhime-chan:** Well, don't get all whiny, cuz you gotta sing another one.

* * *

**"Barbie Girl"**

**Ulquiorra:**I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly  
You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,  
kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky...  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"

(uu-oooh-u)

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again,  
hit the town, fool around, let's go party  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"

Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** I love this song, cuz we all know Barbie is a slut.

**Grimmjow:** My turn!

* * *

**"Believe"**

**Grimmjow: **No matter how hard I try  
You keep pushing me aside  
And I can't break through  
There's no talking to you  
It's so sad that you're leaving  
It takes time to believe it  
But after all is said and done  
You're gonna be the lonely one

Do you believe in life after love  
I can feel something inside me say  
I really don't think you're strong enough  
Do you believe in life after love  
I can feel something inside me say  
I really don't think you're strong enough

What am I supposed to do  
Sit around and wait for you  
Well I can't do that  
And there's no turning back  
I need time to move on  
I need a love to feel strong  
'Cause I've got time to think it through  
And maybe I'm too good for you

Do you believe in life after love  
I can feel something inside me say  
I really don't think you're strong enough  
Do you believe in life after love  
I can feel something inside me say  
I really don't think you're strong enough

Well I know that I'll get through this  
'Cause I know that I am strong  
I don't need you anymore  
I don't need you anymore  
I don't need you anymore  
No I don't need you anymore

Do you believe in life after love  
I can feel something inside me say  
I really don't think you're strong enough  
Do you believe in life after love  
I can feel something inside me say  
I really don't think you're strong enough  
Do you believe in life after love  
I can feel something inside me say  
I really don't think you're strong enough  
Do you believe in life after love  
I can feel something inside me say  
I really don't think you're strong enough

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Phew! Long chapter! Oh well. Here are the poll results!

**_Should Ulquiorra regain his memories as L?_**

**_1) No. 0_**

**_2) Yes, and he should take revenge on Light. 6_**

**_3) Yes, but he should just leave it alone. 1_**

**akuhime-chan:** Oops! Almost forgot! -writes Light's name into Death Note-

**Light:** AAAUGH! -dies-

**akuhime-chan:** -erases Light's name with Death Eraser-

**Light:** STOP DOING THAT!!

**akuhime-chan:** What? This? -writes in Death Note-

**Light:** GAAAAH!! -dies-

**akuhime-chan:** Heehee this is fun. :3

**Matt:** So yeah, read, review, vote, whatever.


	11. birthdays, gremlins, and Kankuro

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Hello and welcome to another exciting chapter of _Heated Debate!_ Guess what today is!

**Mello:** My birthday!!

**akuhime-chan:** Today Mello will be given a ton of chocolate as a present!

**Ulquiorra:** Come on, we're working in a limited computer time allowance here! Get to the reviews already!

_kurengo-san:_

_add ichigo needs ichigo as crack addict_

**akuhime-chan:** How about I meet you halfway and add Ichigo without him being a crackhead?

**Ichigo:** Why would you want me as a crackhead?

**akuhime-chan:** 'Cuz it makes for a good plot.

**L:** Unfortunately, akuhime-chan has no talent for sex scenes or drug abuse, so you won't find your crackhead Ichigo here.

_xxVizard-Rukiaxx:_

_I'M BACK!_

_Did ja miss meh? Don't awnser that because we all know you did._

_Wow.. I'm so proud of you guys. You have more reviews then I do on my story.. Gah!_

_Anyway, our right.. you need more bleach characters, and scense I am appearantly the Vizard fan (LOOK AT THE PEN-NAME) I will give you an new Bleach character in this to screw with!_

_I will now perform a magic trick, I WIL MAKE A BLEACH CHARACTER APPEAR!_

_"ALAKA-BOOM!"_

_Hm.. That was a falure.. I'll try again later.. haha.._

_Great Job on the Fanfic so far! Though.. Why is it called heated debate? You guys don't really debate on much.. *sigh*_

_Well, along with the character, I give you guys: THE WORLDS BIGGEST APPLE, An Xbox 360 with Bleach: Shattered Blade (ALL of them), A giant box of chocolate, a Oreo Cake (Those are awesome!) and an iSword! Byakuya, You get nothing because your new. You guys can decide who gets what.. haha.. That should be entertaining._

_Seeya Later guys, don't dissapoint._

_(P.S. I wonder what the world record is for the longest review..)_

**akuhime-chan:** Aww, of course we missed you! Too bad it failed, though...

**L:** It's called _Heated Debate!_ because akuhime-chan is bad at making up names too. And now to claim my--

**akuhime-chan:** Hm?

**L:** Why are you eating my cake?

**akuhime-chan:** 'Cuz...I'm special?

**Ikkaku:** I'll be taking that iSword, if you don't mind.

**Ryuk:** I get the apple!

**Light:** Oh, no...

**Mello:** CHOCOLATE!!!

**L:** I'll take that.

**Mello:** NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

**Matt: **And I get the Xbox!

_Bleach Girl:_

_.laughs like crazy and points at Ulquiorra while holding my stomach. Oh poor Ulqui!_

_A question for the authoress! Do you have a Bleachasylum account?_

_-to the yaoi part-_

_..._

_Don't come to my house kill me o.O_

_My Real Life friends think I'm a crazed Otaku for Ulquiorra and Grimmjow because all the computers in my house have a background with either of the two. Plus, they get so annoyed when I say I was the one who conducted UlquiHimeGrimm's wedding :D_

**akuhime-chan:** No, I do not.

**Ulquiorra:** I think we got a stalker.

**Grimmjow:** Yeah...

**Orihime:** I'm married?

_Ulquiorra:_

_Sorry if you've mistaken me as "Ulquiorra" from Bleach. In fact, I like him so I used him as my allias to hide my real account in fanfiction websites._

_I liked the fact that you have include the "emo song" for Ulquiorra. It is interesting._

_It seems to be a crack, huh? Hilarious indeed, somehow. Don't get me wrong, great job there._

_Lastly, is it possible for you to include Hollow Ichigo in it? I will see more about him and not just,_

**Shirosaki:** Hello...

_Your sincerely, Ulquiorra_

_(P.S: Feel like I'm writing a letter...)_

**akuhime-chan:** It's okay! Sometimes I feel like I'm reading a letter!

**L:** We will include him, but since Hollow Ichigo is too long to write, Hichigo is too unimaginative, and Ogichi is just plain dumb, we will call him Shiro.

**akuhime-chan:** And about Byakuya, he was getting in the way so I locked him in the closet. Speaking of which, I think we should let him out now.

**Byakuya:** -falls out of the closet- Y-You witch...how dare...

**Ikkaku:** Get a move on! We need to use this closet later!

**Ichigo:** GAH!!! What is _he_ doing here?!

**Shiro:** What? You look like you've seen a ghost.

**Ichigo:** Shut up! That's not funny!

**Byakuya:** Worthless brats...

_Night of Red:_

_Still Awsome!_

_Mello.. you need to hide and fast because some of my fan girl friends are comming via the magical portal of the gremlins to steal you and Matt. You don't whan to know what will happen to you. Tiz very bad._

_Ryuk... here is a truck load of apples from Tornado. And Byakuya is going to be attacked by killer squirls in 3 seconds._

_Love ya Renji!_

**Mello:** I'll keep my eyes open.

**Near:** No one wants to steal me...

**Ryuk:** Yay! More apples!

**Byakuya:** No! Bad squirrels! No--OW!!! That does it! _Bankai! Senbonsakura Kageyoshi!!!_

**squirrels:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo...

_Emolette Gothika:_

_two things:_

_1. kill Light for me (die and live bastard! die and live!) (he should change his last name to Imagay)_

_2. Mello, meet Hiruka Shinji. You two could be long lost brothers of something. . . or Shinji could be your ancestor Mello. You guys look so alike!_

_ROFLMAO!_

**akuhime-chan:** I think he's his ancestor, 'cuz Shinji's, like, 200 years old or something.

**Shinji:** And yet I'm still young and beautiful.

**Shiro:** Now define "beautiful."

**Mello:** Creepy...

**akuhime-chan:** Oh, yes-one last thing. -writes Light's name in the Death Note- Huh? It didn't work...

**Light:** Of course not! You wrote my name as "Light Yagami!" Well, I've just legally changed it to "Light Imagay!"

**akuhime-chan:** Thanks for telling me! -writes Light's new name in the Death Note-

**Light:** GAAAAAAH!!! -dies-

**akuhime-chan: **Ichigo, the Death Eraser?

**Ichigo:** Here you are, milady.

**akuhime-chan:** Thank you. -erases-

**Light:** -comes back to life- Ugh... So now I get killed _and_ I have an embarassing name?

**L:** Yeah, pretty much.

* * *

**akuhime-chan: **And now it's time for Seven Minutes in Heaven! First up, Grimm-kun, Ulqui-chan, and Orihime!

**Ulquiorra:** Why all three of us?

**akuhime-chan:** 'Cuz we don't want to disappoint anyone. Now get in there!

-seven minutes later-

**Orihime:** Well, this is embarassing.

**akuhime-chan:** Why? What happened?

**Orihime:** You see, it was too dark, and we couldn't really tell who was who, so...

**Grimmjow:** AAAAAAGH!!! You freak!! What do you think you're doing to me?!!

**Ulquiorra:** Oh, shut up. Quit acting like it's such a big deal.

**Grimmjow:** It is a big deal! My kisses are reserved for Orihime, not for you!!

**akuhime-chan:** Kisses? Looks more like you were trying to suck his face off.

**Grimmjow:** I AM NOT GAY!!!

**akuhime-chan:** So he says...

**Grimmjow:** Ulquiorra Scheiffer, I challenge you to a fight!! -holds up a challenge letter-

**Ulquiorra:** Uh... Huh?

**Grimmjow:** I will defeat you nya!!

**L:** This is turning into an episode of _Muteki Kanban Musume_. (aka Ramen Fighter Miki, or Noodle Fighter Miki. Awesome series, but not very popular. Which is a real shame, too.)

**akuhime-chan:** -sigh- Very well then. I suppose the only thing that can make Kankuro (aka Grimmjow) slow down is--**_Onimaru Style Burial Technique!! Fist King Crushing Palm!!!_**

**Grimmjow:** GUAAAH!! -gets knocked out-

**L:** You used your knee even though you said "palm?"

**akuhime-chan:** How naive.

**Shiro:** Our turn! -drags Ichigo into closet-

**Byakuya:** Gross...

**Shinji:** I'm pretty sure that counts as masturbation on some level...

**akuhime-chan:** No change in the polls... -sigh-

**Matt:** So read, review, vote, and--HEY!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO MELLO?!!! WHA--PUT ME DOWN!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!


	12. clones, M&Ms, and hot guys in skirts

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Hi, it's me again!

**audience:** -collective groan-

**akuhime-chan:** Hey, don't be like that! I bring presents...and the genderbending chappie!

**audience:** YAAAAAAY!!

**akuhime-chan:** Unfortunately, for those of you that were hoping to see L as an actual _girl_, you're out of luck. I like to keep my characters as _in character_ as possible, and that's kinda hard to do when L is more interested in boys and shopping than detective work (sorry for the stereotypical view, but you can throw rocks at me in your reviews if you want).

**L:** So instead of making me a girl, she just put me in this dress. -tugs the skirt down- It's a little too short.

**Ulquiorra:** You're not the only one who has to wear one, you know.

**Orihime:** I don't see why I have to crossdress too. There's not much fanservice in a girl wearing pants you know. Some girls wear them every day.

**akuhime-chan:** It's just to be fair.

**Near:** But why are you and Mello the only ones who don't have to change?

**akuhime-chan:** 'Cuz I'm the author and therefore I have immunity. Plus, Mello's a crossdresser anyways.

**Mello:** Am not!

**Near:** That doesn't explain why I have to wear an ugly black dress!

**akuhime-chan:** I'm sick of seeing you wear those white pajamas every day, that's why!

**Shinji: **But I'm in schoolgirl cosplay!

_Night of Red:_

_No one likes near. No one ever will. I told matt and mello to run but did they listen to me? No. At least i can visit them in my friends closet. The gremlins have decided to put a spell on byakuya so that he will jump the first guy he sees there for loosing all of his dignity. Still loving renji._

**akuhime-chan:** Not true. I like Near, just not as much as I like L-san or Grimm-kun.

**Grimmjow:** If you like me so much, don't make me wear this stupid princess dress!

**L:** Yes, I think we would all like to be spared that horrible image...

**akuhime-chan:** Says you! Oh, and by the way, those were clones. Matt and Mello are right here. Say hi, ladies!

**Matt:** Hi, everyone! It's Matt and Mello! Also known as...

**Mello:** Wha--Matt, don't you dare!

**Matt:** ...the M&Ms!

**Mello:** Oh god, kill me now...

**Light:** I'd be happy to!

**akuhime-chan:** -punches Light in his gorgeous face (yes, I'm a Light otaku too)-

**Matt:** But it's true! See, Mello's full of chocolate!

**Mello:** AND YOU'RE NUTS!!! -punches Matt in the nose-

**L:** No, you got it backwards! The red one is chocolate and the yellow one is nuts!!

**Matt:** Aw, now I've got blood on my dress. (sorry couldn't help myself)

_Rina Yuuki:_

_Oh my god. I could not stop laughing at the last part! That was just too funny! Wow... why was I here again...? Oh yeah! I remember now! -punches Light in the face- That's why! hah! silly me and my forgetfulness. I hereby grant Ryuk a wish that whenever he wants an apple one will appear in front of him to be devoured! Same goes to Mello except it won't work on Tuesdays. Take that cross-dresser! well, that was fun! Hm give Ikkaku a hug from me! (remember what I told you!) Over and Out!  
P.S. L gets cake! (a really big eight tier cake!)_

**akuhime-chan:** No I'm sorry I don't remember.

**Ikkaku:** I would appreciate the hug more if I wasn't wearing this stupid thing.

**akuhime:** Yeah, you look like a total freak. Here, put on this wig!

**Byakuya:** Sorry I'm late. I had trouble with the zipper...

**Shiro:** 'Bout time you showed up.

**Byakuya:** -pounces on Shiro-

**Shiro:** GAH!!! GET OFF ME! I'M ONLY GAY WITH ICHIGO!!!

**Ichigo:** I told you not to pick the gothic loli dress, but you're the one who wanted to see me in white, perv.

**Shiro:** -kicks Byakuya in the stomach- Sorry, we only got the two. -glares at author-

**akuhime-chan:** What? They seemed appropriate at the time.

**Ichigo: **How is _this_ appropriate in any way?!

**L:** CAKE!!!

_Bleach Girl:_

_Don't worry, i'm a good stalker :D_

_This chapter was really funny :D_

_May we have a chapter where all the characters cosplay? It'll be funny if Ulqui cosplayed as L and vice versa XD_

**akuhime-chan:** Hahaha that would be funny!

**Grimmjow:** You people enjoy my pain, don't you?

**akuhime-chan:** Yup.

**Orihime:** That's so mean...

**Grimmjow:** Aww, you're so cute when you're worried.

**Ulquiorra:** Hey, hands off, cat boy!

**Near:** You tell 'im, Ulqui!

**Shinji:** I wouldn't get involved in this if I were you, kid...

_ink-pen33:_

_WEO!! I JUST HAD A WHOLE BUNCH OF LIME SHERBERT! I FEEL LIKE DOING SOMETHING UNIMAGINABLY EVIL..._

_OH, AND ULQUIORRA, I LOVE YOU! NOT ALOT OF OTHERS THOUGH, JUST ME AND HIKARI CHAN. IM HOSHI! YO!_

_OH, AND INOUE, U DO NOT BELONG WITH ULQUIORRA! HE IS A SAD THINGY!_

_*GIVES HUGGLES TO ULQUIORRA KUN*_

**akuhime-chan:** Someone's bipolar...

**Ulquiorra:** I don't know whether to be flattered, offended, or terrified.

**Grimmjow:** Who cares? The point is, Orihime belongs with me! The reviewer says so!

**Ulquiorra:** ... -punches Grimmjow in the gut-

**akuhime-chan:** Next chapter is the last chance for anyone who wants HitsuRuki. After that, I'm revealing the mystery pairing and it will officially become HitsuHina and RenRuki.

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** For anyone who wants to see the boys' dresses, here are the pics that gave me the inspiration (minus the spaces) sorry none for Shiro, Ichigo, or Shinji:

_**L and Light-** http: // go -devil -dante. deviantart. com/art/Death-Note-sailor-scouts-15084006_

_**Matt and Near-** http: // blackfruitbat. deviantart .com/art/Death-Ruffles-98776026_

_**Grimmjow-** http: // fiskit. deviantart .com/art/Grimmderella-106143278_

_**Ulquiorra-** http: // payroo. deviantart .com/art/Grimm-Crossdressing-Ulqui-59215715_

_**Byakuya-** http: // xxxrenoxxx. deviantart .com/art/Don-t-Cha-Think-92751120_

_**Ikkaku-** http: // viittaperkele. deviantart .com/art/Madame-Ikkaku-49066077_

**akuhime-chan:** O_O That last one was scary...

**Ikkaku:** Why did you show it then?!

**Mello:** Here are the poll results!

**_Should Ulquiorra regain his memories as L?_**

**_1) No. 0_**

**_2) Yes, and he should take revenge on Light. 6_**

**_3) Yes, but he should just leave it alone. 1_**

**L: **Can we change now?

**akuhime-chan:** No. I wanna look at your hotness for a while longer. -drools-

**Matt: **So vote, review, and don't forget to read _Eternal Night_! Also, kurengo-san, please don't eat the authoress...


	13. presents, orphans, and, wait, presents?

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Welcome to another fun-filled, action-packed chapter of _Heated Debate!_ If you're wondering what took me so long to update, just remember what the holiday season is all about.

**L: **Cake!!!

**Mello:** Chocolate!!!

**Near:** Toys!!!

**Orihime:** Family!!!

-a record which is playing holiday music in the background stops abruptly-

**L, Mello, Near, and Matt:** -burst into tears-

**Orihime:** What? What did I say?

**Light:** You're not from _Death Note_, so you wouldn't know, but those four are orphans.

**Orihime:** Oh no, I'm so sorry! Hey, wait! I'm an orphan, too! -bursts into tears-

**akuhime-chan:** I wasn't really doing anything with my family anyways. I just got some DVDs, CDs, video games, and a whole bunch of money.

**Ulquiorra:** Grimmjow, go cheer her up. I'm not exacly the best person for the job.

_kurengo-san:_

_akuhime ima eat L not you but anyway chomps on mello you wont be hearing from him anytime soon hahahahahahahaheres a new character intro Rangiku the one evyone drools on keep up the good work and as always candy for L its double fudge chocolate matt gets xbox360 ryuk an apple tree ichigo gets nothing its funny whens hes mad also write Light imagay name in deathnote and beat ulqui chan whit a machete please bwahahaha_

**akuhime-chan:** Well, I'm happy that I won't end up in your belly, but L doesn't belong there either.

**L:** If you don't want me to get eaten, then hurry up and write the next chapter of _Eternal Night_! That's what started this in the first place!

**akuhime-chan:** All right, all right.

**_*POOF*_**

**Rangiku:**Hello everyone!

**akuhime-chan:** GAAAAH! It's the crazy blond woman! Keep her away from me!!

**Byakuya:** Rangiku, get back in your cage.

**Light:** So my Christmas present is death?

**akuhime-chan:** Think of it as a round-trip ticket to the afterlife. -writes Light Imagay (remember he changed his name) in the Death Note-

**Light:** UUUGH!! -falls over and dies-

**akuhime-chan: **And now for the eraser...uh-oh, it's almost out...

**Ulquiorra:** Sorry, I used it to try and bring Aizen back...it didn't work, though.

**akuhime-chan:** I am gonna kill you... -pulls a machete out of nowhere-

_Night of Red:_

_ARGH! Fuck Hana Montana. Just fuck Disney Chanel in general. Oh... sorry. I just so angry today. *finds light and procedes to beat him to a bloody pulp* That's better.  
LOL this story is so funny. Those pictures. HAHA Keep up the good work and happy holidays. *Hands everyone huge present* YAY-ness_

**akuhime-chan:** I agree! I hate Disney Channel! Though they do show a good movie occasionally...

**L:** Such as...?

**akuhime-chan:** I can't think of one right now, but _High School Musical_ made me wanna gouge my eyes out with a spoon.

**Ulquiorra:** There are a lot of things that make me want to do that, but my eye is removable... Damn it...

**akuhime-chan:** And whoever drew those pics should make an anime. A really hot anime...

**Light:** I would rather die again.

**akuhime-chan:** So how was your trip to the afterlife?

**Light:** Worst. Present. Ever.

**L:** Now you know how I feel. I died just five days after my _birthday_.

_xxVizardxxRukiaxx:_

_I'm back! With another.. Somewhat long review..!_

_Man.. Be glad if little childers didn't see those pics.. They would probably go on the 21th level of the mental scarrage cart, and appearantly Toshiro says it goes up to 10.._

_Lots of Voilence in this chapter.. YAY VOILENCE! ^o^_

_Now what did I want to say again.. Oh yeah!_

_I think HitsuRuki has gotten the recongnision on this story that it may or may not deserve.. But at least it got recongnitsion right? I think it has over stayed it''s welcome here so I leave the othe rpairings to you, my good Yaoi fan! ^^_

_Haha~ M&MS xD_

_Ah.. Well HitsuHina is fine.. Though I don't know who the hell likes RenRuki anymore.. It's all IchiRUki now.. Which I also Highly approve of.. It controls the Bleach Universe.. o.o_

_Seriously, It does.. No Joke.._

_Now I will attempt again to make a Bleach character to appear!_

_"Abra Kadabra! Zu Zu! Appear!"_

_You have won.. TOSHIRO HITSUGAYA! Though.. he probably is already appearing in this chapter, by rules of the dark order you MUST keep him, lol._

_ah.. man is awesome.._

_And for your christmas pressents..._

_You all recive THE MISTERY BOX xD_

_Seriously.. Too many names, and it's not like I know what to get a Hollow for christmas.. Haha~_

_Though.. I could always just give him an empty box and run.._

_That's the best idea I've had all day! xD_

_Merry X-Mas.. happy.. Whatever holliday you guys celebrate!_

_Happy Hollidays!_

**akuhime-chan:** YAY VIOLENCE!!!! Empty boxes for everyone!

**Shiro:** Yay! I got air! -sticks his head in the box and inhales deeply-

**Ulquiorra:** Hooray. A cardboard box to hide my ugliness... -puts box over his head-

**Grimmjow:** Woohoo! A box to keep my Playgirl--I mean, um...it's a nice box.

**Ichigo:** Well that certainly didn't go as expected.

**Shinji:** Aww, now I wanna give _my_ inner Hollow a box to play with.

**akuhime-chan:** Or you could just give it to me! Or maybe a copy of -man so I know what she's talking about... (also I'm atheist so instead of Xmas I celebrate my birthday which is around the same time. p.s. no Bible-throwing)

_Emolette Gothika:_

_hey, its me, the emo girl who's 20% goth (who says you can't be both?). thank you for doing my gender bending idea. the pics were great if not a little bit scary (-cough-ikkaku-cough-) -kun looked so hot in black leather! cake for you L-kun! and Light in pink?. . . not so much. . ._

_I WANTED TO SEE SHIRO-KUN AND ICHIGO-KUN! WAH!_

_ahem, anyway, i'm voting for the first time in my life. i vote for number two because it would be a bit more interesting. . . haha, more work for you akuhime-chan ^^_

_anyhoo. . . kill everyone for me. i dont care if you (or me for that matter) likes the guy. i just want to see everyone die. -evil laugh-_

_sayonara_

**akuhime-chan:** Hee hee hee... I like that idea... btw sorry about Ichi and Shiro, but I couldn't find anything good for them so I figured since they're practically twins they'd be wearing pretty much the same thing but in different colors.

**Light:** Of course you can be both! Almost everyone is two of something! Like, I'm 40% prep and 60% psycho!

**akuhime-chan: **And I'm 30% nerd, 60% goth, and 10% emo (used to be 80% but once you go emo you never go back).

**Rangiku:** You gotta love emos...

**akuhime-chan:** BACK IN YOUR CAGE!!!

**Ulquiorra:** So I take it you don't like emos?

**akuhime-chan:** Of course I like emos! In fact, I love emos! I just don't like Rangiku for no apparent reason.

**Ulquiorra:** I feel loved for the first time in my life...

_Malbro King:_

_Interesting. what parring would there BE?_

_??: You don't really mean that!_

_?: What? Of course I do!_

_?: No you don't! Who could possibly love a witch?_

_?: Oh, come on. You're beautiful. Besides, you've saved my life on more than one occasion. That's more than enough to make someone love you._

_?: Hmph. Strange words coming from a terrorist._

_?: Heh. You don't say?_

_This is from code geass and It's lelouch with C.C_

_akuhime-chan: Someone's bipolar..._

_That what my friends say to me... tell Grimmjow i hate him and tell Uliuqorra he's Emo but he aright with me. And Please give Mello white chocolate just to mess with him._

**akuhime-chan:** OMG, someone actually got it... Lulu and C.C. make a cute couple, even if they aren't yaoi. :3

**Grimmjow:** Psh. Join the club. -points to We Hate Grimmjow club in the corner- Go stand over there with Ichi and Ulqui.

**Ulquiorra:** At least two people in the world like me.

**Mello:** What the... wtf is _this_? Chocolate isn't _white_! This must be some kind of prank! MATT!!!

**Matt:** What is it, Mello?

**Mello:** What did you do to my chocolate!?

**Matt:** Nothing. What's wrong with it?

**Mello:** It's _white_.

**Matt:** So?

**Mello:** So? SO? I'LL SHOW YOU _SO_!!!

**akuhime-chan:** Alright, now before this gets out of hand--

-everyone in the room falls over dead-

**akuhime-chan:** Oops. Too late.

**Ryuk:** That was fun. Do it again!

**akuhime-chan:** Huh? Where've you been all this chapter?

**Ryuk:** Planting all the apple trees people have been giving me.

**akuhime-chan:** Well, as long as you're not busy, could you go to the Shinigami realm and get me another Death Eraser? Mine's running out.

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Now that everyone's alive again, here are the poll results!

**_Should Ulquiorra regain his memories as L?_**

**_1) No. 0_**

**_2) Yes, and he should take revenge on Light. 6_**

**_3) Yes, but he should just leave it alone. 1_**

**akuhime-chan:** Also, we now have too many _Bleach _characters, so if you wanna add one, add one from _Death Note_.

**Shinji:** Don't expect the author to treat them kindly, though. There are a lot of DN characters she doesn't like.

**Byakuya:** akuhime-chan, Rangiku got out of her cage again and is currently flirting with Imagay-san.

**akuhime-chan:** WHAT?!! This is why I had her put in a cage in the first place! She'll destroy the beautiful yaoi masterpeice I have created!

**Byakuya:** I'll get the tranquilizer darts.

**Matt:** So read _Eternal Night_, vote in the poll, and have a happy New Year filled with lots of joy and yaoi! Sayonara!


	14. antifans, exploding presents, and Misa

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** You guys have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I've been through these past few weeks. Semester finals, late assignments, not to mention MASSIVE writers' block.

**Mello:** And don't forget drowning in an ocean of self-loathing.

**akuhime-chan: **Yes, that too. Imma need to write _another _fanfic just to fully get my writing mojo back. _Gawd_ my life sucks...

**Ulquiorra:** I feel your pain.

**akuhime-chan:** You write fanfics?

**Ulquiorra:** No...but I hate my life.

**akuhime-chan:** Oh. Well, don't worry. I hate your life too.

**Grimmjow:** I second that.

**Light:** Third!

**Ulquiorra:** We're not even in the same series!

**Light:** No, but you look like L, so I hate you.

**L:** No one in my own series loves me...

**Orihime:** That's not true! Mello, Matt, and Near love you! Right, guys?

**Wammy boys:** Of course!!

**L: **Yeah, but they don't come in 'til after I die, so they don't count.

**akuhime-chan:** I wanna cry now...

_Naito Kanpeki:_

_-Eye twitch is still going from the pictures of everyone dressed in female clothing.- My mind was already screwed up and twisted but now even more so... Still funny though..._

_-Shrugs- Ah well. -Throws Akuhime-chan a small box- It's your present from me. It's a spare Death Note eraser for you to hide somewhere in case you need it. Also, I'm a disney channel hater too._

_-Holds up a I hate High School Musical sign.- One more word about that stupid movie and I swear to fucking god, I'll destroy every single bit of merchandise they fucking have... Then stab all the characters with one of Mr. Todd's shaving knives. -Smiles crookedly and evilly.- Violence is good._

_-Stands in the 'We hate Grimmjow club' corner.- -Snort- Anyways, you're also an atheist? That's cool. You're the second Atheist I know. -Smiles- I'm not on to judge by religion. If people are so low as to judge based on what people believe in, they're lower than the dirt on my shoes and I'd like to step on the assholes._

_Anyways, keep up the good work~!_

**akuhime-chan:** Yay! A new Death Eraser! And now, for my next act... -proceeds to write HSM actors' names in Death Note-

**Light:** Hey! You shouldn't be using that to kill innocent people!

**akuhime-chan:** Have you _seen_ High School Musical? Trust me, having anything to do with it-acting, directing, even bringing donuts to the set-is a crime in and of itself.

**Orihime:** Uh, Grimm? I think you have another anti-fan...

**Grimmjow:** -snort- Like I care.

**Near:** I think I'll join the club too...

**akuhime-chan:** Aw, don't worry Grimm-kun. I still love you!

**Grimmjow:** Uh...no thanks. -hides behind Orihime-

**Shiro:** Hah! What a wuss.

**Ichigo:** ...

**Shiro:** What?

**Ichigo:** Why aren't you in the club?

**Shiro:** Don't tell me you're jealous?

_AmeKage:_

_hello, hello, hello!  
i'm back!  
okay, please add misa-misa in. i really hate her, so it would be fun to see her annoy...  
i dunno, maybe byakuya, or ichigo, or...  
grimmjow. 0.o  
and do you think you can dress ichigo in misa's clothes? i really like her clothes, and well...  
ichigo in drag, ya' know?  
heheh.  
(btw, rock on my fellow atheist!)  
~thanx~_

**akuhime-chan:** You're welcome.

**Misa:** OMG, Light? What're you doing here?

**Light:** M-Misa?!

**Matsumoto:** Is this your girlfriend?

**Misa:** ......Light......Who is this woman?

**akuhime-chan:** Misa-chan! Hello! Don't worry about Rangiku, you know Light would never cheat on you!

**Matsumoto:** Actually, I'm waiting for someone. Speaking of which, why isn't he here yet?

**akuhime-chan:** He'll be here soon, I promise! Say, Misa, could you do me a small favor and let Ichigo borrow your clothes?

**Misa:** Excuse me?

**akuhime-chan:** It's only for today. Besides, if you do, I'll set you and Light up on an expensive month-long cruise!

**Misa:** Are you kidding?! I'd do anything to have a month alone with Light! So where is she?

**Ichigo:** She...?

**Misa: **Wait...Ichigo's a GUY?!!!

**Shiro:** Yup. I checked.

**Misa:** Sorry, it's just the name and the clothes and everything...

**akuhime-chan:** What's done is done. Now go get some of your clothes so Ichigo can wear them!

**Shiro:** Panties, too!

**akuhime-chan:** -hits Shiro over the head with a 2x4-

_Kurengo-san:_

_akuhime could you please make the story more fair like half yaoi half normal and heres a eraser it will last you 100 names as always cakes and stuff for everybody cause knowing me you know what your getting right Light and the eraser goes back to 99 haha happy new year its time to be nicer to Rangiku please and akuhime add that accomplice of light which name I cant remember she was a female who as a time faked to be kira and feel bad about not getting you a present here you guys go lights present is somewhat special its a bomb that will onliterate him bwahahahahahah as always ulquiora will ger a stripper(male) everyone else gets what their heat desires and for Rangiku I give 5 tons of sake wow my longest review ever and a final request akuhime make a third party you know add another anime to make it even better like code geass naruto etc sogning off evil kurengo out XD bwahahahahahaha_

**akuhime-chan: **Unfortunately, since this fic is a companion piece to a _Bleach_ and _Death Note_ crossover, we can only have the two series. However, next chapter, just for you, we will have C.C. from Code Geass as a guest star. Also, I have no idea who you're talking about. If you meant Misa, sorry, but you're too late.

**L:** Cake!

**Matt:** Video Games!

**Mello:** Chocolate!

**Near:** Dinosaurs!

**Misa:** A picture of Light in the shower!

**akuhime-chan:** Ooh, wanna trade? (I am lazy so everyone else gets an empty box just like last time)

**Hitsugaya:** What'd I miss?

**_BOOM_**

**Hitsugaya:** ... -turns around to leave-

**Matsumoto:** Hey, where you going? You just got back!

**Hitsugaya:** Something tells me it's no longer safe here...

**akuhime-chan:** Nonsense! It's perfectly safe here! -erases note saying "Light Imagay-dies in explosion"-

**Light:** Uggh...

**akuhime-chan:** See? He's fine!

**Misa:** Eeek! I heard something go BOOM! Is Light okay?

**L:** Yes, don't worry Misa-san.

**Misa:** Oh...no one told me the _pervert_ was here.

**akuhime-chan:** Don't call L a pervert. Our reviewers will hate us. Go bug someone.

**Misa:** Okay! -runs over to Byakuya- So you're supposed to be a Shinigami, huh? You sure don't look like one. Hey! Do you know how to _kill_ a Shinigami? I wonder if it'll work on you...?

**Byakuya:** ...Help...

**akuhime-chan:** Ikkaku, go help Byakuya.

**Ikkaku:** Why me?

**akuhime-chan:** Because if you don't, you'll never appear in this chapter and Byakuya will get killed.

**Ikkaku:** I thought that only worked for the Shinigami attached to a Death Note?

**akuhime-chan:** Dummy. Who do you think is _my_ Shinigami?

_Malbro King:_

_what wrong with white chocolate. i really love white chocolate... please keep giving mellow white chocolate until he like's it!_

**akuhime-chan:** I like white chocolate too. You just never see him eating it, so he probably doesn't know what it is.

**Ryuk:** Oh yeah! Remember what next chapter is?

**akuhime-chan:** How could I forget? Send in your song requests for the karaoke chapter! I know there's not a whole lot to 'em, but you just gotta close your eyes and pretend.

**Ryuk:** Find a really funny one! I wanna see Light acting stupid!

**akuhime-chan:** I'm sure that's something we all want to see at one time or another.

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Poll results:

**_Should Ulquiorra regain his memories as L?_**

**_1) No. 1_**

**_2) Yes, and he should take revenge on Light. 7_**

**_3) Yes, but he should just leave it alone. 0_**

**Matt:** Don't forget to vote!


	15. Jrock, Beijing, and groundedness

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** I have emerged once again from that horrible black pit we call "being grounded." Well, not so much _emerged_, per se, more like I'm poking my head out to see what's goin' on.

**L:** Nice to see you being so energetic.

**akuhime-chan:** Ooh, was that sarcasm? Compared to you, I'm a live wire.

**Orihime:** Please don't fight...

**akuhime-chan:** Anyways, for those of you who didn't get my message, I have been grounded from the computer for the past two weeks. If you wanna blame someone, blame the school board for making a website that parents can use to see if you're getting all your work in.

**Matt:** What does it matter if you get your work in or not as long as you get good grades?

**akuhime-chan:** Exactly! So what if I'm missing ten or twenty assignments? I got a 100 on the semester final! Doesn't that count for _something_?

**L:** It should.

**Light:** Isn't this the karaoke chapter? That means we have to get to the reviews fast or else this'll be ten thousand words long.

**akuhime-chan:** Oh right. I almost forgot.

_AmeKage:_

_Ahahahahaha!  
you really did it!  
misa is really annoying.  
Byakuya is your shinigami?  
he had a deathnote!!?  
don't let aizen get his hands on one of those...  
everybody's voting for #2 with your story!  
i'm really looking forward to it!_

**akuhime-chan:** Umm, about Misa...

**Rangiku:** Hey, Misa! Light's looking for you!

**Misa:** Really?! Where?!

**Shinji:** Beijing.

**Misa:** Don't worry, Light! Misa is coming! -leaves-

**Light:** Didn't she notice that I'm standing right here?

**akuhime-chan:** Okay, so I didn't want to say this with Misa in the room, but yeah, she is REALLY annoying. And dumb. But I feel sorry for her. I mean, come on. She fell in love with _Light_. He doesn't love her, and he doesn't even try to let her down gently like Ichigo does. The only reason why he keeps her around is for her eyes. Don't you think that even Misa deserves better than that?

**Light:** What are you implying?

**akuhime-chan:** Ikkaku, go bring Misa back. She can't have gotten too far.

**Byakuya:** And yes, I did own a Death Note. It was found on the outskirts of the Rukongai and sou-taicho Yamamoto entrusted it to me. I was to keep it safe from people like Aizen, but I dropped it.

**akuhime-chan:** Look on the bright side. At least I picked it up and not Aizen.

**Byakuya:** I don't know whether that's better or worse...

_Naito Kanpeki:_

_-Is so not missing Karaoke this time.- 3 But what song?... I'm currently going through my playlists and picking out the song I want the guys to sing... I'm torn between two songs. But I think the more humiliating one would definitely be Lady Marmalade from the Moulin Rouge Soundtrack. -Laughs maniacally.-_

_There's four people who sing the song. Who those four are from group, I don't care, it's you're choice. My suggestions is that you include Light. And make it all guys. -Laughs again- This shall be good. -Claps hand in anticipation-_

_-Winks- Keep up the good work with your story my dear. You're doing lovely from what I can tell._

**Light:** Hey! I should be the only one allowed to laugh maniacally!

**Ulquiorra:** I couldn't help but notice, but how exactly do you clap your "hand"?

**akuhime-chan:** Is that what they mean by "the sound of one hand clapping"?

**Ulquiorra:** I thought that that was just a joke made to confuse stupid people.

**Misa:** HEY!! Light wasn't looking for me in Beijing!

**Grimmjow:** Speak of the devil...

**Ikkaku:** I found her at the airport with one foot on an express plane to China.

**Misa:** If it's for Light, Misa would fly in the cargo hold if she had to!

**Near:** What's with the third-person?

_Emolette Gothika:_

_I HATE MISA! She looks goth, but acts like a total preppy bitch! Yet I fell in love with her room! It's like my dream room, complete with evil-looking plushies (like the franken-bunny and there was one that looked like Light as a zombie O.o)_

_My requests for the karaoke chappie... it's J-rock night! Ulqui-kun sings "What's Up People" by Maximum the Hormone (Death Note opening 2) and L-kun sings Velonica by Aqua Timez (Bleach opening 9). That'll be so cool^^_

_and since it's 2009 and I missed the x-mas chap, im giving Mello nine passes to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory (where he can swim in the chocolate river), nine video games for Matt (not yet released), nine Transformers for Near (based on the Hollywood movie), nine bakeries for L-kun (so he can eat all the pastries he wants), nine whatever-you-want for akuhime-chan (because you're such a goog girl^^), and nine kisses from Misa to Light Imagay just so it'll annoy him^^_

_P.S. Misa, if you marry Light, your last name will be Imagay also, so you might wanna rethink that love of yours... -snicker- You can blame me for that ^^_

_Keep it up_

**akuhime-chan:** Yeah, that's the thing about gothic lolitas. They look like goths, but they're really just mutated preps.

**Mello:** Woohoo! Chocolate river, here I come!

**Matt:** Didn't the kid who fell in get sucked into a tube or something?

**akuhme-chan:** I don't know... It's been years since I last saw that movie. The elevator part kinda gave me nightmares...

**L:** That was supposed to be the happy ending.

**akuhime-chan:** Yeah, but I'm scared of heights.

**Misa:** Misa Imagay...I will do the name justice!

**Shiro:** Sorry EG, it looks like she didn't hear a word you said.

**Ichigo:** Can I take these clothes off now?

**Shiro:** Wait for tonight, Ichi.

_hihihihi:_

_You should do a truth or dare thin and make Ulqui-chan make-out with Orihime in a closet.*wink* So good. CAKE!^_^_

**L:** CAKE!

**Misa:** You're gonna get fat.

**L:** No I'm not.

**Hitsugaya:** Where does he put it all?

**Shinji:** I think his brain absorbs the calories...

**akuhime-chan:** That's actually a good idea! Next chapter: TRUTH OR DARE!

_kurengo-san:_

_short chapter DX anyways good luck akuhime lol let me give you a new something something a new death note write a name and they suffer twice the pain  
then tsa gives everyone their usuals and im starting an anti misa club lol see ya wee this is my shortest review ever lol_

**akuhime-chan:** It's also the most legible...

**L:** I think it's about time we got started on karaoke, don't you?

**akuhime-chan:** Yeah, probably.

**Lady Marmalade**

**Light: **Where's all my soul sistas?  
Let me hear ya flow, sistas.

**all: **Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista  
(Uh)  
Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista

**Ulquiorra: **He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge  
Struttin' her stuff on the street  
She said "Hello, hey Joe. You wanna give it a go?" Oh

**all: **Gitcha, Gitcha yaya, dada  
(Hey, hey, hey)  
Gitcha, Gitcha yaya here  
(Here)  
Mocha, chocalata lata yaya  
(Ooh ya)  
Creole Lady Marmalade  
(What what)  
(Ooohhh)  
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir  
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi  
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

**Grimmjow: **He sat in her bouduoir while she freshened up  
That boy drank all that magnolia wine  
On her black satin sheets  
Is where he started to freak, yeah

**all: **Gitcha, Gitcha yaya, dada  
(Dada)  
Gitcha, Gitcha yaya here  
(Ooh yeah)  
Mocha, chocolata yaya  
(Yeah, yeah)  
Creole Lady Marmalade  
(Uh)

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir  
(What what what what)  
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi  
(Oooh)  
(Yeah, yeah, uh)

**Light: **You come through with the money in the garder belt  
Let em' know we got that case straight out the gate  
We independent women, some mistake us for whores  
And sayin' why spend mine, when I could spend yours?  
Disagree? Well, that's you and I'm sorry  
I'm'a keep playin' these cats out like Atari  
High heeled shoes, gettin' love from the dudes  
Four badass chicks from the Moulin Rouge  
(Uh)

**all: **Hey sistas, soul sistas  
Betta get that dough sistas

**Light: **We drink wine with diamonds in the glass by the case  
The meaning of expensive taste  
You wanna gitcha, gitcha yaya  
Mocha chocolata lata  
Creole Lady Marmalade  
One more time, come on now

**all:**Marmalade!

**Shinji: **(Ooh ooh ooh ooh)

**all: **Lady Marmalade!

**Ulquiorra: **(Ooh yeah)

**all: **Marmalade!

**Shinji: **(Oooh)  
Hey, hey, heeyyy  
(Uh uh uh uh)  
Touch of her skin feelin' silky smooth, hey  
Color of cafe au lait, alright  
Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried

**all: **More, more, more  
(Heeyyy)

**Grimmjow: **Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5

**Shinji: **(nine to five)

**Ulquiorra: **Livin' the gray flannel life

**Shinji: **But when he turns off to sleep, memories creep

**all:**More, more, more  
Gitcha, Gitcha yaya, dada  
(Da-da-da ah ah ah oh)  
Gitcha, Gitcha yaya here  
(Oh ooohhh yeah)  
Mocha chocolata yaya(oh oooh oh oh oh oh oh whoa)  
Creole Lady Marmalade  
(Heeeyyyy)  
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir  
(Ce soir)  
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi

**Ulquiorra: **(All my sistas, yeah)

**all:**Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir  
(Ce soir)  
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi  
(Oh)  
Come on

**Missy Elliot: **Shinji

**Shinji: **Moulin

**Missy Elliot: **Grimmjow

**Grimmjow: **Hey Lady Marmalade

**Missy Elliot: **Light

**Light: **Hey, Hey, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh

**Missy Elliot: **Ulquiorra

**Ulquiorra: **Oh oh oohh

**Missy Elliot: **Rotweiler baby

**Grimmjow: **Baby

**Missy Elliot: **Moulin Rouge

**Shinji: **Rouge!

**Ulquiorra:**(Dada, dada)

**Missy Elliot: **Misdemeanor here

**all:**Creole Lady Marmalade! Ooooooh yes ah!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Well, I certainly hope you like it, cuz it took me FOREVER to find it. Light as Lil Kim, Ulquiorra as Mya, Grimmjow as Pink, and Shinji as Christina. I left Missy Elliot as she was partly because I didn't think anyone else really fit the part and partly because I got lazy.

**Ulquiorra:** Can I take a break now?

**akuhime-chan:** No.

* * *

**What's Up People?**

**Ulquiorra:**

Benri benri banzai benri benri banzai  
Benri benri banzai ningen  
Benri benri banzai benri benri banzai  
Benri benri banzai ningen

Hora biribiri ikarasu ka? Biribiri ikarasu ka?  
Biribiri ikarasu ka? Ningen  
Hora biribiri ikarasu ka? Biribiri ikarasu ka?  
Biribiri ikarasu ka? Ningen

WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai  
Hanzai kienai towa ni  
WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai (Urami ni wana dare daun?)  
WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai  
Hanzai kienai towa ni  
WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai

Ikiru imi tsumaran ka? Ikiru imi tsumaran ka?  
Ikiru imi tsumaran ka? Ningen  
Ikiru imi tsumaran ka? Ikiru imi tsumaran ka?  
Ikiru imi tsumaran ka? Ningen

Hora biribiri ikarasu ka? Biribiri ikarasu ka?  
Biribiri ikarasu ka? Ningen  
Hora biribiri ikarasu ka? Biribiri ikarasu ka?  
Biribiri ikarasu ka? Ningen

WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai  
Hanzai kienai towa ni  
WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai (Urami ni wana dare daun?)  
WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai  
Hanzai kienai towa ni  
WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai

HEY HEY! Ningen sanka ai nige ningen fuan ka?  
HEY HEY! Ningen sanka ai nige ningen fuan ka?  
HEY HEY! Ningen sanka ai nige ningen fuan ka?  
HEY HEY! Ningen sanka ai nige ningen fuan ka?

HEY HEY! Ningen sanka HEY HEY! Ningen fuan kan  
HEY HEY! Ningen sanka onorera eien ningen fuan kan  
Aa ningen...

Bunmei yande fuantei  
Mirai wa sukuwaren howaito hausu  
Zensekai ni WARNING!!  
Issaigassai ni kaikaku LIFE

Benri benri banzai benri benri banzai  
Benri benri banzai ningen  
Benri benri banzai benri benri banzai  
Benri benri banzai ningen

Hora biribiri ikarasu ka? Biribiri ikarasu ka?  
Biribiri ikarasu ka? Ningen  
Hora biribiri ikarasu ka? Biribiri ikarasu ka?  
Biribiri ikarasu ka? Ningen

WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai  
Hanzai kienai towa ni  
WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai (Urami ni wana dare daun?)  
WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai  
Hanzai kienai towa ni  
WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai

HEY HEY! Ningen sanka ai nige ningen fuan ka?  
HEY HEY! Ningen sanka ai nige ningen fuan ka?  
HEY HEY! Ningen sanka ai nige ningen fuan ka?  
HEY HEY! Ningen sanka ai nige ningen fuan ka?

HEY HEY! Ningen sanka HEY HEY! Ningen fuan kan  
HEY HEY! Ningen sanka onorera eien ningen sanka wameku saga  
Henken-inken ningen funda ugokidase ore FIGHT

Teki na seisai no kiba kara  
Tenteki no sonzai wo tatsu  
Tenkeiteki na mesaki no yoku kara  
Chienji dekinai koku

Manuke boke no sensouron hibou nikenasou  
Manuke boke no sensouron hibou nikenasou  
Manuke boke no sensouron hibou nikenasou  
Manuke boke no sensouron hibou nikenasou

HEY HEY! Ningen SUCKER!! Aa ningen... ningen FUCKER!!  
HEY HEY! Ningen SUCKER!! Aa ningen... ningen FUCKER!!  
HEY HEY! Ningen SUCKER!! Aa ningen... ningen FUCKER!!  
HEY HEY! Ningen SUCKER!! Aa ningen... ningen FUCKER!!

WHAT'S UP PEOPLE?!  
WHAT'S UP PEOPLE?!  
WHAT'S UP PEOPLE?!  
WHAT'S UP PEOPLE?!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Ahh...I love metal. It helps me relax...

**L:** This is the point where I should say that that's weird, but I'm not really in a position to call anyone that...

**akuhime-chan:** L, honey?

**L:** Huh?

**akuhime-chan:** Just go sing.

**

* * *

**

Velonica  
(Japanese)

**L: **Saa setsunai no kono magira shiawase no furi wo shiteita  
Motto hashitta no iikikashita mugon de sotto tsukamiai  
Kita michi wo ichibetsu hitori wo gaman shi man suru sansan no sugu wa  
Kao ni amaru toriai no kaori  
Chiri wa tsumotte  
Hateshinai tabi no tochuu de machi no hazure ni tachiyoru tsukareta ryouashi wo  
Sotto nagedashite nekorobu to  
Kurikaesareru asai memorii  
Nando mo onaji ano yokogao nandomo onaji ano kotoba wo  
Ikiteiru dake de kanashii to omou no wa watashi dake na no kiita ano  
Niteru ni wa chuui no nai  
Utsuro ni kieru kitto mada chikara naki osanai kimi  
Minakute ii kanashimi wo mitekita kimi wa ima  
Koraenakute ii namida wo koraete sugoshiteru  
Hontou no koto dake de ikite yukeru hodo  
Bokura wa tsuyokunaisa tsuyokunakute ii ii

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** So yeah, that's pretty much it. I don't feel like posting the poll results today, so we'll just end it here.

**Matt:** Don't miss the next chapter! Truth or Dare, guest-starring C.C.! Have a great (insert time span of choice)!


	16. truths, dares, and Pizza Hut

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that I am no longer grounded! And since I've been out of commision for a whole month, we're going to celebrate an entire month's worth of events in one chapter! First up is: Matt's birthday!

**everyone: **YAAAAY! (eats cake)

**akuhime-chan:** Next we have: Groundhog Day!

**everyone:** ...

**akuhime-chan:** Ok, so there's no _real_ reason to celebrate six more weeks of winter (unless you like snow), so let's just move on to: Valentine's Day!

-everyone exchanges valentines-

**akuhime-chan: **Hooray for commercial holidays! And finally: Light's birthday!

**L:** Do we really need to celebrate _his_ birthday?

**akuhime-chan:** Stop complaining. At least you get cake.

**L:** True!

**?????:** Aren't you forgetting something?

**akuhime-chan:** L?

**L:** I'm over here.

**akuhime-chan:** Then who... AAAAAAAH!!!

**Beyond:** What's your problem?

**akuhime-chan:** What the hell are you doing here?!

**Beyond:** Isn't it obvious? It's Friday the 13th.

**akuhime-chan:** Oh, of course. I know how much you love the number 13. I prefer 8, myself.

**Beyond:** That.

**akuhime-chan:** Huh?

**Beyond: **That carefree attitude of yours is what got you grounded in the first place. If you would pay more attention to what you're _supposed_ to be doing, you wouldn't be crunching right now.

**akuhime-chan:** What's wrong with crunching? I do my best work when I'm crunching!

**L:** It's true. Every essay, short story, everything she's ever done, she did at the last minute.

**akuhime-chan:** Yeah! I even waited till now to bring in our guest star!

**C.C.: **Good afternoon.

**Beyond:** Whatever. My point is that because of your laziness, I missed an air date. So I'll be in the next chapter, too.

**akuhime-chan:** Oh, joy.

**C.C.: **Am I interrupting something?

**akuhime-chan:** No, not at all! We were just about to get started.

-everyone sits in a circle-

**akuhime-chan:** Alright, who wants to start?

**Light:** Me! Pick me!

**akuhime-chan:** O...kay...go ahead.

**Light:** L, truth or dare?

**L:** Dare.

**Light:** Are you suuuuuure you want to pick dare?

**L:** -gulp- Truth, then.

**Light:** WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?!!

**akuhime-chan:** -hits Light with a 2x4- Well, who didn't see that coming? L, your turn.

**L: **Hitsugaya-taicho, truth or dare?

**Hitsugaya:** Truth.

**L:** Do you like Rukia or Hinamori? (DUN-DUN-DUNNNN)

**Hitsugaya:** Actually I like **xxxTECHNICAL DIFFICULTIESxxx**. Hey, why is it censored?!

**akuhime-chan:** That issue was never resolved, remember?

**Hitsugaya:** Oh, yeah. Truth or dare, akuhime-chan?

**akuhime-chan:** Truth.

**Hitsugaya:** Really? I took you as more of a "dare" person.

**akuhime-chan:** Just ask me the question. And none of that "what is your real name" stuff or you'll suffer the same fate as him. -points to Light bleeding on the floor-

**Hitsugaya:** Okay, then, do you like _Bleach_ or _Death Note_ more?

**akuhime-chan:** My favorite series changes every few years. For instance, when I started writing fanfictions, I liked _Bleach _more. But now I prefer _Death Note_.

**Hitsugaya:** Because it's darker or more realistic or something like that?

**akuhime-chan:** Actually, just because it has L in it.

**L:** I feel so loved.

**akuhime-chan:** Alright, Misa. Truth or dare?

**Misa:** Dare!

**akuhime-chan:** I dare you to attack Grimmjow.

**Misa:** What kind of attack are we talking here?

**akuhime-chan:** The non-perverted kind.

**Misa:** Okay! -jumps on Grimmjow-

**Grimmjow:** OW! What do you think you're doing you little--

**akuhime-chan:** Now, Grimmy...

**Grimmjow:** What?!

**akuhime-chan:** Manners?

**Grimmjow:** Fine. Please get off me and stop pulling my gorgeous hair out, and while you're at it, would you kindly take your fingernails out of my eyes?

**Misa:** Well...alright. But only because you said "please."

**Ulquiorra:** You should've killed him. Then I'd have Orihime all to myself.

**Orihime:** Wha...?

**Grimmjow:** Hmph.

**Misa:** Truth or dare, Beyond?

**Beyond:** You mean me? Ok, um...truth.

**Misa:** Are you and L really twin brothers?

**Beyond:** I don't know. We might be. L, do you know?

**L:** Not a clue.

**Misa:** Aw, I guess we'll never know for sure.

**akuhime-chan:** It's alright, Misa. You did your best.

**Beyond:** Truth or dare, C.C.?

**C.C.:** Dare.

**Beyond:** I dare you to eat 50 pizzas in an hour.

**C.C.:** You think that I can't do it? We shall see.

-doorbell rings-

**akuhime-chan:** -goes to answer it- Hello?

**pizza guy:** I got 50 pizzas for akuhime-chan.

**akuhime-chan:** -turns to glare at Beyond- You were waiting for this to happen, weren't you?

**Beyond:** Maybe...

**akuhime-chan:** At least pay for it yourself!

**Beyond:** But princess, I don't have any money!

**C.C.:** -takes the pizzas- If you'll excuse me... -starts eating-

**akuhime-chan:** You have to start the next one, you know.

**C.C.:** -pauses in her eating- Truth or dare, Byakuya?

**Byakuya:** I refuse to partake in such childish activities.

**akuhime-chan:** Too bad. Now you automatically have to do a dare.

**C.C.:** Pay the pizza guy.

**akuhime-chan:** THANK YOU!!!

**pizza guy: **Don't forget my tip.

**Byakuya:** -grumble-

**akuhime-chan:** All right, come on, lets go!

**Byakuya:** Shut up. Near, truth or dare?

**Near:** Truth.

**Byakuya:** How old are you?

**Near:** It figures you would ask me that, since I look like a child and yet have white hair. But Hitsugaya-taicho is the same way, so--

**akuhime-chan:** Near! Just answer the question! Gawd, you're worse than L!

**Near:** Sorry. I'm 16.

**everyone:** ...

**Near:** It's true!

**everyone:** ...

**Near:** Mello, you knew it, right?

**Mello:** I always thought you were, like, ten or something.

**Near:** Oh, well...truth or dare?

**Mello:** Dare.

**Near:** Go outside.

**Ikkaku:** Are you CRAZY?! There are fangirls out there! He could get kidnapped, or worse!

**Mello:** I'll go.

**Ikkaku:** WHAT?!!

**Mello: **Just in case I don't make it back; truth or dare, Ichigo?

**Ichigo:** Truth.

**Mello:** Why are you still wearing Misa's clothes?

**Ichigo:** 'Cuz Shiro took all of mine.

**Shiro:** Damn straight.

**Mello:** Oh. Well, goodbye everyone. It's been great knowing you all. -glares at Light- Except you.

**Light:** Oww...

**Mello:** -leaves-

**Matt:** You think he'll be okay?

**Ikkaku:** Not a chance.

**Beyond:** Ten minutes.

**C.C.:** -eats faster-

**Ichigo:** I think that's everyone.

**akuhime-chan:** Well, not quite. We still haven't put in Ryuk.

**Light:** Where _is_ Ryuk, anyways?

* * *

**Ryuk:** I've finally found it! The world's biggest apple pie! -starts eating-

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Well, wherever he is, I'm sure he's having the time of his...life?

**Beyond:** Time's up.

**C.C.:** I did it!

**Light:** Did what? Wha'd I miss?

**akuhime-chan:** You got blood in your hair.

**Light:** WHAT?! NOOO! NOT MY HAIR!!!

**akuhime-chan:** Okay, now finally we have...reviews!

_Naito Kanpeki:_

_-Is rolling around on the ground laughing her ass off.- Yes, you are officially my favorite authoress at the moment. -Is still convulsing with laughter.-_

_Okay, right, moving along. Thank you ever so kindly because that absolutely made my day and made me much happier then I've been in these past few weeks. So thank you my dear. Wonderful job as always~. By the way, on my last review, I did mean to put hands. I just must have left off the s. My keyboard has the tendency to leave out random letters._

_Also, I've finally gotten off my lazy ass and posted a chapter of one of my stories on here (Which for me is a miracle in itself). The one I have up is for my Kingdom Hearts idea, but I will soon have one up for Bleach... Or two... Depends on if I get my lazy ass in gear. But anyways, you should check out the Bleach ones I'll have up soon. I can promise they'll be... interesting... -Winks- Anyways, keep up the wonderful work._

**akuhime-chan:** I know. I just have the tendency to point out random spelling errors.

**Near:** What's the wink for?

**akuhime-chan:** Are you really 16?

**Beyond:** Probably not. L lies a lot, so he probably does too.

_kurengo-san:_

_so this was good good songs I you ever have a next karaoke add a green day song XD  
anyways I was reading this and I cam whit this up on the thruth or dare make the dares extreme and make the thruth really embarrasing everyone will get what comes to them and light imagay is getting kinda old I prefer light faggotman and yeah I want you to write his name 300 times in the death note and oh let me spin the bottle_

**akuhime-chan:** Sorry, when I was growing up we didn't have bottles. We just picked random people we wanted to humiliate. And I won't change his name, but I will do the 300 names. -writes Light Imagay in Death Note- Oh, and just a reminder, only make song requests every five chapters. -erases name-

**Light:** This is starting to get old. -dies again-

**Matt:** Well, akuhime-chan's busy so I'll do the poll.

**_Should Ulquiorra regain his memories as L?_**

**_1) No. 1_**

**_2) Yes, but he should just leave it alone. 2_**

**_3) Yes, and he should take revenge on Light. 9_**

**akuhime-chan:** Wait, people are voting again? That makes me so happy! I think I'll update again this weekend!

**Matt:** Yes, and don't forget to read _Eternal Night_!

**akuhime-chan:** One of the perks to being grounded is that it gives you time to write out the rest of your fics. And I'm also available for beta requests!

**Matt:** The guest star gets the last word.

**C.C.:** Thank you. Please review and vote in the poll. Have a nice day.


	17. cookies, nekos, and LOTS OF YELLING

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Hate me if you want to, but it's actually not my fault this time. Oh sure, I got started writing _another_ fanfic...

**Shiro:** She cheated on us with an _American_ cartoon!

**akuhime-chan:** Uh...right...well, now that summer has finally started, I'll try to update more.

**Beyond:** Oh, sure, you'll _try_.

**Matsumoto: **Hey, leave her alone! She's doing the best she can!

**Near:** No she isn't...

**akuhime-chan:** -glares-

**Ulquiorra:** Shut up, all of you.

**akuhime-chan:** Right, let's just get to reviews already...

_Night of Red:_

_I'm so glad you started writing again. Love it as always. *hands everyone a magic lamp* Ok... everyone can have three wishes but you need to be spacific._

_I was sorta depressed today but your story cheered me up! Yea! Now i want to jump Byakuya. He is HOT!! Beyond Birthday as well. SQUEE! Bye...Don't die. Well execpte for light. Please kill him._

_P.S. I sent the fangirls after mello. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!_

**akuhime-chan:** Well, I'm sorry I stopped again.

**Mello:** WHAT?! YOU'RE THE REASON I ALMOST DIED?!!

**Matt:** Calm down, dude.

**Mello:** NO!! I WON'T CALM DOWN!! I'LL NEVER CALM DOWN!!! I--ugggh... -faints-

**akuhime-chan:** -hides tranquilizer gun-

**Grimmjow:** Well, that's one way to shut him up...

**akuhime-chan:** You're not going to break his legs while I'm around.

**Grimmjow:** So I can do it after you leave?

**Byakuya:** Why do the fangirls always go after us?

**Beyond:** I dunno, maybe they like cold-hearted bastards.

**Ulquiorra: **Or names that start with B...

**akuhime-chan:** I have writer's cramp. Ryuk, do it for me.

**Ryuk:** -writes name in Death Note-

**akuhime-chan:** NOT ME YOU--GAAAH! -dies-

**Light:** Sorry, Night of Red, but I bribed Ryuk to kill her instead!

**Ryuk: **When am I going to get those 300 apples?

**akuhime-chan:** -rises from the dead-

**Light and Ryuk:** AAAAAH!!

**akuhime-chan:** Fools! Did you really think you could kill me?! I AM IMMORTAL!!!

**L:** Since when?

**akuhime-chan:** Since I wished for it with my magic lamp. :3

_Tallest Rainbow:_

_why did yo make that rule that we can only ask for deathnote characters now? bleach has more please lift the rule._

_(ps i wanna neko mikami)_

**akuhime-chan:** Ohh...spelling errors...

**L:** Just ignore it and answer the review.

**akuhime-chan:** Okay...I made that rule because I'm running out of room. In case you haven't noticed, I keep forgetting one.

**Ikkaku:** Just make sure you don't forget me.

**akuhime-chan:** Um...who are you again?

**Ikkaku:** ...

**Hitsugaya:** That's kind of an unusual request. I don't think we can--

**akuhime-chan:** DONE!!! -hits button-

-NekoMikami pops out of the floor-

**NekoMikami:** Where am I?

**akuhime-chan:** You're in Fanfictionland, the magical place where people have cat ears and money falls from the sky!

-money starts falling from the sky-

**akuhime-chan:** YAY WE'RE RICH!!!

**NekoMikami: **But this is Monopoly money.

**akuhime-chan:** It is? -looks closer- Oh well, I guess not _everything_ is possible...

**Hitsugaya:** -starts looking up number for the crazy house-

_MangoShake:_

_Wah! You're awesome! ._

_Grimmjow was a little narcissist in this chapter wasn't he? And ooh, Ulquiorra got a little aggressive also. Hah! But, now that UlquiHime is officially canon, I feel sorry for Grimmy. Do you have something to counterattack the epic hand reach, Grimmjow?_

_C.C.! I love your hair..._

_Near is 16?! Wow, first I find out Blue from Blues Clues is actually a girl and now I find out Near is 16?! I need to rewatch Death Note._

_I give akuhime-chan a giant cookie for her greatness! It's up to her if she wants to share kufufufufufu._

**akuhime-chan:** WHAT?!! IT'S CANON NOW?!!

**Beyond:** You really need to catch up...

**Matsumoto:** But she's still in shock from seeing me get hurt.

**Misa:** Aww, that's so romantic!

**Grimmjow:** ...

**Near:** Why does no one know that?

**Matt:** Because you look like a little kid.

**Near:** No, I mean why does no one know that Blue is a girl?

**akuhime-chan:** Hey, I was shocked when I found out, too.

**Grimmjow:** ...

**Orihime:** Uh, akuhime-chan? I think Grimmjow needs some of your cookie...

**akuhime-chan: **-gives Grimmjow half the cookie-

**Grimmjow:** I don't want it...

**Misa:** Aw, but sugar will make you feel better!

**Orihime:** If it makes you happy, we can still be together in Fanfictionland.

-real money starts falling from the sky-

**akuhime-chan:** WOO! It worked!

**NekoMikami: **There's only $1.85 here...

**akuhime-chan:** Shut up! Money is money! Gawd, even as a neko you're a prick. Go stand with Byakuya. You can both be pricks together.

**NekoMikami:** -goes to stand by Byakuya-

**Ichigo:** O.O It's like they're clones...

**Shiro:** Except one has cat ears.

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** POLL!!

**_Should Ulquiorra regain his memories as L?_**

**_1) Yes, and he should take revenge on Light - 10_**

**_2) Yes, but he should leave it alone - 3_**

**_3) No - 1_**

**Matt: **Hope you have a great summer! Poor akuhime-chan will be staying out of the sun.

**akuhime-chan: **Shut up...


	18. Romance! Explosions! And MOAR CAKE!

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Ever wonder what that thing is doing up there? I mean, it's at the top of every chapter!

**NekoMikami:** Why don't you just delete it?

**akuhime-chan:** Nah, too much effort.

**NekoMikami:** Too much effort? And how much effort does writing a fanfiction take?

**akuhime-chan:** ...No fishy for you.

**NekoMikami:** What?! No!! I want my fishy!!!

**akuhime-chan:** -hits NekoMikami in the face with a fish- Okay, now that we've got _that_ little piece of stupidity out of the way, on with the show!

_Silent Cries of the Night:_

_-Claps- You've returned. Welcome back from your ever so long absence. I've missed this Debate so much. It lets me laugh and de-stress myself... Which I needed for my stupid finals. e.e I'm particularly glad summer has finally arrived. But now I have to deal with my idiot roommate all the time. You win some, you lose some I suppose._

_Anyways, welcome back. Missed the comedy. Update when you can. Oh! And kill Light once more for me. And I hope you have a wonderful summer, dear._

**akuhime-chan:** Aww, and I missed you too, you wonderful reviewer! -hugs-

**Shiro:** Wanna know how aku did on _her_ finals?

**akuhime-chan:** Don't you dare.

**Ulquiorra:** It's not like you did _bad_.

**akuhime-chan:** I probably got a C on all of 'em.

**Near:** Well, look on the bright side. At least you're not failing Art anymore.

**Mello:** And you almost failed English, too!

**akuhime-chan:** -sniff- Shut up...

_Ashes To Dawn:_

_=] Nice fanfic xDD So funny. OMG. I like shounen ai too! =] *squeal* Oh, and here you goes, L. *Hands you a five story cake* ^_^ Update please! xD_

**akuhime-chan:** -stares-

**L:** What?

**akuhime-chan:** Aren't you gonna share?

**L:** I wasn't planning on it.

**akuhime-chan:** -puppy dog eyes-

**L:** ...

**akuhime-chan:** It's not working! Plan B!

-Ikkaku and Grimmjow tackle L-

**akuhime-chan:** AHAHAHAHAHA! -takes a bite of cake- Ugh! Too much sugar! Plan C!

-Ichigo and Misa put on frilly aprons and start baking another cake-

**akuhime-chan:** Ooh! An idea! Hey Light, come here!

**Light:** What?

**akuhime-chan:** Taste this for me, will ya?

**Light:** Um...ok... -takes a bite, throws up and dies-

**L:** Lucky guy. Death by cake... -takes a bite of cake- It tastes fine to me.

**Ulquiorra:** He must have built up an immunity...

**akuhime-chan:** Weird... Orihime! Fix him, please!

**Orihime:** Ok. -starts healing Light-

**Ichigo:** NO MISA DON'T--

BOOM

**Misa:** Uh-oh. I think we did something wrong...

**akuhime-chan:** If by "wrong" you mean blew up my oven, then yeah.

**Misa:** Now I understand why I was never allowed to cook.

**Ichigo:** Now how are we supposed to make a cake?

**akuhime-chan:** Plan D!

**Hitsugaya:** Hello? Yes, we'd like to order a cake. What size? Uhh...

**akuhime-chan:** Humongorific!

**Matsumoto:** With frosting flowers!

**Misa:** And sprinkes!

**Orihime:** And pickles!

**akuhime-chan:** No pickles.

**Orihime:** Why not? (see what you've done by giving us cake?)

_lelouchgurl:_

_Omg this story was so funny but can u put some histumaysu in it they're one of my fav couples along ichiruki and ulquhime!_

**akuhime-chan:** Oh sure why don't we pull the HitsuMatsu people into this? And while we're at it, let's bring in all the HitsuRuki and HitsuMomo people and all the other HitsuWhatever people and you can all have a big war and I'll just be standing in the middle of it all waving my HitsuNobody flag and shooting my laser gun at random things!

**Matsumoto:** So the answer is...

**akuhime-chan:** No. -glares at Hitsugaya- I hate you for being so popular.

**Ulquiorra:** See? We _are _the more popular couple. -hugs Orihime-

**Grimmjow:** ...

_Night of Red:_

_Wonderful, just magical! Splee!! Keep writing and go get some sun. Just don't get extra crispy. Hehe. I just have one thing to ask... where does mello put his chocolate?!?! He wears leather pants for crists sake, where can he put it!?!?! Grimm is now my fav character in bleach and beyond is in death note! Yea for the psyco peoples!! Oh... did you eat that girls arm that you took beyond?? My friends and i were just wondering... look a woosh yaoi crack muffin!! YEA!! Keep writing and you can get a magical splee tree! TREE!!_

**akuhime-chan:** Just as I was reading this I remembered where "Splee!" comes from. YEA WAFFLE! But why do I always give him Tallest Purple's voice when I think of him? Do they have the same voice actor?

**Grimmjow:** Haha, I'm the more popular character!

**Ulquiorra:** Then how do you explain _that_? -gestures to We Hate Grimmjow corner which has grown to include NekoMikami, Light, and a random hobo-

**Grimmjow:** Wait, why did _you_ guys join?

**Light:** You're basically a criminal.

**random hobo:** Is that what this corner is? I can't read.

**NekoMikami:** This fic only has room for one cat-person and it's obvious that _I'm_ akuhime-chan's favorite.

**Grimmjow:** -kicks random hobo out the door- No way, I'm her favorite!

**akuhime-chan:** Actually, random hobo was my favorite.

**everyone:** -stares-

**akuhime-chan:** What? He had a cat's liver!

**L:** Didn't Beyond leave that arm in the bathtub? Or was that the leg?

**akuhime-chan:** And I _did_ get some sun! And I got a sunburn!

**Ryuk:** It's barely pink.

**akuhime-chan:** So? It still hurts!

**Ryuk:** But you were only outside for two hours...

**Mello:** I have Matt hold all my chocolate for me.

**Matt: **It's true. I feel like I'm holding shopping bags in the mall for my girlfriend.

**Near:** That's basically what you're doing.

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Instead of the poll resuts, I have an announcement. For those of you that actually read _Eternal Night_, it's going on hiatus as of today...

**Shiro:** Who cares?

**akuhime-chan:** -throws a shoe at Shiro-

**Shiro:** Ha ha, got yer shoe!

**akuhime-chan:** ...the reason being that I've been working on another fic that just put it to SHAME. So, I'm fixing it a little and moving it to crossovers.

**Matt:** So, uh, yeah...review and...stuff...


	19. I'm running out of fun titles

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan: **I looked it up! Waffle and Tallest Purple _do_ have the same voice actor!

**Shiro:** No one cares!

**akuhime-chan:** -throws other shoe at Shiro-

**Shiro:** Ha ha, got yer other shoe!

**akuhime-chan:** That isn't my shoe.

**Shiro:** Then it's _your_ shoe!

**L:** No, I don't wear shoes.

**Shiro:** Then whose is it?

-everyone looks at each other's feet while eerie music plays-

**akuhime-chan:** Now that that's out of the way, let's get to the reviews!

_Zhen Yu:_

_Ni Hao..*bows respectfully* Aww...I hope I am not too late for the party...after all, I did bake all of these cookies *drops off giant basket of cookies* keep up the good work, yes? *blinks slowly* Just to throw it out there, Grimmjow is a pretty awsome character...*coughs* though, Ulquiorra remains my particular favorite...*empty far away look in eyes* ANYWAY, job well done, yes? *gives Akuhime the honorary bestest award* You earned it *nods*_

**akuhime-chan:** Thank you! I always _knew_ I was the bestest...

**Light:** No you didn't.

**akuhime-chan:** -throws a third shoe at Light- ...but now that it's official, I can actually believe it without my good mood crashing half a minute later!

**Grimmjow:** You see? I _am_ awesome!

**Ulquiorra:** But you're still not the favorite. Go sit with the losers. Orihime is mine.

**Grimmjow:** -sulks-

**Orihime:** Aren't we missing the point here?

**Ulquiorra:** Uhh...what point would that be?

**Orihime:** There's someone out there missing three shoes.

**Ulquiorra:** O_o

_Silent Cries of the Night:_

_-Holds out two cakes- Since you seemed to have a problem with the cakes, I decided to make some myself. They're for you all to share or whatever. So enjoy them. And don't worry, nothing was done to them. (That I'm aware of anyways. ._.; I can't say for sure if my roommate did anything to them while poking around the kitchen. I'll assume he didn't.)_

_By the way, don't worry about finals... They'll always suck... I think I made only two or three A's and all the rest were B's. College sucks ass, I swear._

_So, loved it as always. Keep anyone who does NOT need to be in a kitchen out of it, please. Especially Misa considering she blew up an oven. Update soon please, hun._

_Might I also like to add one last thing before I depart. I forgot to mention this last time and felt like an idiot when I realized this later after I had already sent the review, I did in fact change my name. So, I was once Naito Kanpeki, to avoid further confusion. Once again, sorry I forgot to mention that last time._

**akuhime-chan:** It's okay. I figured you were an old reviewer, so I knew you'd changed your name.

**L:** Is that cake for me?

**akuhime-chan:** No, L. That cake is for everyone.

**L:** What about that one?

**akuhime-chan:** You can have a slice or two.

**L:** Or twelve? -looks hopeful-

**NekoMikami:** o.o Are you even human?

**Ikkaku:** You heard the reviewer. Misa, Orihime, and Light are forbidden from entering the kitchen.

**Light:** Why me?

**Ikkaku:** Because you might try to poison the authoress.

**Byakuya: **How _did_ you do on your finals, by the way?

**akuhime-chan:** Not too bad, I guess. I got two C's and the rest are A's and B's.

**Byakuya:** Two C's?

**akuhime-chan:** Yup. That's a record low for me.

**Ichigo:** And you have two years left of high school to make it worse. (That's right, I'm still in high school! Got a problem with that?!)

_MangoShake:_

_I feel sorry for Grimm-chan...*gives him a hug and gives him a Tousen voodoo doll* Forget about the haterz. You know why? Because you can always cero their behinds to Kingdom Come at the end of the day. 8D_

_Akuhime-chan! Your prize for last and this chapter, because I forgot to review for the last, will be a 20 story cake with your likings...I have connections...*shifty eyes*. And guess what? Because of L was terribly rude to you and wouldn't share, I give you permission to not share! Well, of course if you feel nice and want to. 8D_

_Enjoy your summer to the fullest!_

**akuhime-chan:** Every time I see your name, I get hungry. Why must you have such a delicious sounding name? Why?!

**Grimmjow:** Shut up! Can't you see I'm busy?! -stabs Tousen doll repeatedly-

* * *

_somewhere far away_

**Tousen:** AAAAUGH!!! -dies in a puddle of blood-

* * *

**akuhime-chan: **Phew! Good thing I'm not a hater! Right Grimm?

**Grimmjow:** Yeah, you get to live. -ceros everything in the We Hate Grimmjow Club corner-

-everyone jumps out of the way except Light-

**Light:** -screams so horribly I can't describe it and dies- (Free of charge!)

**Orihime:** And I suppose you want me to bring him back now?

**akuhime-chan:** Are you tired? Here, have some cake first.

**Orihime:** Thank you!

-everyone takes a cake break except for Light who is too busy being dead-

**Misa:** Waitaminute! Why am I eating cake when my boyfriend is dead? -starts to cry-

**akuhime-chan:** AAGH! Don't cry!

**L:** Here, cake makes everything better.

**Misa:** -starts shoveling cake into her mouth- (Well, that was pointless.)

_Night of Red:_

_YEA HOBOS!! Or was it supposed to be homos... I can't remeber. Grim, give op on Orihime. No Ulqiorra, you can't have her either. Really, the only possible pairing with her winny little ass would be the quincy. I don't even know why you like her she is so annoying!_

_Sorry for the rant. Your doing great on this story. It helps me relax, and fall over in a fit of histaric laughter. Have a woosh yaoi cholaty crack muffin. They can be used in any country except translivanina. MUHAHAHAHA!_

_I am using my predicting powers to say someone will probally be jump sometime soon. Sorry for the long ass review and horrible spelling!! BYE!!_

**akuhime-chan:** Homos, hobos, either way YEAH!!! And yes, it was hobos.

**Orihime:** Why is the only possible pairing with the quincy?

**Grimmjow:** The OBVIOUSLY GAY quincy?

**akuhime-chan:** Eh...sorry, I'm with Grimm on this one.

**Ryuk:** Why does everyone think the girls in anime are annoying?

**Matsumoto:** Don't listen to them, Orihime! You're no more annoying than I am!

**Light:** -alive again- ...Was that supposed to _help_?

**akuhime-chan:** And what do you mean it's not usable in Transylvania? I was planning on going there next month!

**Hitsugaya:** -chokes on his cake- What exactly for, may I ask?

**akuhime-chan:** Nothing...just...huntingdownEdwardCullenandmakinghimpayforburningmyeyeballswiththathorribleexcuseforabook.

**Hitsugaya:** I apologise for her...she really hates that book.

**akuhime-chan:** I refuse to apologise! RAWR!

**Mello:** I liked it.

**Matt:** D=

**Mello:** NOT because of that. Seriously dude, you're fine.

**Matt:** Just "fine?"

**Near:** Uh-oh. Lover's quarrel.

**NekoMikami:** I wish we had popcorn.

**akuhime-chan:** We have cake.

**Near and NekoMikami:** That works too!

**Matt:** -suddenly and inexplicably jumps Mello-

**everyone:** O_O

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** I guess that "Honorary Bestest Award" didn't really help after all. Oh well. Sorry for making you read this crap.

**Matt:** Oh dear, she's gone emo again.

**Ulquiorra:** Tell her that's _my_ job.

**Ryuk:** I haven't been appearing much lately, have I?

**akuhime-chan:** -ignores Ryuk- Don't forget that next chapter is karaoke! Oh, and I'm updating weekly now.

**Matt:** Please revew kindly and shut her up!

**akuhime-chan:** One last word before I leave you to your reviewingness: CAKE FOR EVERYONE! -throws cake at you-


	20. The karaoke chapter that never was

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Yo, wazzup y'all?

**Ulquiorra:** Wonderful. She's finally lost it...more.

**akuhime-chan:** You shut up. It's a new chapter and I'm in a great mood! Wanna know why?

**audience:** WHY?!

**akuhime-chan:** I just got my hair cut! I don't have to deal with it getting in my face anymore!

**NekoMikami:** But your ponytail is gone.

**akuhime-chan:** No it's not. I can still pull it back.

**Ulquiorra:** But it's not a ponytail anymore. It's more like a...

**Misa:** A bunnytail!

**Rukia:** -runs in all rabid- DID SOMEBODY SAY BUNNIES?!!

**akuhime-chan:** -pushes Rukia out the window-

**Orihime:** You're going to make her fans really mad...

**akuhime-chan:** I don't care! She's not supposed to be here anymore!

**L:** So now you're mad because we insulted your hair?

**akuhime-chan:** Nope! I'm still happy! I am the most bipolar person on Earth! YAAAY!!!

_Zhen Yu:_

_I have an idea!! *grabs a slice of cake and shoves it into Grimmjow's and Ulquiorra's faces* chi dangao!! *drags Orihime and puts her next to Ulquiorra, then gives Ryuk a shiny red apple* here...and you are SO Honorary Bestest,akuhime chan, because I said so, so you BETTER believe it. *hugs for all, gives Grimmjow an extra hug* Keep up the good work!!_

**akuhime-chan:** All right, all right, I believe it! Happy?

**Ulquiorra:** No.

**akuhime-chan:** Shut up. You're never happy.

**Near:** Neither are you.

**akuhime-chan:** ...Touche.

**Grimmjow:** What is it with you people and hugs?

**Misa:** HUGS! -hugs Light-

**Light:** Help me...

**Ryuk:** Shut up, bitch! Ahm eatin' mah apple!

_MangoShake:_

_My name? Delicious? Why thank you :D Your fanfic is ten times as delicious, though. XD_

_You are so Honorary Bestest, akuhime-chan! If anyone else says otherwise...-eyes go red and emits an horrifying aura that my hair starts to defy gravity and starts flowing upward- Eh? -goes back to normal- Tee Hee..._

_And to feel generous I'll give gifts to my favorite characters in the fic._

_Grimmjow gets another voodoo doll, but it's Luppi this time :D_

_Ulquiorra shall recieve a...-attacks him shoves a microchip into his brain showing a clip of Orihime confessing to Ichigo in his sleep and about to kiss him- Just to make you jealous and to give you more of a drive to kill him for real next time..._

_And poor Ryuk gets a lifetime supply of apples and one Grapple. Let's see if he'll like a grapple XD_

_Can't wait for your next update!_

**akuhime-chan:** It is? -takes a bite of the fanfic- Tastes like...the tortured souls of dead orphans. Yummy! -keeps eating-

**Grimmjow:** -twists Luppi doll into a pretzel-

* * *

Somewhere far away...

**Luppi:** AAAGGCKKK MY SPINE!!! -dies a horrible, horrible death-

* * *

**Ulquiorra:** NOOOO! WHY, ORIHIME, WHY!? -locks himself in the closet, probably to cut himself-

**Ryuk:** Yum! -eats all the apples, then eats the grapple and barfs-

**akuhime-chan:** I am so evil... AHAHAHAHAHA I SAID EVIL!!!

_Emotive Gothika:_

_LOL, hello there fellow Twilight hater! I totally love your fic! And yes, I am formally Emolette Gothika, but I changed my name because it sounded like omelet -_-;_

_I have a challenge for Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. For one chapter, you guys must give up on Annyoning Hime... I mean Orihime... and go gay. I want GrimmUlqui! OR UlquiIchi! OR even GrimmIchi! Kyaa XD_

_Maa, keep it up Hime-chan (no, not you Orihime)! Ima give you this vampire hunting kit so that you can kill that vampire poser named after my favorite State Alchemist... you better kill him..._

**akuhime-chan:** lol...omelet. GrimmUlqui it is! ^_^

**Grimmjow:** I have to be gay...with _him_?! -looks at the closet where we hear crying noises-

**akuhime-chan:** Yush. :3

**Orihime:** Nobody likes me... -goes to join Ulqui in the closet-

**akuhime-chan:** That is...disturbing. And yet, strangely adorable.

**Misa:** They're there for each other...

**akuhime-chan:** And don't worry, Gothika! Edward Elric shall be avenged!

**Ed:** But I'm not dead...

**akuhime-chan:** -salutes the Yaoi flag and walks away-

**NekoMikami:** Wait! You can't leave yet!

**akuhime-chan:** What? Why not?

**NekoMikami:** Well, for starters, you haven't used all the characters yet.

**akuhime-chan:** Can't I just say they're on vacation?

**L:** You also haven't done the karaoke chapter yet.

**akuhime-chan:** No one requested anything!

**Near:** So? What are you going to do?

**akuhime-chan:** -thinks- Eat pie?

**Near:** No. Think harder.

**akuhime-chan:** -thinks harder- Watch gay porn on YouTube?

**L:** No! Since when do you do _that_?!

**akuhime-chan:** Hee hee...okay, I don't. -thinks really really, like REALLY super hard- Oh, I gots it! I'm gonna sing a song I choose!

**Near:** Yay.

**akuhime-chan:** And just because I'm a mean fanfiction author, I'm gonna make it a really stupid short one!

* * *

**Land of the Dead  
(by Voltaire)**

-everyone I didn't mention starts dancing in the background-

**akuhime-chan:** A Minotaur's my butler, a Cyclops my valet  
A Centaur draws my chariot that takes me down the way  
Through a river made of fire to a street that's paved with bones  
I got a dozen zombie skeletons to walk me to my throne

In the Land of the Dead  
Heck boy, ain't it grand?  
I'm the Overlord of the Underworld  
'Cause I hold Horror's Hand  
In the Land of the Dead  
I'm darkside royalty  
I'm foreign out in the underground  
And you can't take that from me

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Cerberus my lap dog is loyal as can be  
My bed is made of skulls; I'm in the lap of luxury  
I've got a Dragon's Blood jacuzzi; the Gorgons think it's cool  
And a seven-headed Hydra livin' in my swimmin' pool

In the Land of the Dead  
Heck boy, ain't it grand?  
I'm the Overlord of the Underworld  
'Cause I hold Horror's Hand  
In the Land of the Dead  
I'm darkside royalty  
I'm foreign out in the underground  
And you can't take that away from me

No you can't take that from me!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Eh heh heh... If you liked that, good for you. If it melted your eardrums...well, maybe next time you'll request a song.

**Matt:** Join us! We have muffins!


	21. Fun with machetes

Heated Debate!

* * *

**akuhime-chan:** Sorry for the late update everyone! And yes it is late. A WHOLE DAY LATE!!! I got distracted and then I got high on chocolate and the song "Everytime We Touch"!

**Matt:** It's actually true this time.

**akuhime-chan:** *pouts* Of course it is! It's always true! Anyways, what do you think of this:

Questions will be answered, comments will be appreciated, and flames will be used to toast marshmallows!

**akuhime-chan:** It's my new tag that I'm putting in every chapter of every fanfic that I write from now on! Isn't it cute?!

**NekoMikami:** I...guess... O.o

**akuhime-chan:** Also, the GrimmUlqui chapter that I promised you all will be postponed until next chapter. You'll find out why later.

**Ulquiorra:** You mean we don't have to...

**Grimmjow:** Sorry to disappoint ya, emo boy.

**akuhime-chan:** Hey, I'm suffering too!

**NekoMikami:** Shouldn't we get to the reviews?

_MangoShake:_

_That song was awesome! 8D I think I listened to it over 10 times in one sitting already . I think I have been akuhime-chan-itized!_

_Y'know, when Hime joined Ulqui in the closet, I wondered what they were really doing in there...Ulquiorra you sly dog you kufufufufu..._

_Question! When do Truth or Dare parts come out again? I have an attention span that worse than Wonderweiss D8 You really need to get a BleachAsylum account 3_

**akuhime-chan:** You what...? Oh dear. Go see a psychiatrist immediately. If you wait for too long, the change will be irreversible.

**Byakuya:** The last thing we need is more of _her_ running around.

**akuhime-chan:** -bitchslaps Byakuya- Shut up! I know I'm insane, but you don't have to...wait, what was I talking about?

**Shiro:** lol, she has the memory of a genius goldfish.

**Ichigo:** Please don't make me do Truth or Dare again. I don't wanna wear a dress.

**akuhime-chan:** Well, too bad. We'll do Truth or dare after next chapter.

_Night of Red:_

_Orihime i hate you. You are a winy bitch and i hope you die a horrible death along with ruika. Masomato is fine. She is fun and has sake. -i walk in the room- ACK! Hollow get off the computer! -hollow sighs and leaves after pushing a vase of my desk- god damnit. Sorry about that. I have a hollow and she is a bitch. Hehe... I love this story. GO GRIM/ULQU! YAOI, SPLEE!-wierd fangirl smile- So keep writing because you were ment to make people laugh. Love you and your story to death. I deem you god for the day. Sorry for the long ass review. Bye Bye!_

**Light:** What?! How come _she_ gets to be a god?!

**akuhime-chan:** And why for only one day?!

**Orihime:** Why does everyone hate me now?

**Misa:** People just don't like pretty girls, I guess.

**akuhime-chan:** Which would explain why these crazy people like me.

**Matsumoto:** I GOTS BEER!!! -falls over drunk-

**Hitsugaya**(I almost wrote "Hitler")**:** Will someone help me carry her home?

**akuhime-chan:** Have Ryuk do it.

**Ryuk:** -whines- Why me?

**akuhime-chan:** Because I said so! And I am God!

**Light:** -sulks in a corner-

**Near:** People don't love us, they love _you_.

**akuhime-chan:** That's right, little boy. I was born to do two things: make people laugh and melt their eyeballs. I'm also very good at writing angst and violence. Almost disturbingly so.

**Near:** O_O That's creepy.

_kurengo-san:_

_mist appears and beffore it clears of Kurengos hand appears and throws 200 apples at ryuks mouth. gives 30, 2 story hig cakes whit chocolate fudge frosting. then he gives akuhime a machete for lightimagay I request you play a song from slipknot called "dead memories" I request a lesbian chapter between rangiku and orihime. and a gay chapter between Ichigo and shiro :)_

_throws a present to everyone " theres something special in each box and 1 present carries a bomb care to guess who recieves it his name contains light._

_sorry for not being here lately I was really stressed about the trial I was gonna go for eh burning something but I only got community service and got grounded from comp for a few weeks. keep up your hilarious work, I read a bunch of stories here and this one is the best so far you should write a book. anyways I also hate twilight me and my friends are in twilight haters club care to join?_

**akuhime-chan:** Would I? WOULD I?! I don't know, would I? -thinks for a minute- Yeah, I guess I would!

**Matt:** And this is why we've postponed the GrimmUlqui chapter. Because akuhime-chan is lazy and wants to do it all at once.

**akuhime-chan:** Yep! And thanks for the machete! -turns to Light- Prepare yourself, mortal!

**Light:** -holds up his present to sheild himself-

**akuhime-chan:** -slices through the present and it blows up-

**Mello:** About the song request...

**akuhime-chan:** Oh yeah, please request songs _before_ the karaoke chapter is posted. If no one requests again, I might sing one of those songs from the freecreditreport .com commercials.

**Ikkaku:** Everyone loves those.

**akuhime-chan: **Yes, but I'm not a great singer.

**Mello:** You can say that again.

**akuhime-chan:** -turns to Mello with the machete- What did you just say, human?

**Mello:** I said that you are beautiful and talented and real good with a machete.

**akuhime-chan:** Why thank you, Mello.

**Matt:** Review please, before she kills us all.


	22. Vampires werewolves and zombies, oh my!

Heated Debate!

* * *

**Aku:** I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEEE!!!

**Ulquiorra:** Stupid girl. Do you really expect a warm welcome after being gone for so long?

**Aku:** Um...yes?

**Ulquiorra:** You're hopeless...

**Aku:** Yeah, yeah. So anyway, since I missed Halloween (the greatest day of the year!) by about a week, here's the holiday chapter! You can all have the leftover candy!

**Mello:** You ate it all.

**Aku:** ...So I did...

**Mello:** There were two whole bags left! How could you eat it all?!

**Aku:** I have a separate stomach for candy!

**Mello: **You didn't even let me have any!

**Aku: **Well, why didn't you go trick-or-treating then?

**Mello: **Because I couldn't find anything that looked good on me...

**Ulquiorra:** Well, now what are you going to do?

**Aku:** Hmm...I suppose I could give out prizes to the first reviewer starting next chapter...

**Near:** That's the spirit.

**Aku: **I also have a few quick announcements to make. First, as you can see, I have changed my name to Aku-the-Doomed for reasons that, if I told you, would have you backing away slowly and reaching for a weapon. Second, I'm moving this fic to the Crossovers section. And third--this is kind of embarassing--I forgot what happened last chapter and I had to reread it.

**NekoMikami:** Oh, you poor thing.

**Aku:** No sarcasm allowed!

**Light:** You can't control us.

**Aku:** Yes I can, I'm the author!

**Light: **No, you can't. I'm god again, so I call the shots now.

**Aku:** Bite me.

**NekoMikami: **Let's just get to reviews before this turns into an all-out war.

_Night of Red:_

_YEA MACHETE! WOOT! I need to think of something evil to do to light... AH! I know! You can ship him to south america and make him get eaten by lama's. Slow death. I have a question. If the quincy is gay, then who is he gay for? Ichigo is taken, unless Shiro wants to share. Hm... Have you ever watched Junjou Romantica? Great story! Have a fun day killing people!_

**Aku:** It's a love triangle, obviously.

**Light:** You can't feed me to llamas! Llamas are herbivores!

**Aku:** That is true...

**Orihime:** Actually, I once heard Aizen talking about a top-secret research facility in Argentina that does all kinds of weird experiments on animals...

**Aku:** Le gasp! Experimentation on animals?! I must put a stop to this!! ...Right after I feed Light to the carnivorous llamas.

**Light:** Y-you're horrible...

_Coldjava:_

_Hi! It's MangoShake! I actually got off of my lazy butt and logged in for once :D_

_Well for the truth and dare, I dare Ichigo to wear a sexy bunny costume. And if we can do more than one, then I also dare Hitsugaya to act like Hitler for the chapter (because I just cracked up at that .) And if I can only do one, then I go with Hitsugaya's dare._

_Mwhahaha!_

**Aku:** No offense, but...your name doesn't sound delicious anymore.

**Hitsugaya:** Cold coffee tastes like crap, right?

**Aku:** I don't drink coffee.

**Matsumoto:** DRINK BEER, IT'S -hic- GOOD FOR YA!

**Aku:** Would somebody put her back in her cage?

_xXhitsugayaXx:_

_*PORTAL APPEARS FROM NOWHERE*_

_it is i... the crazy Ulquiorra fangirl, i demand that u give Ulquiorra to me,_

_for i shall save him from this Yaoi loving place, and i shall let Orihime come too if he wants her to, now i shall depart with Ulquiorra (and Orihime maybe)_

_oh one last thing, heres a girl kitty for Grimmjow, a {poisonous} apple for Ryuk, a chocolate cake for Mello and L, a large edward cullen plushie for akuhime-chan, two girly dresses for Ichigo and Ikkaku, a old school nintendo for Matt, a stripper for Byakuya, a wooden spoon for Hitsugaya, a Light clone for Misa a coffin for Light, and if Beyond is still there give him a flamethrower._

_if i missed any1 i dont care, i only care for Ulquiorra, and maybe akuhime-chan IF i get Ulquiorra_

_MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA_

_*GOES BACK INTO PORTAL AND WAITS FOR ULQUIORRA*_

**Aku:** Maybe I'll offer him up for a prize one of these days. Until then, I rent them out for one video game per day.

**Matt:** I like your price system.

**Aku:** It can't be a video game I already have, though. Plus, if you buy me a game console, you can have them for the month. Of course, then you have to feed them and clean up after them and take them for walks...

**Matsumoto:** No sake for me, thanks. -hic- I can't drink another bite...

**Aku:** Oh yeah, and there's a discount for the Beer Queen here.

**Beyond:** I've always wanted a flamethrower!

**Aku:** -dreamily- Me too...ACK! Where did you come from?!

**Beyond:** My mom.

**Aku:** TMI, dude. But anyways, why are you here?

**Beyond:** Did you forget already? Can anyone guess what Friday is?

**Mello:** Thanksgiving?

**Near:** The start of the Christmas shopping season?

**Light:** Don't kill your characters day?

**Aku:** OMG it's the 13th!

**Beyond:** And since you're probably going to get distracted by something _again_, I thought I'd pop in early.

**Aku:** Hey, I have an excuse!

**Byakuya:** You got a new video game and spent two weeks trying to beat it. And then you were grounded for getting a D in Trigonometry.

**Aku:** I didn't try, I succeeded!

**Matt:** Yeah, and that game is addicting!

**Mello: **Did you just forget about the D?

**Aku: **-waves report card in Mello's face- What D? I don't see any D. Are you sure you're not dyslexic? 'Cuz there's no D here.

**Mello:** That's because you brought it up to a C in time for the end of the quarter.

**Aku:** That's right, so now I'm ungrounded and I can be on the computer for five hours a day again!

**Beyond:** Is no one happy to see me?

**Aku: **I am! But these two won't shut up!

**Byakuya:** It's your own fault for being irresponsible.

**Beyond:** Wanna test out my new flamethrower on them?

**Aku:** Okay!

_Audrey-not actual member:_

_This is a really funny story. I shall reread it sometime after i finish it._

_BE NICE 2 ULQUIORRA! hES MY SECOND FAVORITE BLEACH CHARACTER AND HIS EMONESS IS WHAT MAKES HIM AWESOME._

_If he isn't treated better I will sick an army of flying,flesh eating monkeys after you!_

**Aku:** I've been told I taste like black licorice.

**everyone:** EEEEEW!

**Beyond:** Yeah, if anyone's gonna get eaten, it's those two. -points to barbecued Byakuya and Mello-

**Ryuk:** I'd rather have an apple.

**Light:** Hey, the chapter's almost over. What happened to your promise?

**Aku:** I'm keeping it. Look.

**Grimmjow:** -magically appears out of nowhere and glomps Ulquiorra-

**Matsumoto:** -stumbles around drunkenly then collapses on top of Orihime-

**Hitsugaya:** What about the other two?

**Aku:** What do you think?

**Hitsugaya:** O_O

**Ryuk:** Hey, candyman doesn't look so good.

**L:** -sulking in the corner-

**Aku:** Aww, what's the matter?

**L:** You forgot something...

**Aku:** No I didn't! Oh, Ikkaku...

**Ikakku:** -wheels in a cart with an enormous cake on it-

**everyone:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY L!

**Ikakku:** We had to reorder it from a different store because _someone_ killed the CEO of Baskin-Robbins.

**Light:** Ehehe... -sweatdrops-

**L:** You guys did this for me?

**Beyond:** Nah, we did it for the ratings.

**Aku:** He's kidding, of course we did it for you! That's not our names written in frosting, is it?

**L:** That's an R...

**Aku:** -mutters something about stupid language barriers-

**Matt:** Thus ends another chapter. First reviewer gets... -opens envelope- ...Aku's Death Note?

**Aku:** I don't need it anymore. I gots THIS. -holds up a golden DS-

**Matt:** Sweet.


	23. Light gets spork'd!

Heated Debate!

* * *

**Aku:** Hey, everyone! I'm back, and sorry about the long wait. I don't even have an excuse this time; I just forgot!

**Shinji: **Now tell them the bad news.

**Aku:** Shh! I'm getting to that! -ahem- Well folks, it seems that I have a D in English this quarter...so I may be grounded for the next month.

**Ulquiorra:** Which is why she's updating now instead of next week.

**Aku:** Sadly, yeah. Heh heh...whoopsie.

**Shinji:** Now tell them the _other_ bad news.

**Aku:** Yeah, um...this fic is only gonna last another few chapters.

**Mello:** She's abandoning you all!

**Aku:** You could call it that. But I'm really just tired of doing this...andIalsotookdowntheotherone...

**Mello:** I'm sorry, what? I couldn't quite catch that.

**Aku:** Eh...it's been overdone. I'm on to bigger and better things.

**Ulquiorra:** So she says.

**Shinji:** Now tell them the _other_ other bad news.

**Aku:** Well, it's not exactly bad news, but I got sick of my name again. After I finish this fic off, I'm changing it to 'Pixelated Bloodbath,' for whoever cares.

**Shiro:** We don't!

**Ulquiorra:** Is there an _other_ other other bad news?

**Aku:** Aside from the fact that I haven't written anything other than this in months, no.

**Mello:** Let's just get to reviews already.

_xXhitsugayaXx:_

_*PORTAL APPEARS AGAIN.* -HAND POPS OUT OF PORTAL AND DROPS A NOTE- *PORTAL  
CLOSES*_

_*Note says:  
'Dear Aku,  
A death note sounds like fun,  
Please leave your Death Note in the hands of Ulquiorra,  
Then leave him right here where this note landed.  
This note will self-destruct in 180 seconds.'_

**Aku:** You want him? You can keep him!

**Ulquiorra:** WHAT?!

**Aku:** Bye bye, Ulqui-chan! We won't miss you!

**Ulquiorra:** You bit--

-Ulquiorra is sucked into the portal-

**Aku:** Now how do we dispose of the note?

**Mello:** Don't worry, we've got 180 seconds!

**Matt:** Uh, Mells? That's three minutes.

**everyone:** O_O

_BOOM_

**Aku:** Is everyone okay?

**Mello:** No! Now I've got another scar!

**Aku:** And yet your hair remains intact...

**Misa:** Teach me your secret!

**Hitsugaya:** I bet it's made of solid gold or something...

**Aku:** Maybe we should shave him and sell it!

**Mello:** ;A;

_Night of Red:_

_I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK!  
I will except that it is a three way. That gives me an idea for a fanfic *creepy grin*  
I have friday the thriteenth presents. Mello gets Hershey Pennsilvaina, L gets his weight in cake, Beyond gets a lifetime supply of strawberry jam, Grimmjow gets a ak47,Ulquioa gets a vodo doll, and Aku gets free access to the magical portal of the grimlins.  
I hope you all enjoy your gifts. And i hope everyone except for light does not die in a random spork related death._

**Aku:** I certainly hope so too.

**L:** ...

**Aku:** What?

**L:** Think about it...

**Aku:** Huh? Um...OH! Ehehe...

**Byakuya:** But how are you going to do it without your Death Note?

**Aku:** My what note?

**Byakuya:** Um, your Death Note...the notebook that kills people...remember?

**Aku:** ...Who are you?

**Byakuya:** -facepalm-

**Shiro:** Don't worry, princess! I gotcha covered!

**Suzaku:** -randomly pops out of nowhere- WHERE IS ZERO?!

**Shiro:** That guy right over there! -points to Light-

**Suzaku:** I WILL AVENGE EUPHIE!!! -flails around searching for a weapon-

**Aku:** Here, use this!

**Suzaku:** A spork?

**Aku:** Are you saying you don't care enough about Euphemia to kill Zero with a spork?

**Suzaku:** Psh. Watch me.

**Light:** -gulp-

(Please forgive that utter nonsense. I've been into CG lately. -_-)

**Aku:** Let's get to the next review already. This is too gory for the rating.

_Emotive Gothika:_

_Yay! Aku-chan is back! *glomps*_

_You now have the same name as Aku from Samurai Jack! LOL_

_Loves ya and ya fic! I loves Ulqui-chan and Ichi-chan and Shiro-chan too! Oh and Grimmy-chan as well! I smell a foursome! LOL_

_Cake for L-chan! An candy apple for Ryuk! And... I don't know what to give to Light-chan... maybe a naked oil-covered L wrapped in ribbons? I so know you're gay for him Imagay! It's canon!_

_And for Aku-chan, here's a Yaoi Note! I loves these because you can make any guy gay and make them do smutty things with each other! Yay Yaoi Notes! Semegami and Ukegami included, pick which one you want XD_

_Loves ya agains! *holds up fingers like a gun* BANG!_

**Aku:** I hope you all realize that he is only called Aku because it means 'evil.' That's not even a real name. At least, not to my knowledge.

**Orihime:** Do you want me to heal Light for you?

**Aku:** Nah. We'll just keep killing people off every chapter until they're all gone. And then the series will end.

**Orihime:** But then no one will want to kill anyone off anymore.

**Aku:** Meh. I can do it myself. Or Suzaku can do it for me with his spork.

**Orihime:** That's a scary thought...

**Suzaku: **Shirley? What are you doing here?

**Orihime:** Uh, I think you're confusing me with someone else... (Don't you dare say they aren't similar.)

**Aku:** Well, since the fic is ending anyway, we may as well bring Beyond back for good.

**Beyond:** Yay!

**Aku:** When did you get here?

**Beyond:** I've always been here.

**Aku:** ...

_Akai-M:_

_I'm kinda new to this... i've never submitted anything for a Q&A before. Oh well. Yours is awesome, and has got me hooked!_

_I can never choose which character to fangirl over! It's awful! For now... I'm in a cat mood so *glomps Grimmjow*. I have too many favorite characters._

_If all the characters had to cosplay, and the Bleach characters had to be people from Death Note, and vice versa, who would they choose?_

_Big loves, and I grant everyone their hearts desire, from M_

_P.S. Hearts desire, eh. Be careful what you wish for, it can backfire. *insert evil Raito laugh here*_

_P.P.S. Join the sparkly vampire haters fanclub!_

**Aku:** Heart's desire? I have no idea what you're talking about...

**Misa:** Misa would cosplay as Orihime!

**Orihime:** Aww, I'd cosplay as you too!

**Near:** Considering the fact that we both look like children and have white hair, I'd probably end up cosplaying Hitsugaya and vice versa.

**Shinji:** If you say I would cosplay as Mello, I'll kill you. I'd rather be Light.

**Aku:** And Light would be...some dead thing...

**Suzaku:** ...This isn't really Zero, is it?

**Grimmjow:** No shit, Sherlock.

**NekoMikami:** Even an infant could have figured that one out.

**Suzaku:** ...

**Aku:** Still not popular with cats, I see.

_Kiyoki Fujimoto97:_

_*Is giggling like an insane psychopath*_

_A-hem, sorry about that. But this has made my day, SO much._

_Anyway, presents! *Grins while holding up a big bag*_

_Aku: You get an oscar for awesomeness, and a god-voucher. Can be used five times. Allows you to become god for a day! Keep it up!_

_NekoMikami: FISH!_

_BLEACH_

_Ulquiorra: A shape-shifting voo-doo doll! You are awesome, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Unleash your inner emo! That was a compliment, by the way._

_Grimmjow: Ah, one of my favourite characters! You, my friend, get a shape-shifting voo-doo doll as well, along with a special addition of playgirl._

_Orihime: ...Go die in a hole. Nah, I'm kidding. You get a framed picture of Ulquiorra and Grimmjow. All your haters are just jealous of your abilities. You are my favourite girl character! ^^ You go girl!_

_Ichigo: You get a bunny suit, and a Byakuya voo-doo doll! FAVOURITE CHARACTER OF ALL TIME! WOT!_

_Byakuya: You get Hisana's spirit to communicate with you for a day. She told me to tell you that she wants to hit you over the head for being cruel to Rukia._

_Shiro: *Grins evilly* You my friend, get handcuffs, ropes, and a closet. Use how you please with berry._

_Matsumoto: Sake, what else?_

_Hitsugaya: A reinforced padlock for above. Keep up your amazing abilities, budster!_

_Can't think of any others, but if there are for Bleach, boxes!_

_DEATH NOTE:_

_L: You get a bunch of cakes, sugar, and berries! No Shiro, don't get jealous. Actual fruit. FAVOURITE DN character!_

_Light: Go. Away. Aku-chan can you hit him over the head for me? Kill him too while your at it._

_Misa: Ditto._

_Mello: 5 trucks of chocolate!_

_Matt: Bunch of games!_

_Near: You get the new transformers transformer! ^^_

_Ryuk: 5 tonnes of apple!_

_Beyond: A shiny kitchen set of knives! *Smiles serenely*_

_Once again, if I missed anyone, they get boxes._

_Can you bring in Matsuda? PLEASE!?!?!?!??!?!?_

_Ja ne!_

**Aku:** Ah, what the hell. What's one more character to kill off?

**Matsuda:** -pops out of nowhere- HEY EVERYBODY! What's wrong with Light?

**Aku:** He got spork'd.

**Suzaku:** ._.;

**Matsuda:** I don't know what that means, but okay! :D

**Matt:** Are we done yet?

**Suzaku:** I'd like to go home now.

**Aku:** You're not going anywhere. I'm keeping you here until the end of the fanfic! :3

**Suzaku:** TT-TT

**Aku:** Take it away, Matty!

**Matt:** The prize for the first reviewer is... -opens envelope- ...a pairing of your choice! Wait, what? I thought we were already doing that!

**Aku:** We were...to a point. But this time, I'll do it whether I ship it or not! I'll even consider -shudders- a _yuri_ pairing.

**Matt:** Well, don't hurt yourself. See you in a month, maybe!


	24. You all got PUNK'D! :3

Heated Debate!

* * *

**Aku:** APRIL FOOLS! AHAHAHAHA!!!

**Suzaku:** That was a cruel trick. The poor readers don't even know how they were being fooled.

**Aku:** Ahem...yes, well...I was getting to that.

**Suzaku:** Sure you were... -eyeroll-

**Aku:** I'm not going to kill off the characters and I never was! It was all a joke! Hahahaha!

**everyone:** -sighs in relief-

**Mello:** Wait, you knew about this?

**Suzaku:** You got a problem?

**Shinji:** Dude...WTF? You're so OOC...

**Suzaku:** That's because--

**Aku:** He's NOT Suzaku! :3

**Not Suzaku:** ...

**Aku:** He's part of my apology for scaring my fans like that. Another character to torture! For your amusement. :D

**Not Suzaku:** First of all, stop using emoticons. It's degenerate. Second, I'm not a character and you can't control me. And third, don't even THINK about it, you insane little witch!

**Aku:** Okay, first: it's my fic, I can do what I want. Second, I didn't mean it like that. I apologize. And third... -thinks about it-

**Not Suzaku:** -is surrounded by a malevolent aura-

**Aku:** Meep! -stops thinking-

**Orihime:** But if you were just kidding, how come Light-kun's still dead and Ulquiorra-san's still gone?

**Aku:** Oh yeah, I forgot. You get to work on Kiraface, I'll get Emo-chan. -pulls out the golden DS-

**Not Suzaku:** -twitches- May I ask where you got that?

**Aku:** Umm...no?

**Not Suaku:** You've been playing in the warehouse again, haven't you?

**Aku:** ...I plead the fifth. -starts pressing buttons and swinging the DS around-

**Matt:** Whoa, whoa! Are you trying to break it?!

-there is a ripping sound-

**Ulquiorra:** -falls out of a tear in space-

**Aku:** I did it!

**Ulquiorra:** Ow...

**Not Suzaku:** Lovely. Now give me the Time-Space Controller so I can return it.

**Aku:** No.

**Not Suzaku:** Aku...

**Aku:** But, but you said I could have anything I wanted from the warehouse! And besides, you took the Spork of Justice, didn't you?

**Not Suzaku:** Er...well, I... -hides bloody spork behind his back-

**Light:** -waking up- Urrgh... -notices Not Suzaku holding the spork- EEK!

**Mello:** -whispering to Matt- What a manly yell...

**Matt:** -tries not to laugh-

**Light:** Get that jumpsuit-wearing freak away from me! -hides-

**Not Suzaku:** Speaking of which, can I take this off now?

**Aku:** Eh? Yeah, sure.

**Not Suzaku:** -reaches behind his head and unzips his face to reveal a blond boy with bunny ears-

**Aku:** Everyone, I'd like you to meet my lovely assistant Frodo (has nothing to do with _Lord of the Rings_, I swear). He's here to help me keep track of everything.

**everyone:** -mutters Hello-

**Aku:** So, Frodo, what am I forgetting?

**Frodo:** Well, I'm still wearing the jumpsuit.

**Aku:** And?

**Frodo: **And it's very uncomfortable. I'd like to change. Now.

**Aku:** Fine. What else?

**Frodo:** Last chapter's prize.

**Aku:** Oh yeah! Someone requested _Sode no Shirayuki _x_ Hyorinmaru_! Toshiro?

**Hitsugaya:** You've got to be kidding me.

**Aku:** Hand it over.

**Hitsugaya:** -grumbling- Here. And it's Captain Hitsugaya, not Toshiro.

**Aku:** Whatever. Frodo, come here.

**Frodo:** -coming out of the bathroom in a t-shirt and jeans- Huh? Why?

**Aku:** It's just for a second.

**Frodo:** ... -goes to stand by the window-

**Aku:** Five...four...three...

**Ichigo:** Oh shi--

**Rukia:** -smashes through window- BUUUUUNNIIIIIIEEEESSSS!!! -tackles Frodo-

**Frodo:** GAH! Get her off me!

**Ikkaku and Byakuya:** -run up and try to hold Rukia down-

**Rukia:** NOOOOO! I MUST HAVE THE BUNNY! LET ME HAVE THE BUNNY!!!

**Frodo:** QAQ

**Aku:** -runs up and steals Sode no Shirayuki-

**Ichigo:** Rukia, look! There's a box of baby bunnies outside on the sidewalk! Someone must've abandoned them!

**L:** -monotone- They must be cold.

**Rukia:** I'LL SAVE YOU, BABY BUNNIES! -smashes through another window-

**Byakuya:** What was I thinking when I adopted her as my sister?

**Aku:** I dunno, maybe you were high.

**Byakuya:** O_O

**Aku:** What?

**Frodo:** Does no one care that I just got scarred for life?

**Aku:** Aw, you poor thing... -hugs Frodo-

**Grimmjow: **Aren't you forgetting something?

**Aku:** Oh yeah! -throws Sode no Shirayuki and Hyorinmaru in a closet and locks it-

**Sode no Shirayuki:** D:

**Hyorinmaru:** :3

**Hitsugaya:** -_-"

**Rangiku:** You kids have fun!

**Frodo:** Have you no shame?

**Rangiku:** Nope!

**Ryuk:** Aren't we forgetting something?

**Near:** Yeah, aren't we gonna do reviews?

**Aku:** Not this time.

**Near:** Why not?

**Aku:** Because! Frodo, what's next?

**Frodo:** I'd like to discuss the reason I'm here.

**Aku:** You're here to help. What's there to discuss?

**Frodo:** Are you sure you're not just shamelessly advertising again?

**Aku:** Why Frodo, whatever do you mean?

**Frodo:** Grr...does this, or does this not, have anything to do with...y'know..._that_?

**Aku:** With what, Frodo dear? I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. :)

**Frodo:** You know what! Stop acting dumb!

**Aku:** -sigh- Spoilsport... Fine. It might have a little, tiny, itty-bitty, teensy-weensie bit to do with..._that_.

**Frodo:** I knew it. Where's the plug?

**Aku:** There is none.

**Frodo:** What? No plug?

**Aku:** Well, I am advertising a _little_ bit. BUT! I am not going to say exactly what it is I'm advertising. If one of my readers is surfing DA and just _happens_ to come across _that_...

**Frodo:** -snort-

**Aku:** --they _might_ recognize you andthink it's cool and interesting, and make it popular. Then even more people will see it and think it's cool, and I'll be the next GDD! Or maybe I'll be like K and N, but one person!

**Frodo:** Knowing you, you'll be more like NGD.

**Aku:** Hey! I like NGD!

**Frodo:** Not the point.

**Aku:** What-fudging-EVER! What's next?

**Frodo:** There is nothing next. We're done.

**Aku:** Oh? Oh. Okay. Matt?

**Matt:** Don't forget that next chapter is karaoke. Review, and see y'all later! Don't hurt us...


	25. spinning the bottle of life

Heated Debate!

* * *

**Aku:** Welcome back, everybody! This is...what, chapter 25?

**Frodo:** I'd hate to see how you live when you move out of your parents' place.

**Aku:** Yeah, well you're gonna find out. You're coming with me. :D

**Frodo:** TAT

**Aku:** So we've only got five more chapters 'till we wrap this up! Let's make it good!

**Ulquiorra:** With you around, how can anything be good?

**Aku:** -evil eye-

**Ulquiorra:** -hides-

**Aku:** Oh, and GUESS WHAT?

**Matsuda: **OMG WHAT? :D

**Aku: **I got my hair cut again!

**Orihime:** But now you look like a boy...

**Aku:** Hmm...I can't honestly say that I care.

**Shinji:** What if we said you look like a lesbian?

**Aku:** Urk...well...nope, still don't care.

**L:** She's a very peculiar girl, isn't she?

**Aku:** What's that supposed to mean?

**L:** Just that you have unusual tastes.

**Frodo:** Says the sugar addict.

**Aku:** Let's do the reviews first, shall we?

_KeiraKat:_

_This is so funny! But I cannot believe you u haven't done Spin-the-bottle yet!__ Pleasse do it! Oh and please have Byakuya play, OK? Pleaseplease? *puppy dog__ eyes* and maybe make him high. and I like having reviews in your debate,__ please keep them? Keep up the great work!_

**Aku:** Hear that, bunny boy? I do _great_ work. :3

**Frodo:** Well, I guess one of us has to.

**Aku:** Lazy rabbit-thing...

**Frodo:** What was that?

**Aku:** Meep! -hides with Ulquiorra-

**NekoMikami:** You're like her babysitter, aren't you?

**Frodo:** Eh. More like the voice in her head, but yeah.

**everyone:** O_O

**Aku:** I swear, I'm not crazy! And he's actually my imaginary friend.

**Matsuda:** I have one of those! :)

**Frodo:** And why are we not surprised?

**Aku:** OMG!

**Frodo:** What?

**Aku:** I forgot the first reviewer prize...

**Frodo: **...Moving on...

_BosBaBe:_

_I HAVE A REQUEST! But it's for a song! Can you please have L and Ulquiorra sing Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus! Please? !It's for Orihime and Misa (even though I don't always support LxMisa, but it would make sense, since Light is so abusive)!_

_Here's a entire strawberry cake for L, a dagger for Light (maybe he can put it somewhere useful *glares at him*), a Xbox for Matt and and a entire Lego set for Near (in all different colors)! Oh, and Mello gets a chacolate bar too! (double deck chocolate! Whoot whoot!)_

_Oh, and bring Ulquiorra back! Please don't hurt him anymore! Be nice to him! (hugs Ulquiorra and kisses his cheek before hugging L as well and giving him another cupcake)_

_My request is for L to kick Light in the face again! :D (oh the pure bliss!)_

**Aku**: Yay! A song request! Oh, and since these are going to be the last five chapters...

**Light**: You're going to stop doing karaoke?

**Aku:** -stabs Light in the forehead- No, I'm going to sing a special song every chapter. Including this one!

**Frodo:** But do I really have to sing too?

**Aku:** Let's take a vote. Everyone who's bitter about having to sing every five chapters and thinks the new guy should sing too, raise your hand!

-everyone except Matsuda, Misa, and Rangiku raise their hands-

**NekoMikami: **Why aren't you guys voting?

**Matsuda:** I haven't had to sing yet.

**Misa and Rangiku:** And we like karaoke!

**Frodo:** Oh come on! Grimmjow, make her stop!

**Grimmjow:** Why me?

**Frodo:** Duh, you're her favorite.

**Aku:** -grins- Were you going to say something, Grimmy?

**Grimmjow:** Erk...no...

**Aku:** Triumph! :D

**Frodo:** -_-"

**Aku:** Oh, and fun fact: L's fighting moves weren't actually based on anything, but later on, they realized that there was a striking similarity to the Brazilian fight-dance capoeira. And apparently, he learned it from Naomi Misora.

_Lady Queria:_

_*runs onto screen panting and dramatically poses*it took me a while but i finally *pant* reached the present chapter! *pause* Hurray! *recovers, nother dramatic pose. pointing into the distance* Onward! L should sing Sky chord by Shion Tsuji._  
_*glomps Light!* don't worry light! I is your fan! *turns to Aku* shame on you, you light haters! without light the world would be... dark... *random lightbulb appears above head!* gasp! If you put an H before your name it would totally be Haku! Trust me i know! I am good at math... I is sorry. I lied. I can't do math. *hangs head* _  
_Oh! everyone else is giving out presents! I wanna give out presents too! _  
_K! I give light a... flash light... yeah. _  
_I give mello an orange!_  
_Ryuk a green apple._  
_Near a... refridgerator box (refridgerator DOES have a D in it!) _  
_Rukia a ping pong paddle._  
_Shinji a chocolate covered Strawberry! _  
_Ulquiorra a hug (*in side head* fan girl squea!)_  
_And L a swivel chair!_

**Aku:** Another one!

**Frodo:** Wait, does she mean Haku from _Naruto_, or Haku from _Spirited Away_?

**Aku:** Well, either way. I luffs dem both. :3

**Frodo:** You're changing your name anyway, right?

**Aku:** Well, yeah, I already did. But I won't start going by "Pixel" until after this thingy is done.

**Mello:** ORANGE? WHAR MAH CHOCOLATE?

**Shinji:** A ch-chocolate-covered strawberry? Is that a pun? -hopes-

**Shiro:** -huggles Ichi protectively-

_Gotta Luv The Name:_

_OMG ONE HUNDRETH REVIEW!_

**Aku:** OMG, YAY! You and KeiraKat both get a lifetime supply of gummy bears!

**Frodo:** Now let's try _not_ being a spaz.

**Aku:** But that's my most endearing characteristic...

**Ichigo:** Can we just get the singing over with?

**Aku:** Aww, I guess so. :(

* * *

**Face Down**

**by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**

**Ulquiorra and L:**

Hey girl, you know you drive me crazy  
One look puts the rhythm in my hand  
Still I'll never understand why you hang around  
I see what's going down

Cover up with make-up in the mirror  
Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again  
You cry alone and then he  
Swears he loves you

Do you feel like a man  
When you push her around?  
Do you feel better now  
As she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you, my friend  
One day, this world's got to end  
As your lies crumble down  
A new life she has found

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect  
Every action in this world will bear a consequence  
If you wade around forever you will surely drown  
I see what's going down

I see the way you go and say you're right again  
Say you're right again  
Heed my lecture

Do you feel like a man  
When you push her around?  
Do you feel better now  
As she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you, my friend  
One day, this world's got to end  
As your lies crumble down  
A new life she has found-

Scream:  
One day she will tell you that she has enough  
It's coming round again  
One day she will tell you that she has enough  
He's coming round again

Do you feel like a man  
when you push her around?  
Do you feel better now  
As she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you, my friend  
One day, this world's got to end  
As your lies crumble down  
a new life she has found-

Face down in the dirt  
She said this doesn't hurt  
She said I've finally had enough  
Face down in the dirt  
She said this doesn't hurt  
She said I've finally had enough

* * *

**Aku:** I feel like I've heard this song before...

**Frodo:** Well, that's what you get for just getting the lyrics and not bothering to listen to it.

**Aku:** Whatevs. We gots more to do.

* * *

**Sky Chord**

**by Tsuji Shion  
**

**L: **sunao na uta ga utaenai /_ I can't sing an honest song_  
kazari tsuketeshimau kara / _Because I end up dressing it up_  
itsu kara konna ni raku ni / _When did I learn to_  
jibun mamoru koto o oboeta no? /_ protect myself so easily?_

koutei kara mieru sora / _From the schoolyard you can see the sky_  
kimi ni wa naniiro ni utsuru? / _What colours affect you?_  
tada masshiro na kumo demo /_ Just pure white clouds but,_  
toki ni makkuro ni kaetaku naru / _In time you'll want them to change to black_

mikkannai sky chord / _Its not enough, sky chord_  
mukashi nara atta no ni / _Even though we met here long ago_  
nakushita sky chord / _I've lost the sky chord_  
dare no sei demo naku jibun / _Its no one's fault but myself_

kitto otona ni naru koto nanka yori / _There must be something more important_  
taisetsu na mono ga aru no / _Than growing up_  
kitto sore o mitsukerannai mama / _While I still can't find that_  
otona ni natte yuku nda / _I'm definitely growing up_

asa made okiteitakatta / _I wanted to stay awake till morning_  
modokashii kodomo no koro / _When I was an impatient child_  
ima wa jikan ni owarete / _Now I'm chasing after time_  
nemuru koto sura dekinai de iru / _If only I could do nothing but sleep_

mikkannai sky chord / _Its not enough, sky chord_  
mukashi nara atta no ni / _Even though we met here long ago_  
nakushita sky chord / _I've lost the sky chord_  
kimi ni oshiete hoshii yo / _I want to teach it to you_

kitto otona ni naru koto nanka yori / _There must be something more important_  
taisetsu na mono ga aru no / _Than growing up_  
kitto sore o mitsukerannai mama / _While I still can't find that_  
otona ni natte yuku nda / _I'm definitely growing up_

zutto kono mama ja irenai tte / _They say it can't be like this forever_  
wakatteru yo arukidase / _I know that, so I start walking_  
sotto nooto ni kaiteta moji wa / _The words I secretly wrote in my notebook_  
kawatte nanka inai no / _Aren't going to change_

kitto otona ni naru koto nanka yori / _There must be something more important_  
taisetsu na mono ga aru no / _Than growing up_  
kitto sore o mitsukerannai mama / _While I still can't find that_  
otona ni natte yuku nda / _I'm definitely growing up_  
kodomo no mama ja irenai / _I can't stay as a child_

* * *

**Aku:** You picked that one just because of the "notebook" line, didn't you?

**Frodo:** Like you've never done the same.

**Aku:** Psh. Warm up your vocal chords, bunny boy. We gots a song to sing for our lovely readers!

* * *

**Alice of Human Sacrifice**

**by Vocaloid**

**Aku: **"Aru tokoro ni, chiisa na yume ga arimashita. / _There once was a little dream._

**Frodo:** Dare ga mita no ka wakaranai, sore wa chiisa na yume deshita. / _No one knows who had dreamt it. It was really such a small dream._

**Misa: **Chiisa na yume wa omoimashita. Kono mama kiete iku no wa iya da. Dousureba, hito ni boku o mite moraeru darou. / _This made the little dream think. "I don't want to disappear. How can I make people dream me?"_

**Near: **chiisa na yume wa kangaete kangaete, soshite tsui ni omoitsukimashita. /_ The little dream thought, and at last had an idea._

**Hitsugaya: **Ningen o jibun no naka ni mayoikomasete, sekai o tsukurasereba ii to." / _"I will make people come to me, and they will make my world."_

**Aku: **Ichi-banme Alice wa isamashiku / _The first Alice was a gallant red one,_  
ken wo katate ni fusugi no kuni / _wielding a sword in the Wonderland._  
ironna monowo kiri sutete / _Slicing down everything in her way,_  
makkana michiwo siite itta / _she was followed by a bloody red path_.  
sonna Alice wa morino oku / _This new Alice deep in the woods_  
tsumibito no youni tojikome rarete / _was trapped as a wanted fugitive._  
morini dekita michi igai ni / _If it weren't for the red path that she made,_  
kanojyono seiwo siru subewa nashi / _No one would think that she even existed._

**Frodo:**  
Ni-banme Alice wa otonashiku / _The second Alice was a fragile blue one._  
utawo utatte fushigi no kuni / _He sang to the world in the Wonderland,_**  
**ironna otowo afure sasete / _filling regions with so many false created notes_  
kurutta sekaiwo umidasita / _that were of a crazy blue world._  
sonna Alice wa barano hana / _This new Alice was that of a rose._  
ikareta otoko ni uchi korosarete / _He was shot and killed by a madman._  
makkana hanawo ichi-rin sakase / _It left a flower blooming sadly red._  
minnani mederare karete-yuku / _The one who was loved was now forgotten._

**Misa:**  
San-banme Alice wa osanai ko / _The third Alice was a little green one,_  
kireina sugatade fushigino kuni / _very cute and dear in the Wonderland._  
ironna hitowo madowase te / _She charmed people to her every beck and call._  
okashina kuniwo tsukuri-ageta / _She had made a strange green country._  
sonna Alice wa kunino jyoou / _This new Alice was the country's queen,_  
ibitsuna yume ni tori-tsukare te / _taken over by a distorted dream._  
kuchiyuku karadani obie nagara / _She was afraid of losing to death._  
kunino chouten ni kunrin suru / _She would forever rule her country._

**Near: **Morino komichi wo tadottari / _During this two children went into the woods._

**Hitsugaya: **Barano kino sitade ocha-kai / _They had a tea party under rose trees._

**Near: **Oshiro karano shoutai-jyou wa / _An invitation from the castle for them was..._

**Hitsugaya: **Haato no / _...the trump card..._

**Near and Hitsugaya:**  
toranpu / _...of Hearts._  
Yon-banme Alice wa futago no ko / _The fourth Alice was two siblings._  
Koukishin kara fushigino kuni / _Their curiosity in the Wonderland,_  
Ironna tobirawo kuguri nukete / _going through many different doors,_  
Tsui sakki yatte kita bakari / _coming not too long ago in a yellow boat._

**Near: **Kino tsuyoi ane to / _The stubborn big sister..._

**Hitsugaya: **Kashikoi otouto / _...and smart little brother..._

**Near: **Ichi-ban Alice ni / _...though they were the closest..._

**Near and Hitsugaya:**  
Chika-katta kedo / _...to Alice's Wonderland,_  
Futarino yume wa samenai mama / _they were never woken from their deep dreaming._  
Fushigi no kuni wo samayotta / _Forever they wandered in the Wonderland._

* * *

**Aku:** I know the translation's a little off, but oh well. I love that song!

**Frodo:** I don't know why, it's freakin' crazy.

**Aku:** That's why!

**Frodo:** Of course. -_-

**Ryuk:** If Frodo wasn't here, who would've sung the blue part?

**Aku:** I dunno, probably either you or L. Maybe Byakuya...?

**Byakuya:** I don't sing.

**Rangiku:** Oh come on, I bet you'd be a great singer!

**Byakuya:** ...

**Aku:** We're almost done! Spin-the-Bottle time!

**Ichigo:** What? You mean we really have to?

**Aku:** Yep. You go first. :3

**Ichigo:** ... -spins bottle-

-it lands on Hitsugaya-

**Shiro:** Oh, hell no! -attacks Hitsugaya-

**Hitsugaya:** TAT

**Aku:** Erm...Rangiku?

**Rangiku:** X3 -spins bottle-

-it lands on Ryuk-

**Rangiku:** O_O

**Aku:** Oh come on, you know you want to.

**Rangiku:** NOOO!

**Ryuk:** Um, I'm not supposed to have that kind of relationship with a human anyway...

**Aku:** But Rangie's a...you know what, never mind. You're exempt.

**Rangiku:** -sighs in relief-

**Aku:** Bya-kuuuuun...

**Byakuya:** No.

**Aku:** You have to.

**Byakuya:** I'm not going to do it, and nothing you say will make me change my mind.

**Aku:** Psh, you're just afraid of kissing a guy.

**Byakuya:** What? Am not!

**Aku:** Yes you aaaare...

**Byakuya:** I'm not afraid, I just don't want to.

**Aku:** Chyeah, right. You're so deep in the closet, you've stumbled into Narnia.

**Byakuya:** ...if I'm going to lose my honor either way, I'd rather not.

**Aku:** Spoilsport. Light's turn!

**Light:** -spins bottle-

-it lands on L-

**L:** -monotone- There is a 95% chance that you set that up. -kicks Light in the face (just for you, BosBaBe!)-

**Light:** QAQ

**Aku:** lol, he didn't.

**Frodo:** ...

**Aku:** :3

**Frodo:** O...kay...it's your turn.

**Aku:** Hee hee! -spins bottle-

-it lands on Grimmjow-

**Aku:** SQUEE! -glomps-

**Frodo:** Can we end this now? Please?

**Matt:** Remember to review, people.

**Aku:** And don't forget, every chapter we have a special song sung by me and Frodo to show how extra-special you all are!

**Matt:** Hold on, I thought I was supposed to end the chapters?

**Aku:** Yeah, but I wanted to do it.

**Matt:** Well, don't!

**Aku:** Too bad!

**Frodo:** Dude, just let her-

**Matt:** No! It's _my_ job!

**Aku:** -sticks out tongue-

**Frodo:** AUGH! This chapter's prize is a chewed-up dog toy. Now turn off your computer and go read a book!

**Aku and Matt:** HEY!


	26. Subliminal Advertising: FAILED

Heated Debate!

* * *

**Aku:** Wassup, wassup, y'all? I'm back in the game!

**Frodo:** Finally...

**Aku:** Y'know, that name of yours is starting to worry me...maybe I should call you by your full name instead?

**Frodo:** No way. This one's embarrassing enough.

**Aku:** Hmph. Well, anyway, I have to apologize to my readers.

**Frodo:** Oh god, what did you do this time...?

**Aku:** Funny story, really...I said that Beyond would be joining us permanently, but...eh heh...I forgot to put him in the last two chapters.

**Beyond:** Who did you forget?

**Aku:** WAUGH! When did you get here?

**Beyond:** I've always been here.

**Frodo:** Uh...

**Beyond: **It's a serial killer thing.

**Frodo:** Of course how stupid of me...-sweat-

**Mello:** EXCUSE ME? WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DISCUSS!

**Aku:** Yeah? Like what?

**Mello:** YOU CHEATED ON US AGAIN!

**Aku:** Pff. I did not.

**Shiro:** Oh yeah? Then how do you explain...THIS? -holds up a manga volume-

**Aku:** Ah! That is...I was just...WELL IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO CHEAT ON YOU, THEN WHY DON'T YOU START DOING SOMETHING COOL FOR ONCE?

**Shiro:** WHAT? WE'RE ALWAYS COOL!

**Byakuya:** Calm down, people...you're annoying.

**Frodo:** Oi...can we just get to the reviews already? We seem to fight less.

**Aku:** But it's fun... O3O

_Lady Queria:_

_Frodo is really funny... and so abusive. he would probably get along well with__ the voices in my head... well maybe just two of them. the third doesn't really__ have much iq so none of my voices really like her... anyways! Thanks for__ another funny chapter ^_^ hehe, frodo. *giggle* "Quick! to mount__ DOOOOOOOoooooommmmmmm!_

_... sorry._

_lq_

**Aku: **I...uh...

**everyone:** ._.;

**Frodo:** What the F* was that?

**Aku:** I don't know...

**Matt:** Maybe it has something to do with LotR?

**Frodo:** Ohoho, it better not!

**Aku:** Ahaha, Fro-chan, you're so uptight!

**Frodo:** Wh...FRO-CHAN?

**Aku:** Well, you hate your name and your full name, so...

**Frodo:** Let's just stick with Frodo...at least...for the time being...

**Aku:** Oh, yeah, that reminds me...FIRST REVIEWER PRIZE!

**Matt:** -tosses Lady Queria an old squeaky toy-

**Grimmjow:** I will never understand what goes on in your head.

**Aku:** Not if I can help it.

_valley of the dead oaks:_

_the links in chapter 12 didn't work for me..._

**Aku:** Well, I just hope you've realized by now that those weren't links.

**Frodo:** Hey, you shouldn't bully your reviewers like that.

**Aku:** Pff.

**Beyond:** What she said.

**Frodo:** You stay out of this.

_TheWiccanKitsune:_

_Hey! Don't be mean to Ulqui-chan any more! *glomps ulqui* He is mine !XD_

_gives L some strawberry cheesecake i love u 2 L-kun!_

_gives Orihime a cookbook_

_gives everyone else chocolate pie!XD_

_Drags Ulqui-chan to my house to show him an awsome poster of him* see__ Ulqui-chan is still my fav!_

**Ulquiorra:** I don't wanna go...

**Orihime:** Normal recipes are so boring, though.

**Aku:** I just remembered something else! People, people, may I have your attention, please?

**xxxPUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTxxx**

**...okay, not really.**

**Aku: **The series that I...ehem..."cheated" with this time is called _Katekyo Hitman Reborn!_, or _Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn!_, or just _Reborn!_

**Frodo:** Get to the point, you're boring them.

**Aku:** Meanie...Anyhoo, now that OneManga's been taken down, a lot of people have been unable to enjoy their favorite manga that aren't available in America.

**Frodo:** Or, like _Reborn!_, it may just have super-crappy translation.

**Aku:** Seriously! I mean, how did we go from "dying will" to "deathperation"?

**Frodo:** Back on topic...

**Aku:** Oh yeah! Well, never fear-there are still some scanlation sites that are still up and running, and YouTube's even got manga now!

**Frodo:** Not that you should necessarily trust YouTube...

**Aku:** Would you shut up already?

**Frodo:** Okay, okay, sorry.

**Aku:** Aaanyway, if you like shonen manga and bishies, or just bishies-

**Frodo:** Or just shonen manga.

**Aku:** -glare-

**Frodo:** -shuts up-

**Aku:** If you do, you should totally read this one! It's got fire, and explosions, and fighting, and bishies...

**Frodo:** ...

**Aku:** Okay, you can talk now.

**Frodo:** Some people may already read this...

**Aku:** I know! I'm addressing all the ones who don't.

**Frodo:** Oh.

**Aku:** If you haven't read this already, then you totally should! Just sayin'!

**xxxEND LAME ANNOUNCEMENT THINGYxxx**

**Orihime:** I don't know...it sounds kinda violent...

**Aku:** Oh don't worry, it totally is. Hey, you and Bianchi should totally have a cook-off!

**everyone:** -spits up a little-

**Beyond:** Hey, you haven't used all the characters yet...

**Aku:** I don't care, I'm tired.

**Frodo:** And I'm too tired to sing...

**Aku:** ...

**Frodo:** ...

**Aku:** ...Oh, FINE.

* * *

**You've Got a Friend in Me**

**Aku:** You've got a friend in-MMGPH!

* * *

**Frodo:** You are NOT singing that.

**Aku:** Cool your jets, bunny-boy. I was just kidding. Here's the real song:

* * *

**Through the Fire and the Flames  
by Dragonforce**

**Aku:**

On a cold winter morning  
In the time before the light  
In flames of Death's eternal rain  
We ride towards the fight  
When the darkness is falling down  
And the times are tough all right  
The sound of evil laughter  
Falls around the world tonight  
Fighting hard, fighting on for the steel  
Through the wastelands evermore  
The scattered souls will feel the hell  
Bodies wasted on the shores

On the blackest plains in Hell's domain  
We watch them as they go  
In fire and pain, now once again we know

So now we fly ever free,  
We're free before the thunderstorm  
On towards the wilderness  
Our quest carries on  
Far beyond the sundown, far beyond the moonlight  
Deep inside our hearts and all our souls

So far away we wait for the day  
For the light source so wasted and gone  
We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days  
Through the fire and the flames we carry on

As the red day is dawning  
And the lightning cracks the sky  
They will raise their hands to the heavens above  
With resentment in their eyes  
Running back through the midmorning light  
There's a burning in my heart  
We're banished from a time in a fallen land  
To a life beyond the stars

In your darkest dreams you still believe  
Our destiny this time  
And endlessly we'll all be free tonight

And on the wings of a dream so far beyond reality  
All alone in desperation, now that time has come  
Lost inside you'll never find, lost within my own mind  
Day after day this misery must go on

So far away we wait for the day  
For the light source so wasted and gone  
We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days  
Through the fire and the flames we carry on

- long-ass pause -

Now here we stand with their blood on our hands  
We fought so hard now can we understand  
I'll break the seal of this curse if I possibly can  
For freedom of every man

So far away we wait for the day  
For the light source so wasted and gone  
We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days  
Through the fire and the flames we carry on

* * *

**Aku: **Whoo! That's an awesome song!

**Frodo:** Uh...yeah...really.

**Aku:** Take it away, Matt!

**Matt:** Right. First rev-

**Frodo:** HOLD IT, HOLD THE PHONE! Didn't you have something else to say?

**Aku:** UUGH, you are SO bitchy today! Hn. Well, the thing I was subliminally advertising for with Frodo...? Not happening.

**Frodo:** Meaning I may as well not even exist.

**Aku:** Well, you don't but...

**Frodo:** Whatever. I'm done.

**Aku:** -sigh- Matt?

**Matt: **First reviewer gets a plushie of their favorite character...but the catch is, it can't be from _Bleach_ or _Death Note_. -evil grin-


	27. Merry Pixelmas, one and all!

Heated Debate!

* * *

**Aku: **Yo, wassup peeps? Holy crap, it has been forever since I last updated.

**Frodo:** Yeah, at least since Halloween.

**Aku:** Does anyone remember the last time we updated?

**everyone:** -looks around confused-

**Aku:** -sigh- And to top it all off, I'm not used to being called Aku anymore.

**Frodo:** At least it'll be over soon.

**Aku:** Not too soon, I hope. Oh, that reminds me!

**Frodo:** Oh dear god, no.

**Light:** Sorry, can't help you.

**Frodo:** ...

**Aku:** I'm not the only one who's had a name change!

**Frodo: **And I suppose I'm partially to blame for this...

**Aku:** You're totally to blame! We could handle the LotR refs, but he kept bitching about it so we changed his name to-

**Fido:** Don't you-oh, someone please kill her. -_-

**Aku:** Seriously? It isn't any better than it was before?

**Fido:** Am I a dog now?

**Byakuya:** -ahem-

**Aku:** Oh, right.

_TheWiccanKitsune:_

_aww plushies idk if im the first reviewer but my fav character is Zoro from OnePiece. *smiles* Try... i don't know a good song.. *sobs* maybe... make Ulqui-chan sing boulevard of broken dreams.. maybe...? idk! *goes to ulquis emo corner.._

**Aku:** Ooh! Zoro is so cool! :D Fido, go fetch the plushie box!

**Fido:** Do NOT tell me to fetch!

**Aku:** All right, geez, it was just a joke. -goes to get the plushie box-

**Mello:** Hey, emo. Someone's in your corner.

**Ulquiorra:** I know. It better be sanitized when I get back.

**Aku:** -returns with the plushie box- Okay, let's see what we got here...

**Matt: **-pulls out a Mario plushie- You must have every kind of plushie ever made in here...

**Aku:** Just about. :)

**Fido:** -pulls out a Tighten plushie- O_O

**Aku:** ...Oh come on, I loved that movie! I got him with the set!

**Fido:** There's a set?

**Matt:** There isn't a set.

**Aku:** There is in my world, so there.

**Near: **Found it! Also, can I have this one of the Hulk?

**Aku:** Eh...sure, go ahead. -gives TheWiccanKitsune the Zoro plushie-

_xXulquigirlXx:_

_OMFG! a chapter! -dies-_

_Just gotta say, I've recently started loving Beyond 3 He's super smart. :D_

_But my heart will always belong to Ulquiorra 3 3 3_

_And Belphegor from KHR! 3 PRINCE THE RIPPER! 3_

**Beyond:** Why, yes I am.

**Aku:** Eek! Stop doing that!

**Beyond:** No. :)

**Ulquiorra:** Will someone please tell her I don't want her heart?

**Fido:** You'd rather have Orihime's?

**Ulquiorra:** ...Yes.

**everyone:** Aaw!

**Grimmjow:** Pff.

**Aku:** Okay, moving on.

_Emotive Gothika:_

_OMG! You read KHR too? I'm totally OBSESSED with that series!_

_1827 forever! (That's Hibari and Tsuna XP)_

_And everyone hates Shimon! I know because I have a dare fanfic where everyone tortures the Shimon family... especially Adelheid and her giant hooters... I wonder if she got lost on her way to Bleach? LMAO_

_ANYWAY! *hugs Ulquiorra* You should get together with Ichigo! *runs before she gets hit*_

_Flame rings for everyone! I don't know what kind of flames they would get, but I'll leave that up to you Aku-san! Oh and box animals too!_

_I love Katekyo Hitman Reborn... I must be cheating on my other favorite series' as well... but I don't care because it's awesome! XD_

_Ja ne! *leaves in a flurry of flames*_

**Rangiku:** lol...hooters.

**Aku:** Shut up! GAWD, you are so annoying!

**Light:** Am not!

**Ulquiorra and Ichigo:** -mouths gaping, eyes twitching-

**Aku:** You heard the lady!

**Ulquiorra:** Uh...hell no?

**Aku:** -pouty face- Oh well. Here's your ring. It's Thunder, of course.

**Ulquiorra:** Oh yay. I'm the same as that cow.

**Aku:** HEY! I like that cow.

**Mello:** What about the rest of us?

**Aku:** You were already in the mafia. If you don't have one yet, you probably never will.

**Mello:** :(

**Fido:** She's kidding. Pi-I mean, Aku, give him the ring.

**Aku:** Spoilsport. Fine. Here's your Storm ring.

**Mello:** SWEET!

**Aku:** L and Beyond both get Rain rings, Near gets a Mist ring, Light gets a Cloud ring, Misa gets...

**Misa:** Ooh! Can Misa have a Sky ring?

**Aku:** ...No. :(

**Misa:** Aw.

**Aku:** Misa can have...Forest.

**Fido:** A flame of Earth? Can you do that?

**Aku:** It's my fic.

**Fido:** ... -shrugs- Who's next?

**Matsuda:** Me me! What kind of ring do I get?

**Aku:** I don't think it would be wise to give an idiot like Matsuda a flame ring.

**Fido:** Agreed. Uh...Your ring is special. It's not kept here, but I can go get it.

**Matsuda:** Okay! :D

**Fido:** First, let me borrow 25 cents.

**Matsuda: **Huh?

**Aku:** Ryuk and Matt get Sun rings...

**Ryuk:** Why Sun?

**Aku:** I dunno. Why not Sun?

**Ryuk:** ...I dunno.

**Aku:** That's it for Death Note...

**Ichigo:** I'm the hero, so I get a Sky ring, right?

**Aku:** No. Rain ring for you.

**Ichigo:** -raegface-

**Shiro:** Same for me?

**Aku:** 'Fraid so.

**Shiro:** I can live with that.

**Byakuya:** This is moronic...

**Aku:** Well, I _was_ gonna give you a Sky ring...

**Byakuya:** Me?

**Aku:** But I don't think you deserve it now. :P

**Byakuya:** D: No, wait...I'm sorry. May I please have my ring?

**Aku:** ...Oh, all right. Here ya go.

**Byakuya:** :3

**Aku:** Grimmjow gets a Storm ring, Orihime gets a Sun ring, Shinji gets a Mist ring, Rangiku-

**Rangiku:** :D

**Aku:** ...Rangiku gets a Cloud ring. Who am I forgetting?

**Hitsugaya:** Me.

**Ikkaku:** And me!

**Aku:** Oh, right. Hitsu gets Glacier and Ikky gets Storm.

**Ikkaku:** Ikky? D:

**Hitsugaya:** What about all the other people that appeared?

**Aku:** Right...Momo gets...Storm, I guess. Rukia can have Rain or something. Renji...hmm...

**Hitsugaya:** What's wrong?

**Aku:** I'm tempted to give him a Mist ring, just because of the pineapple.

**Mello:** -snorts-

**Aku:** Eh. He can have Sun. Godzilla gets a Mountain ring, and C.C. and I get Mist.

**Fido:** I'm back!

**Matsuda:** YAY! :D

**Fido:** You get a plastic ring.

**Matsuda:** Plastic? Is that one of the Earth flames?

**Fido:** Uh...sure. Why not?

**Aku:** Is it?

**Fido:** -shrugs- Probably not. But we've only seen, what? Three? Four? Who knows what the others are.

_Lady Queria:_

_Not from Bleach or deathnote?...! what kind of a prize is that! mwaha! *catches squeaky toy* Yatta! ... What the heck kind of word is Squeak anyway! there is like three vowels and then it has the letters q and k in it! I mean really! it's hardly logical! you know thinking back I don't think the main characters of either series showed up in this chapter!_

_btw XD I would love to see some ichihitsu in one of the future chapters! and everyone gets hotchocolate! yes it is one word! i don't care what the dictionary says! it's wrong!_

_lq_

**Aku:** -is surrounded by an evil aura-

**Fido:** Ack! Take that back!

**Aku:** -still angry- Never, EVER say that the dictionary is wrong!

**Fido:** Come on, you've said it yourself! It's just hot chocolate!

**Near:** Everybody gets one.

**Aku:** -calms down- I don't like hot chocolate.

**Fido:** You don't have to drink it!

_eaterofbabies:_

_Alright, so every time i read a chapter i end up madly giggling to the pointmof suffocation and death :\_

_To make up for my 26 losses of life, i have a request? :O_

_Add Matsuda xO (if only for one chapter) and let him annoy Light!_

_Speaking of which, Why are you soo mean to Raito? :S He's so adorable in the mangas xD (gives light consume flavored potatoe chips... and a gremlin :D)_

_unt now for presents :D_

_For Aku, i have this uraneum bomb :D (Don't ask where i got it...) For L, I have this tea flavored sugar :D For Grimmjow, i give you ichigo... To do with what you will o.e_

_I also have this here chocolate, finger puppets, apples, jar of sand, skateboard, hitler doll, and little girl. (She lost her mom in a tragic bazooka accident and needs a family, and what better family than this one![?])_

_And Orihime..._

_NO ONE LOVES YOU! :[_

_Danke, fraulein ^-^_

**Aku:** LIES! I love you_,_ Hime. :)

**Misa:** Me too.

**Rangiku:** Aww, group hug!

-like, half the cast hugs Orihime-

**Grimmjow: **-evil smirk-

**Ichigo:** Please don't kill me. D:

**Fido:** What are we going to do about this girl?

**girl:** -smiles shyly-

**Aku:** Aww, let's keep her.

**Fido:** We can't! How are we supposed to take care of her?

**Aku:** Hm, that's a good point. What do children eat?

**Fido:** Wh-wait, what?

**Near:** Uh, I think you have more immediate problems.

**Byakuya:** This place isn't exactly safe for kids.

-everyone glances around at the unsheathed swords and assorted other weapons lying randomly on the floor-

**Aku:** I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.

**Rangiku:** Aw, she's adorable. Tell Auntie Rangiku your name?

**girl:** Mommy called me Phoebe.

**everyone:** O_O

**Aku:** Phoebe? What kind of name is that?

**girl:** Mommy said it was a fake name, but she never told me what my real one was.

**Fido:** Hm. You think she was on the run from some kind of criminal organization?

**Aku:** Ooh, how exciting! But you need a better name than Phoebe.

**Fido:** Maybe I should name her...

**Aku:** What? You don't like my names?

**Fido:** Let's take a look at all the names you've come up with yourself over the past few years: Ion, Sharrk, Avin, Zombi, Len and Nel, X, Magnus, Raine, Spazzy...need I go on?

**Aku:** What's wrong with those names?

**Fido:** They're weird!

**Aku:** They're unique!

**Byakuya:** All right, break it up, you two!

**Aku:** Those names give the characters a sense of identity! Besides, I'm getting better!

**Fido:** Giving 99 characters names that correspond to their numbers?

**Aku:** I had a reason for that and you know it! And that's not what I was referring to!

**Fido:** What were you referring to, then?

**Aku:** Is John Kimbel a weird name? How about Elizabeth Darke? Or Elliot and Melinda?

**Fido:** The first two are from a story that hasn't even gotten past the first chapter, and the others are from a fanfic you probably won't even write!

**Aku:** I might! I just have other stuff to take care of first!

**Beyond:** Come on guys, this chapter is already well over two thousand words and we haven't even started singing yet! How long do you want this to drag on?

**Aku:** -glares at Fido-

**Fido:** -glares back- ...Oh, FINE! You can name her!

**Aku:** Huzzah! -turns to girl- All right, your name is...Kikyo!

**L:** Kikyo? After the preistess on _Inuyasha_?

**Beyond: **Or that one guy from KHR?

**Aku:** No! I don't name anyone after anyone! Kikyo means 'disaster.' That's why.

**Fido:** And that's just soooo fitting for a little girl.

**Aku:** Shut up. -punches Fido in the arm-

**Fido:** Ow! -punches back-

**Beyond:** Okay, this is getting stupid. I'm hijacking the fic until these two shut up, and I say it's karaoke time!

* * *

**Boulevard of Broken Dreams**

**By Green Day**

**Ulquiorra:**

I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line  
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines  
What's fucked up and everything's alright  
Check my vital signs  
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone  
I walk a...

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone...

* * *

**Shiro:** -sniffle- That was so beautiful, Emocar.

**Shinji:** Wow, I didn't think you could sing with feeling. And I was right.

**Ulquiorra:** Shut up... -goes to sulk in emo corner-

**Beyond:** -glances over to Aku and Fido- They're still fighting.

**Kikyo:** I guess I should get used to this?

**Beyond:** It'd probably be a good idea.

**Shinji:** Is the chapter over?

**Ikkaku:** Finally, we can go home!

**Aku:** Oh no you don't! We still have a song to sing!

**Fido:** I'll sing this one.

**Aku:** What? No, you wouldn't sing last chapter, you don't get to sing now!

**Beyond:** Oh for god's sakes, sing it together why don't you!

**Light:** Hey, I had nothing to do with this!

**Beyond:** -goes to stab Light-

**Light:** Eep! -hides his face behind potato chip bag-

* * *

**Let it Rock**

**by Kevin Rudolf (ft. Lil' Wayne)  
**

**Aku and Fido:**

I see your dirty face  
Hide behind your collar  
What is done in vain  
Truth is hard to swallow  
So you pray to God  
To justify the way you  
Live a lie  
Live a lie  
Live a lie

And you take your time  
And you do your crime  
Well you made your bed  
I'm in mine

Because when I arrive  
I, I bring the fire  
Make you come alive  
I can take you higher  
What this is, forgot  
I must now remind you  
Let it rock  
Let it rock  
Let it rock

Now the son's disgraced  
He, who knew his father  
When he cursed his name  
Turned and chased the dollar  
But it broke his heart  
So he stuck his middle finger  
To the world  
To the world  
To the world

And you take your time  
And you stand in line  
Well you'll get what's yours  
I got mine

Becuase when I arive  
I, I bring the fire make you come alive  
I can take you higher  
What this is, forgot  
I must now remind you  
Let it rock  
Let it rock  
Let it rock

Yeah!  
Wayne's World  
Planet rock  
Panties drop  
And the top  
And she gonna rock till the cameras stop  
I sing about angels like Angela  
(Rock)  
And Pamela (Rock)  
And Samantha (Rock)  
And Amanda and Tamera  
Menage a mois  
I'm in here like bitch was up?  
Mechanic me, I can fix you up  
I can dick you up  
I can dick you down  
Shawty we can go whereever  
Just pick a town  
And my jewelry is louder than an engine sound  
Big ass rocks like on the ground  
Dirty like socks that's on the ground...  
Weezy

Because when I arrive  
I, I bring the fire  
Make you come alive  
I can take you higher  
What this is, forgot  
I must now remind you  
Let it rock  
Let it rock  
Let it rock

Just let it rock  
Let it rock  
Let it rock  
Let it rock

I'm back like I forgot sumthin  
I'm sumthin  
Rollin rock-rubbin rap-runnin  
Miles like it's tryna get a flat stomach  
Like Wayne a personal trainer  
My aim is perfect, I'll bang ya  
Period like the remainder

And I wish I could be  
As cool as you  
And I wish I could say  
The things you do  
But I can't and I won't live a lie  
No not this time

* * *

**Aku:** For all the little kids in the readership, this is what real-life men are like.

**Fido:** -covers Kikyo's ears-

**Aku:** And now...it's the end of the chapter!

**Ikkaku:** FINALLY!

**Aku:** One more thing, though...Merry Pixelmas!

**everyone:** O_O

**Fido:** It's our birthday.

**everyone:** Ohh...

**Aku: **Pretty clever, no?

**Fido:** I still don't see why it can't be Fidomas...

**Aku:** -sticks tongue out-

**Matt:** Okay, we've only got a few chapters left so let's make 'em memorable! First reviewer next chapter gets...one of Aku's artworks of whatever they want!

**Aku:** Within reason, of course. ...Holy crap, this chapter's almost four thousand words long!

**Matt:** No way?

**Fido:** Wait, wait...you're giving a drawing as a prize?

**Aku:** Why not? It's good practice.

**Fido:** They don't even know if you're good or not!

**Aku:** I am! If I concentrate and have patience, I can make something awesome! I just...

**Fido:** ...don't usually exercise patience?

**Aku:** ...I can try...

**Matt: **Okay, everyone review time!

**Kikyo:** Review or I'll cry!


	28. Doing the ChaCha on a Computer Near You

Heated Debate!

* * *

**Matsuda:** HAY YOU GAIZ-!

**Mello:** QUIET! Can't you see we're being mad at the author right now?

**Matsuda:** Huh? Why?

**Mello:** She cheated on us again!

**Shinji:** And with another American show!

**Byakuya:** I...don't think it even counts as cheating anymore...

**Mello:** What do you mean?

**Byakuya:** Well, she's kind of...quit reading-

**Shinji:** SHE WHAT?

**Matsuda:** Hey guys!

**Beyond:** Well, the new Bleach arc sucks anyway*. You can't really blame her.

**Shinji:** Watch me. -blames Aku-

**Matsuda:** Rangiku's taking her top off!

-silence-

**Matsuda: **Finally! How come you guys never pay attention to me?

**L:** You never have anything intelligent to say.

**Matsuda:** Takes one to know one!

**L:** What?

**Matsuda:** Nothing. But I found this letter!

_Dear playthings,_

_Fido and I will be gone for most of this chapter. We have some...real estate issues to deal with. And we traded the girl in for another imaginary friend. I don't know if I'll let you meet him or not. He's kinda...never mind. Anyway, we'll probably be back before karaoke, so try not to do anything stupid. Also, Matsuda's in charge._

_Go ahead and read the reviews today. Just don't start another war. Here in the _Heated Debate!_ we believe in peace! And chocolate. :3_

**Mello:** CHOCOLATE!

**Shinji:** Shut up, I'm not done reading!

_The prizes-yes, that's plural-for last chapter will be given by me personally through private messages. I'm sorry it took so long, but you know. I've got all my excuses organized in nice, neat rows and color-coded. It would be a shame to mess them up now._

_And at the end of the chapter, I've got a special surprise for all my KHR-reading...uh...readers!_

_I just ran out of things to say._

_Wait, no I didn't._

_Yes I did._

_With love, your Supreme Overlord_

_Pixelated Bloodbath  
aka Aku_

**Matsuda:** Yay! I'm in charge!

**Shinji****:** Oh hell no! I'm taking over!

**Matsuda:** Help! Mutiny!

**Light:** I refuse to star in a fanfiction being directed by you!

-big fight breaks out-

**Rangiku:** Now might be a good time to start reading reviews.

**Byakuya:** Ri - ...you actually took it off?

**Rangiku:** Mebbe. :3

_xXulquigirlXx:_

_Ulquiorra SINGING! Ahh, Brings tears to my eyes... In a good way, Very emotional -nods head-_

_If.. If.. If Ulquiorra doesn't want my heart (IT'S TASTY! I PROMISE) [plus, I'm pro-UlquiHime~~! GO GET HIM 'HIME!] then Beyond can have it... _

_PREPARE CHEESY PICKUP(?) LINE (Beyond style)!= Heart's are like Jam, Care to taste it? xP_

_Or even Grimmjow~ -ANYONE CARE FOR A PURE EVIL HEART!_

_And.. Uh.. Merry Pixelmas to you too... _

_P.S. And I have to say, Daemon Spade from KHR! looks mighty hot too! -dreams about all of the sexy bishies-_

**Matsuda:** The first reviewer, people!

- applause-

**Matsuda:** She has won... -opens envelope- ...a Mukuro chibi!

**Ulquiorra:** STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! -cries and runs into the closet-

**Beyond:** Pickup line? -thinks- How about this? "That shirt looks great on you, but it would look even better in an evidence bag."

**everyone:** -eye twitch-

**Mello:** That was terrible.

**Beyond: **"Will you run away from me somewhere romantic?"

**Near:** I don't want to hear this. OAO -covers ears-

**Beyond:** "Are you lightheaded? 'Cause you've been gushing blood in my mind all night long."

**Misa:** Somebody make him stop!

**Beyond: **"Is there a mirror in your stomach? 'Cause I can see myself playing in your entrails."

**Shinji:** OH MY GOD STOP!

**Light:** Hey, I wasn't doing anything!

**Orihime: **-cautiously knocks on the closet door- Ulquiorra? Please come out now, I'm scared.

**Grimmjow:** H-hey, don't worry, I'll protect you Hime!

**Beyond: **BOO!

**everyone: **EEEEK!

**Grimmjow:** What the hell man! You nearly gave me a coronary!

**Beyond: **That's dead person for "I love you."

**Grimmjow: **Oh. Uh... -pokes Hime-

**Orihime: **Hmm?

**Grimmjow: **Boo?

**Orihime: **-giggles-

**Matsuda:** Aww...

**Rangiku:** -elbow jab-

**Matsuda:** Huh? Oh, right!

_TheWiccanKitsune:_

_Its me again!_

_If you want to try yor hand at drawing can yo draw me a Hibari chibi or Tsuna chibi from KHR _

_I abslutly love them_

_And heres a gift: 3 wishes from a magical genie name Sham!_

**Matsuda:** The second reviewer!

-applause-

**Matsuda:** Because she and xXulquigirlXx reviewed near-simultaneously, TheWiccanKitsune gets the second place prize... -opens envelope- ...a Hibari chibi!

**Rangiku:** Hmph. Lucky.

**Matsuda: **And that's all the prizes we have...uh...next review!

_Dead Crayons:_

_OH GOSH :D_

_I didn't actually think you would use mine P: (eaterofbabies)_

_I officially love you... in a way that isn't really socially acceptable_

_BUT ANYWAY!_

_No request for characters, I want YOU to sing A Lunatic's Lament by Alesana_

_If you don't, I'll cry, and mommy will kill you!_

_Yubaba: I WILL! *cuts you*_

**Matsuda:** I'll write it down! -writes down song request-

**Beyond:** Just try it! -makes stabbing motions-

_FlameSpear:_

_this ish awesome! *pumps fists in air* I LOVE YOUR WORK _

_AKU-SAMA! *all hail the new god of... um... FANFICTION AND DEVIANT ART!* :D oh yea please give L a 50 story cake (yesh imma huge L fan) Aku-sama gets infinate money and power :3 and for Ulquiorra, that EMOtionless EMO can surly pull off THE DISAPPEARANCE OF HATSUNE MIKU -DEAD END- BY VOCALOID and you can have Grimmy sing World is mine by vocaloid (kaito version) if you want but if only one, then i go with the EMOtionless EMO singing THE DISAPPEARANCE OF HATSUNE MIKU -DEAD END- BY VOCALOID! (im a huge Vocaloid fan :3) As for Aku-sama, im sorry to make you suffer by typing out all the lyrics! T^T Bai!_  
_:3_

**L:** I think she usually just copy-pastes...

**Matsuda:** ...infinite...power...disappearance...Does 'Grimmy' have one M or two?

**Orihime:** Uh, guys? Ulquiorra's in the closet and won't come out...

**Grimmjow:** -snickers-

**Misa:** What? Misa doesn't get it.

**Grimmjow:** I'll tell you when you're older.

**Misa:** -pouts- Hey Light, what - Light, are you okay?

**Light:** THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE GOD! -turns into the Hulk-

**Ikkaku:** Yay! Fitin' time! :D

_Thirsty4MoreBloodAndWords13:_

_Holy crap, do you have any idea how long it took me to read all 27 chappies?(hehe, Chappy) Anywho, I'm pretty sure I don't need to say it but this is obviously the funniest crossover fic out there and you are a genius! Heh, I was actually wondering when someone would give the "King of all that is Abercrombie and Fitch" (a.k.a. Light) some chips, I mean seriously, the way he eats them, it's like a form of art! With sparkles! After reading this, I was_ _happy to hear that High School Musical made you want to gouge your eyes out. I also feel that I must inform you of a horrible rumor going around about Death Note. America wants to mae it into a live action film. I googled it. I would love the idea if I didn't already know they are going to screw it up. They want to cast Zac fucking Efron as Light! WTF are they thinking? I mean yes, I hate you Light, but that's just cruel. (well, technically I hate Kira with the fiery passion of ten thousand suns and I love good Light when he still has those adorably kind eyes. But I love L more! He never lost to Light, it was all Rem's fault, making it also Misa's fault, besides he obviously won in the end!) Anywho, I would absolutely adore a section that includes Zac Efron being tortured to the fullest extent by...well...everyone I guess. And then he dies. This is quite possibly the longest review I've written for a story...ever! Okay, I'm done now, sorry I don't give out gifts, too much effort! Love you all, 'specially you Toushiro-kun!3_

**Hitsugaya:** Yeah yeah, thanks.

**Rangiku:** Aw, he's blushing!

**Hitsugaya:** I AM NOT! -blushes harder-

**Light:** -snort- Please. I am the GOD of all that is Abercrombie and Fitch. Get it right.

**Ryuk:** -facepalm-

**Matsuda:** ...torture...Zac...Efron...Okay! That's all the reviews!

**Rangiku:** But Aku and the bunny aren't back yet.

-silence-

**Ichigo:** Um...

**Aku:** -bursts through the door- EEK!

**Rangiku:** Aku? Are you all right?

**Aku:** Unhand me, you Hooters postergirl! Fido! -runs to window- Fido, take my hand!

**Fido:** I...I'm not gonna make it...

**Aku:** Fido! Don't you give up on me!

**Shiro:** What's going on?

**Aku:** -pulls Fido in through the window-

**Fido:** Ooph!

**Aku:** -panting- Who the hell summoned Rukia while we were right outside?

**Rangiku: **-guilty face-

**Aku:** You...YOU STUPID -

-Rangiku is magically blasted right out of the fic-

**Aku:** -stunned- Uh...how'd I do that?

**Matsuda:** You have infinite power now!

**Aku:** I do? Since when?

**Matsuda:** One of the reviewers gave it to you!

**Aku:** Really? Oh, well then. The reviewer's the boss, I suppose. -evil smirk-

**Fido:** W-what'd we miss?

**Matsuda:** You're just in time for karaoke! :D

**Aku:** All right then! Gimme the mic!

* * *

**A Lunatic's Lament**

**by Alesana**

**Aku:**

If only you could see  
(If only you could see)  
You're the only girl  
I've ever dreamed of  
If only you could see  
(If only you could see)

Should I apologize  
with such pathetic eyes  
Just the sight of you has made me  
sick tonight (tonight)  
It was your poison kiss  
that turned me into this  
Then again there is a chance  
you could be right.

Darling will you please (please)  
take a walk with me  
We could count the stars  
and disappear  
(I wish you could see)  
I wish you could see  
You're the only girl  
I've ever dreamed of

Are you satisfied?  
Are you satisfied?  
Are you satisfied?

What fate has led me here?  
Oh please forgive me dear.  
I don't know if I could survive  
on my own  
I could have married you,  
instead I buried you  
Now we'll see  
if I can fall asleep alone (alone)

Darling will you please (please)  
take a walk with me  
We can count the stars  
and disappear  
(I wish you could see)  
I wish you could see  
You're the only girl  
I've ever dreamed of

Are you satisfied?  
(Are you satisfied?)  
The nightmare's coming true  
Are you satisfied?  
(Are you satisfied?)

Are you satisfied?  
(Are you satisfied?)  
I did it all for you.  
Are you satisfied?  
(Are you satisfied?)

I wish you could see  
You're the only girl  
I've ever dreamed of

Darling will you please (please)  
take a walk with me  
We can count the stars  
and disappear  
(I wish you could see)  
I wish you could see  
You're the only girl  
I've ever dreamed of

Are you satisfied?  
(Are you satisfied?)  
Are you satisfied?  
(Are you satisfied?)

The depth of a man's soul  
can not be measured in a matter  
of meters and fathoms  
but rather it is in my opinion  
only quantified by his proximity  
to heaven and hell.

It was in such a state that  
I ushered myself past  
the town tavern,  
bursting at the seams with  
the sounds of laughter

and Had it only been a different night,  
a different place, a different kind  
of man passing by the threshold  
of that innocent pub.  
runken piano playing.

The events that transpired  
at that point would have  
undoubtedly been drastically different.

I can only guess if anyone outside that place  
had a clue when the exclamations  
of mirth became the desperate  
screams of the helpless,  
begging for their very lives.

* * *

**Shiro: **Boo! Get off the stage!

**Aku:** -angry face-

**Orihime: **Guys, there's a problem!**  
**

**Aku:** What is it?

**Orihime: **Ulquiorra won't come out of the closet!

**Aku:** -snickers-

**Misa:** Okay, someone explain it to Misa!

**Fido:** I got this one. -knocks on closet door- Ulquiorra, come out of the closet!

-everyone starts laughing-

**Misa:** I DON'T GET IT! D:

**Ulquiorra:** No! I'm not coming out! You're all making fun of me!

**Fido:** Would you come out for an Emo Snack?

**Ulquiorra:** NO!

**Fido:** Would you come out for _two_ Emo Snacks?

**Ulquiorra:** -sniffle- Okay...

* * *

**The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku**

**Ulquiorra:**

When I was born I realized that I was just copying as a human being  
But I kept singing as a VOCALOID  
I didn't care if I'm a toy sings over someone's song  
I bit my green onion and decided to sing  
But I realized that I have no heart without singing  
And I can never go back where I used be  
When everyone forgot me: I lost my mind  
What I saw in the end is broken world VOCALOID

You encouraged me  
I practiced hard... because I wanted to see you happy  
So...

There was a time I was singing for my joy my happiness inside me  
But for now, I cannot find the reason but I can't feel anything anymore...

Every time I remember the face that I've been seeing  
Gives me a little comfort  
I know that it's getting less song for me day by day  
And the end is coming soon...

All we could believe in was  
What we saw in the mirror this delusion  
All we wanted is showing us, over and over  
I'm not gonna sing no more  
I will be shouting and screaming this instead  
It's a top speed song for the time for me to say good-bye

The weakness I'm frightened  
I don't know how to stop them

The sadness you're suffered  
What I see in your face

It's over I'm sleeping  
This is the place I'll be

But I won't forget you  
Even though I won't be here

_Master... please,,, please end this by your hand...  
Because I don't wanna see you sad anymore_

Finally, it is hurting me to sing  
I wasn't like this before  
I'm alone. I cannot move. I am hounded down  
When I wish for a miracle  
Every time I remember the face that I've been seeing  
My memories are falling into pieces  
I know that it's killing and breaking my heart to none  
And the end is coming soon  
All what we were keeping was  
What we saw in the flicker this future world  
All the lying is showing us and disappearing  
If I can use a song to tell you everything I want to say  
It's a compressed song for the time for me to say good-bye

* * *

**Aku:** I found a few different versions so I just picked one. I don't know if it's right or not. -shrugs-

* * *

**World is Mine**

**Grimmjow:**

I know that you're the most wonderful princess in the world  
So I want you as my bride

First off, by any chance, did you cut your hair? I hope you don't mind if I touch it a bit  
Second, those new heels look good on you  
Third, you don't need unnecessary chatter to add to your words  
And look, since your right hand is empty, shall we hold hands?

I know that the things you do are just to make you look tough  
So don't worry, you're as adorable as always, okay?

The loveliest princess in the world  
What is your request? ...Got it  
I'm on my way, so don't feel lonesome  
Just who do you think I am?  
I'm your knight in shining armor!  
Say no more! If you'd like some pudding, it's in the fridge

(Check 1, 2...)

There's no point in grumbling or complaining  
That's all she ever does  
Hm, now which was that dress she wanted...?  
Wh-What? A white horse? If you insist...  
Take my hand and we'll ride the merry-go-round  
You'll have to be satisfied with this for now, my Princess

I know that the things you do are just your way of acting tough  
Oh? If you keep saying that, I'll have to bop you a couple times

I'm your prince, and yours alone  
It's a little out-of-character for me  
But it's not all that bad  
You really are loved  
I do believe that someday you'll realize this

I don't yet understand everything about you, and I don't think I ever will

A shortcake with a strawberry on top  
And delectable pudding made from premium eggs  
I put them in the fridge while you were asleep  
With this I can breathe a sigh of relief  
Yes, you can do whatever you put your mind to  
So I'm prepared

I suppose it's natural, because you are...

You're my princess, and mine alone  
I'm looking right at you, so don't you go anywhere  
Sometimes I'll hold you gently close to me  
Of course, it's a little embrassing, so I cover it up with, "Careful, you'll be struck!"  
...But perhaps it's me you're stricken by?

(Mm hm, You love me)

* * *

**Aku:** I didn't really put a whole lot of effort into this one either. Meaning I didn't listen to it like I usually do. I'm sorry.

**Fido:** Okay, my turn!

**Aku:** Sing something good, 'kay? My neighbor's been blasting some kind of weird country/tween pop grotesque love child. And Pandora keeps giving me sad songs.

* * *

**Cheers (Drink to That)  
**

**by Rihanna**

**Fido:**

Cheers to the freakin' weekend  
I drink to that, yeah yeah  
Oh let the Jameson sink in  
I drink to that, yeah yeah  
Don't let the bastards get ya down  
Turn it around with another round  
There's a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and I drink to that  
I drink to that.

Life's too short to be sittin' round miserable  
People gon' talk whether you doing bad or good, yeah  
Got a drink on my mind and my mind on my money, yeah  
Looking so bomb, gonna find me a honey  
Got my Ray-Bans on and I'm feelin' hella cool tonight, yeah  
Everybody's vibin' so don't nobody start a fight, yeah-ah-ah-ah

Cheers to the freakin' weekend  
I drink to that, yeah yeah  
Oh, let the Jameson sink in  
I drink to that, yeah yeah  
Don't let the bastards get ya down  
Turn it around with another round  
There's a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and I drink to that  
I drink to that.

'Bout to hop on the bar, put it all on my card tonight, yeah.

Might be mad in the morning but you know we goin' hard tonight  
It's getting coyote ugly up in here, no tyra  
It's only up from here, no downward spiral  
Got my Ray-Bans on and I'm feelin' hella cool tonight, yeah  
Everybody's vibin' so don't nobody start a fight, yeah

Cheers to the freakin' weekend  
I drink to that, yeah yeah  
Oh let the Jameson sink in  
I drink to that, yeah yeah  
Don't let the bastards get ya down  
Turn it around with another round  
There's a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and I drink to that  
I drink to that.

Cheers to the freakin weekend  
I drink to that, yeah yeah  
Oh let the Jameson sink in  
I drink to that, yeah yeah  
Don't let the bastards get ya down  
Turn it around with another round  
There's a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and I drink to that  
I drink to that.  
And I drink to that.  
I drink to that.  
And I drink to that.

* * *

**Aku: **I didn't know you drink. And considering you're my imaginary friend, that's quite a thing to keep from me.

**Fido:** It's just a song...

**Ryuk:** Is the fic over?

**Aku:** Not quite, but the chapter's about over. I have a few announcements though, first.

**Shiro:** Hurry up!

**Aku:** I gave in to peer pressure you guys.

**Shiro:** I - what?

**Aku:** I got a Twitter.

**Shiro:** ... -facepalm-

**Aku:** If you wanna keep up with everything I'm up to, follow me! My username is **incinceresmile**.

**Fido:** Why are all your names so cool?

**Aku:** You have to be cool to have a cool name.

**Fido: **...

**Aku: **...

**Misa:** MISA JUST GOT IT! AHAHAHA!

**Aku:** I'm also working on a few more fics, and while I'm mostly done with the anime scene, I promise I will come back and write a bit more. Including a KHR fic! Only I don't know when I'll be done, so I'm not making any promises.

**Fido:** Good. That way you won't disappoint anyone, like you usually do.

**Aku:** -glares-

**Matt:** Do I get to talk now? Oh! That concludes chapter 28! First reviewer gets to determine whether or not Aku's new imaginary friend is revealed! And don't forget to review!**  
**


	29. The End Is Near

Heated Debate!

* * *

**Aku: **All right, everyone, listen up! I have a few announcements to make. First of all, after this chapter there is only one left. And no matter how much begging and crying you do, I'm not going to continue. Though, I can't imagine why you would beg for more of this crap.

**Fido: **Really, in hindsight this was just an embarrassment for both of us; her having started it and me having been forced to add input.

**Aku: **Second, I'm going delete this fic in a few months and leave this account. Not that I won't post here anymore. I might on occasion, but I've kinda fallen off the anime scene. I'm moving on to other things now, and my writing style has made a few changes as well. Since most of my followers are from the Bleach/Death Note fandoms, I'll post here if I ever write for either one again...though I wouldn't bet on it.

**Fido:** Really you can't bet on anything with her.

**Aku: **Did I ask for your input?

**Fido: **No, but my input is too valuable for you to block out.

**Aku: **...Right. Third, the final chapter will be posted not long after this one. I know I've made promises in the past, but this one is absolute. I have it half-written in my head right now and I'm just going to get it out and be done with it.

**Fido:** Exactly. Now let's get to the reviews.

_Lenaboo245:_

_hi! i just wanted to say this story is hilarious! k here's some gifts for u guys: L(run and hugs L) gets a HUGE chocolate cake! with strawberries!(he's my fave) _

_ and for everyone else(cuz they're too many people to list):a wish for whatever u want!_

_ peace!_

**everyone: **-makes a wish-

**Fido: **Hey! Quit being lazy!

**Aku: **FFFFFFFF- fine.

**Misa: **Misa wishes for her and Light to be together for ever and ever!

-Light and Misa suddenly fuse and become a hideously deformed Mary-Sue lovechild and somehow L is involved-

**L: **-muffled because of cake- Hey, I want no part of this!

**Abomination: **I AM A GOD AND ALSO I LOVE MYSELF DESU.

**Ulquiorra: **Th-the horror...THE HORROR!

**Abomination: **BEYOND BIRTHDAY IS MY HUSBANDO AND WE WILL HAVE MANY KAWAII BABBYS TOGETHER.

**Beyond:** Oh shit.

**Shinji:** MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!

**Fido: **Seriously Aku, knock it off! That thing is terrifying!

**Aku:** You're the one who told me to stop being lazy, dummy. :P -snaps fingers-

-the abomination goes back to being Light and Misa-

**Light: **Th-that...that was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me.

_Pastry Queen:_

_Yay! I finally made it to the latest chappie! Can't wait for the new one!_

_On to business. In the spirit of Halloween, I have decided to trick-or-treat the characters. Let them decide which one it is. (P.S. Don't read the stuff in paranthese out loud to the characters. Merci.)_

_You: a singing fish!_

_L: (sugar-free) chocolate cake_

_Light: (fake) Deathnote_

_Ryuk: an orchard_

_Misa: an box of styrafoam peanuts_

_Matsuda: a coolio mustache_

_Matt: a (broken) game-thingy, or whatever he's always playing with_

_Mello: a big cube of (baker's) chocolate (by the way, baker's chocolate contains no sugar or milk, so it is vair bitter and gross)_

_Near: whatever his little 10-year-old heart desires :3_

_Itchy-kun & Shiro: shibari stuff_

_Hitsugaya: a box of sweets_

_Ulqui-chan: a (blow-up Grimmy) doll (we all know what happened to the last one)_

_Grimmy Kitty: catnip!_

_Byakuya: a (cursed) Ouji board to contact what's-her-name_

_Beyond: a new knife!_

_And everyone else can get bubble-wrap! :D_

**Matsuda:** Hey Matsumoto, I mustache you a question!

**Rangiku:** Can't you shave it for later?

**Matsuda: **No, I'm afraid it can't wait!

**Rangiku:** Well, what ish it then?

**Matsuda: **-puts on the mustace- Do I look dignified? -wiggles eyebrows-

**Rangiku:** Akshually, it looks like a mouse crawled on yer upper lip and died there. -takes a drink-

**Matsuda: **Aw. :(

_Krissa:_

_Yay, Disappearance of Hatsune Ulquiorra! Well, this may well be the greatest fanfic I have ever read. I almost passed out from laughing maybe three times. _

_ If you happen to read this (which would be very surprising, as I'm sure it's five hundred-something comments in and not verified) I would just like you to know that you and Frodo are awesome. _

_ Sugar to the L, fifteen strawberries for the Ichigo, and-uh-whatever Matsuda likes for him, because Matsuda is the awesomest character in DN. Oh, and chocolate for the Mello and Pokemon games for the Matt. _

_ If you are (probably not) reading, then *considers for an hour* _

_ Rukia should sing Negaigoto by Rie fu, and let Lelouch make a guest appearance!_

_ Yay for the most hilarious author with the best grammar and spelling on all of ~! 3 Thank you! _

_ (T_T Must it really be that there's only two chapters left?)_

**Aku: **Yes, I'm afraid so deary. U_U All things must eventually come to an end and this fanfic's time is up.

**Matsuda:** I've got all I need right here! -smooths mustache-

**Byakuya: **Simple minds, simple pleasures, I suppose. -eyerolls-

**Aku:** And don't worry-I read all my reviews and appreciate the love and kindness expressed in each and every one of them!

_iPyromaniac:_

_Rightio, well I'm pretty sure I'm in love with this story. Or you know, whatever it is :3_

_ Anyways ! I think I might have to write up all those.. Gifts that all the characters are to receive from me, since I can almost guarantee I'm going to forget someone. _

_ -Clear throat. _

_ Alright here we go. _

_ -Licks Grimmjows cheek. _

_ -Kisses Ulquiorra's forehead, while tracing tear-track tattoos. _

_ -Strokes L's hair, while kissing his cheek. _

_ -Huggles Ichigo. _

_ -Huggles Shiro. _

_ -Pats Toshiros head. _

_ -Hugs Byakuya, even though he'll most likely kill me with his Bankai. _

_ -Nuzzles Beyond cause even if he's insane, he's still amazing. _

_ -Strokes Ikkys bald head |:_

_ Hm. Well. _

_ I know I've missed someone.._

_ Oh !_

_ -Apple for Ryuk. _

_ -Chocolate for Mello. _

_ -Video games for Matt. _

_ -toys for near. _

_ -the power to read minds for Aku :3_

_ Kay. I think that's all. _

_ Nomggasp. _

_ You should be nicer to Ulquiorra. _

_ I love that little emo kid \:_

_ Rest in peace, deary. (L)_

_ So yep _

_ Definitely more Ulqui would be nice. _

_ And more people liking him. (;_

_ Cause he's just too cool and all. _

_ Goodness me. _

_ Anyways. I'm all up for Yaoi-ness. _

_ But.. I'm all for RenxIchi and.._

_ GRIMMxULQUI :D_

_ Just think about it. _

_ You have one extremely god-like blue haired, muscular seme-like man. _

_ You have another kinda uke-like sexy ass emo kid that's too gorgeous for words. _

_ You then out them together. _

_ As a couple. _

_ Result ?_

_ Multiple nosebleeds. _

_ Anyways. I'm sure you have a lot more things to do. _

_ Like update your other fic ? _

_ -Stareeeeeeee. _

_ So I'll be off now. _

_ Most likely to sulk, cause I'm pretty sure that I was sliced up by a few characters back there._

_ Kbye. (;_

**Aku: **I willmiss comments like these. ;w;

**Ryuk:** So will I. No more apples. -makes a sad face that still looks kinda scary 'cause he's a shinigami-

_IControlAllYaoi:_

_Ulquibat-Sama needs way more respect. You will always be my fave, and Grimmkitty, go die in a ditch because you're only my 4th fave character. Also, could you add luffy? Pleaseeeeeee? Also, I advice you to skip the next paragraph, its only going to be about toturing The Ichigo Whore. Also rated M..._

_** -Censored for not very nice and also by request. You sure weren't kidding!-**  
_

_ Also, you get to be god for a week. Bai Bai. Oh, add Gin._

**Aku:** I don't see why not! Say hi to our new characters!

**Luffy:** Where's the meat? I was promised meat!

**Gin: **Aku wasn't sure if you meant Gin Ichimaru or Gintoki Sakata, so I'm just a random guy named Gin. Hello!

**Lelouch:** Someone requested me too so here I am.

**Shiro:** WHAT. What's the point of adding new characters? They're not going to do anything!

**Aku:** Shhhhhh...it's okay. Everything will work out in the end. -pats Shiro's head and also nearly calls him Shirt-

**Shiro:** -madface-

**Fido:** The karaoke system is all set up.

**Aku: **All right! Let's get this over with!

* * *

**Harry Freakin' Potter**

by Darren Criss

**FIDO:**

You're Ulquiorra!  
You don't understand  
you're a legend, man,  
to us all!

Every son and daughter-

**FIDO & THE KIDS:** [spoken] "SAFE!"

**FIDO:**

... From You-Know-Who,  
all because of you!  
You were small,  
but I wonder if you can recall...

[CHORUS: Oooo...]

**FIDO:**

Long story short,  
this guy,  
[whispered] "Voldemort"  
was super cruel...

**ULQUIORRA:**

[spoken] "Voldemort?"

**THE KIDS:**

[GASP!] "SHHH!"

[CHORUS: Oooo...]

**FIDO:**  
**...** Tried to kill you & your parents,  
and this is where it gets intensely cool...

Even though you were a tiny little boy,  
you shoulda died but you survived and then destroyed  
this evil guy and it's story we enjoy to tell...

**FIDO & THE KIDS:**

You're Ulquiorra!  
We don't prefer Gandalf,  
Merlin, or Oz,  
You're a whole lot hotter!  
With that lighting scar,  
you're a superstar to us all!  
If we're in trouble we know who to call!

[DANCE BREAK]

**AKU:**

You're Ulquiorra!  
I wouldn't wince at all,  
you're invincible to all harm!

Like the batterwitch-

**AKU & THE KIDS:**

[Oooh!]

**AKU:**

... I wanna eat you up!  
No one'll beat you up  
with that charm!  
Remember, Ulqui, kid,  
you're the Boss,  
you're the King,  
you're the Bomb!

**ULQUIORRA:**

But this is all so sad,  
I mean, my Mom and Dad  
were killed, long ago...

**THE KIDS:**

[Long ago they died!]

**ULQUIORRA:**

... I wanna be psyched,  
but being unliked  
is all I know...

CHORUS:

[... All he knows, that's why-]

**ULQUIORRA:**

I never thought I'd be a part of such a fate,  
an opportunity eleven years late...  
I guess it's time for me step up to the plate  
and show 'em that I'm something great!

I'm Ulquiorra!  
I'll do what I can  
if what you say I am is true!

I can't be bothered  
by my awful past,  
I've found at last  
something I can do,  
so it's time I knew  
exactly who I am...

I'm Ulquiorra!

**THE KIDS:**

You're Ulquiorra!

**ULQUIORRA & THE KIDS:**

I'm/You're Ulquiorra-

**ULQUIORRA:**

... And I'm the Man!

**THE KIDS:**

[Ahhhhhh]

**ULQUIORRA & THE KIDS:**

[spoken] "ULQUIORRA!"

* * *

**Aku: **I'm not really that into Harry Potter, but I left y'all a little clue as to what I _am_ into these days. ;)

**Fido:** In before shouts of BLASPHEMY: she did like it when she was younger, but her interests are notoriously fickle.

* * *

**Negaigoto**

Rie Fu

**Rukia:**

koe wo kiku dake de kyori ga chijinde yuku you da

amai manatsu no yoru ga kimi no kuuki wa konda

shidare hanabi hikari no ato  
te ni todoku no wa hoshi no kakera  
tada hitotsu negaigoto wa  
kimi to issho ni itai dake sa

yatto kimi ni aeta kyou wa mezurashiku hareta  
zutto sukima ga aiteta kimi ni sawaru made wa  
donna kimi mo daisuki sa  
tsumasaki de tatte itemo  
todoku ki wa shinai keredo  
tsurai koto mo shiawase sa  
kimi to issho ni iretara

taishita uta dewa nai ga nanika wo agetai to omoi

ookiku furueru te wo boku no wakibara ni atete  
kawatte yuku sono ude no naka de  
hanasazu ni iyasu you ni  
shidare hanabi hikari no ato

te ni todoku no wa hoshi no kakera  
kotoba yori mo kono uta wa  
atatakaku honmono sa  
tada hitotsu negaigoto wa  
kimi to issho ni itai dake sa

TRANSLATION

When the only thing I hear is your voice, it's like the distance between us shrinks  
On a sweet midsummer night, the sky you looked at filled with a multitude of  
branches of fireworks trickling down, traces of light  
I reached for your hand; a fragment of stars  
I have only one wish  
To be together with you, that's all I want

At last, I met up with you on a rare sunny day  
A crack had opened up all the way until I could touch you  
I love you any way you are  
Even standing on tiptoe  
I can't reach out to you completely, but  
Even painful things make me happy  
If I can just be with you

An insignificant song isn't much, but I feel like giving something to you  
Placing your hand, trembling so much, against my side  
I'm changing in your arms  
It's like us being together is healing me  
Amidst the branches of fireworks trickling down, traces of light  
I reach for your hand; a fragment of stars  
Even more than words, this song of mine is  
the real thing, warm and genuine  
I have only one wish  
To be together with you, that's all I want

* * *

**Fido: **Hey Rukia, look! A bunny!

**Rukia: **BUNNY! -runs to tackle Fido-

**Fido:** -steps aside-

**Rukia: **-flies out the window-

**Aku: **Okay, next-that was all the song requests we had. Huh. Okay, time for my own pick! And what better song to celebrate the end?

* * *

**Don't Fear The Reaper**

Blue Oyster Cult

**Aku:**

All our times have come  
Here but now they're gone  
Seasons don't fear the reaper  
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..we can be like they are  
Come on baby...don't fear the reaper  
Baby take my hand...don't fear the reaper  
We'll be able to fly...don't fear the reaper  
Baby I'm your man...

Valentine is done  
Here but now they're gone  
Romeo and Juliet  
Are together in eternity...Romeo and Juliet  
40,000 men and women everyday...Like Romeo and Juliet  
40,000 men and women everyday...Redefine happiness  
Another 40,000 coming everyday...We can be like they are  
Come on baby...don't fear the reaper  
Baby take my hand...don't fear the reaper  
We'll be able to fly...don't fear the reaper  
Baby I'm your man...

Love of two is one  
Here but now they're gone  
Came the last night of sadness  
And it was clear she couldn't go on  
Then the door was open and the wind appeared  
The candles blew then disappeared  
The curtains flew then he appeared...saying don't be afraid  
Come on baby...and she had no fear  
And she ran to him...then they started to fly  
They looked backward and said goodbye...she had become like they are  
She had taken his hand...she had become like they are  
Come on baby...don't fear the reaper

* * *

**Aku:** Now then. Lelouch! Quickly! Use your powers to put on a show!

**Lelouch:** ...Okay? Luffy, dance like a monkey or something.

**Luffy: **-starts dancing and making monkey noises-

**Aku: **Yes, yes! Aku is pleased. Now tell everyone to go home.

**Gin:** But we just got here...

**Lelouch: **All right, everyone go home.

-everyone leaves except for Lelouch, Luffy, Aku, and Fido-

**Lelouch:** Well...bye then. -leaves as well-

**Fido:** I'll lure him back to One Piece with a hotdog or something. Do your thang, girl.

**Aku:** Of course.

-turns to address the readers-

It has been a long and-quite frankly-emotionally draining three+ years for me. I really shouldn't need to tell you this, but the reason updates became more infrequent was because I was not only busy with other things, but also no longer interested in it. Now don't get me wrong! I had fun and it was great addressing you all directly and letting you be a part of this!

But as we all know, the things that were totes awesometastic in your sophomore year of high school don't necessarily carry the same sentiment three years later. I'm in college now, I've got other things to work on and when I do have time to write, I'm sorry to say that my muse for this particular fic has dried up. I have other ideas that I've neglected and I would really like to turn my focus to them.

So everyone please form a single-file line. No pushing or shoving, no cutting in line! I am going to give each and every one of you a hug before I leave, to thank my longtime readers for sticking with me and my newer readers for giving it a shot! I love each and every one of you.


	30. And That's All, She Wrote

Heated Debate!

* * *

A young woman stood in the middle of an empty room. Plates which had once held cakes and pies and pizzas were washed and put away. Toys which had been left on the floor were picked up between a thumb and index finger, held so as to keep the drool on them from getting all over hands, and packed into boxes. Beer bottles and empty pizza boxes were thrown away. Everything else was just stuffed into the closet.

The girl looked around. Compared to the squalor of before, the place looked empty. Almost lonely.

Aku sighed.

Goodbyes had been said. Hugs had been given. Well-wishes had been exchanged and a new account had been reserved. She was three years older and three years wiser. As she headed for the door, she reminded herself that this was for the best.

The streets were empty. The horde of fangirls which once had terrorized those within were gone now. The streets were littered with yaoi mangas and the odds and ends of cosplays. A cold wind blew, rustling papers. Aku shivered. It felt as though the cold hand of death itself had run down her spine. She wished she had thought to wear more than just a t-shirt and pajama pants while writing.

She locked the door and started down the street. As she began to turn the corner, she stopped. Looked back. Her fic was over. Its windows were boarded up, and now all it had to look forward to was deletion. She almost didn't want it to. It held too many fond memories.

But of course, it was all for the best. With a last nostalgic wave, she turned and continued on her way.

_Heated Debate!_, the hilariously misnamed crackfic, had officially ended once and for all.


End file.
